STEP 9:
“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
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GOING DEEPER: TYPE 3 & STEP NINE
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For returning participants: This deeper pass of Step Nine refines achievement into authenticity. As a Type 3, your strength becomes most powerful when it is rooted in truth, humility, and real connection—not performance. Step 9 invites you to step out of image and into honest repair.
Gentle reminder: You do not need to do this perfectly. Real connection comes from honesty, not polish.
1) The 5-S Filter (Safety • Sponsorship • Sincerity • Specifics • Surrender)
Aim: Let truth guide your amends rather than image or outcome.
- Safety: Do not make amends that would harm you or them.
- Sponsorship: Run your plan by your sponsor or support—stay grounded in reality.
- Sincerity: Motive = repair, not looking good or being seen a certain way.
- Specifics: One behavior, one impact, one repair question.
- Surrender: Offer repair without trying to manage the outcome.
- Celebration cue: Authenticity is more powerful than any image.
2) Two-Minute Script (Type 3 cadence)
Aim: Speak honestly without performing, fixing, or over-explaining.
Use it, then stop talking. Let the moment be real.
- Thank you for meeting with me.
- “When I [specific behavior]…”
- “…I imagine it may have left you feeling [unseen / pressured / dismissed / like you didn’t matter].”
- “That was my part. I’m sorry.”
- “Is there anything you need from me now?”
- “I’m practicing [opposite behavior] so this doesn’t repeat.”
Boundary if needed: “I want to hear you honestly. If this becomes overwhelming for either of us, let’s pause.”
Celebration cue: Real presence creates deeper connection than perfect words.
3) Defense → Impact → Repair Map (Tie Steps 6 → 9)
Aim: Connect your Step 6 awareness to real relational repair.
| Defense I Used | Likely Impact on Them | Repair I Can Offer |
|---|---|---|
| Image management | Felt unseen or secondary | Acknowledge disconnection; show up more authentically |
| Overworking / achievement focus | Felt unimportant or neglected | Reprioritize presence and connection |
| Emotional avoidance | Felt disconnected or shut out | Acknowledge emotional absence; practice staying present |
| Competitiveness / comparison | Felt diminished or not enough | Name it; support others without comparison |
Celebration cue: When you show up as your real self, relationships deepen naturally.
4) Special Cases & Discernment
- Power Imbalance: Stay grounded; avoid performing or overcompensating.
- Family Systems: Keep it simple and real—no image management.
- Legal/Financial: Get guidance; make clean, appropriate restitution.
- Abuse Contexts: Do not contact abusers; choose indirect or prayer-based repair.
- Celebration cue: Truth matters more than appearance.
5) Living Amends: Proof Over Time
Aim: Let consistent authenticity become the repair.
Choose two opposite behaviors for 30 days.
| Opposite Behavior | Daily Check | Outcome |
|---|---|---|
| Pause work to be present with others | __ __ __ __ __ __ __ | “Connection increased.” |
| Share honestly instead of performing | __ __ __ __ __ __ __ | “I felt real.” |
Celebration cue: Authentic living becomes the most powerful amends.
6) Rehearsal: Three Moves for Authentic Presence
- Body: Slow down; stay grounded.
- Voice: Speak simply; avoid polishing your words.
- Mind: Replace “impress” with “connect.”
Celebration cue: Being real is your greatest strength now.
7) If They Say… (Response Grid)
| Their Response | Your Line | Next Step |
|---|---|---|
| “Thank you.” | “I appreciate you hearing me.” | Follow through on living amends. |
| “You missed something.” | “Thank you for telling me.” | Adjust repair. |
| “Not ready.” | “I understand.” | Continue living amends. |
| Angry | “I want to hear you.” | Pause and regroup. |
8) Prayer for Step 9 (Type 3)
Higher Power, help me release the need to perform and show up honestly. Let me be real, present, and open in my amends. Teach me that I am worthy without achieving or impressing. Guide my words so they bring healing and connection. Amen.
Summary of Going Deeper: Step Nine for Type 3 is authenticity in action. When you bring your real self into repair, relationships deepen and healing becomes possible.