Step 5: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
The thought of admitting our wrongs to another person often brings fear of judgment or rejection. For Type 8s, this step can feel especially challenging because of their fear of being vulnerable or controlled. Many resist admitting their wrongs out of a desire to maintain their strength and independence. However, through Step Five, Type 8s discover that true strength comes from vulnerability and trust. This step offers freedom from the burden of constant control, allowing them to build deeper, more authentic connections with themselves and others.
Remember, it’s natural to feel scared. You are not alone. The fear is temporary, and by trusting the process, you’ll experience relief, healing, and freedom.
Sponsors guide us through Step Five by helping us uncover behaviors that keep us stuck, harm our well-being, and negatively impact our relationships. For Type 8s, these patterns often include excessive control, avoidance of vulnerability, asserting dominance, and reacting out of fear of being betrayed.
Preparing for Step 5
- Ask your Higher Power for the courage, honesty, and willingness this step requires.
- Read common Type 8 character defenses included in the list and leftmost column of the Example Defenses Inventory (below).
- Reflect on the work you have done in Steps 1-4, notice any defenses (also known as patterns of behavior that cause problems in our relationships and life). No need to write them down, just ask yourself which ones show up as your sponsor will help you create your own Defenses Inventory?
- Your sponsor will help you create your own Defenses Inventory when you share your Step 4.
- Send the Step 5 Guide for Sponsors to your sponsor trust that your sponsor will ensure that you get through Step 5 together and that your sponsor will hold all the information you share in confidence.
- Make an appointment with your sponsor to complete this step.
You can use some of these examples to create your own Defense Form.
Click here to download Defense Form Examples with blanks.
Type 8 – Example Defense Form
Some common Type 8 defenses are: Aggressiveness, Assertiveness, Bluntness, Confrontation, Counter-Dependence, Emotional Insensitivity, Excessive Intimidation, Lust for Intensity, Rejection of Weakness, Resistance to Control, Self-Reliance, Stubbornness, Suppression of Tender Emotions, and Willfulness.
| Defenses of Character | How It Shows Up in My Life | How It Harms Me | How It Harms Others |
|---|---|---|---|
| Control | I try to control people and situations to avoid feeling vulnerable. | I feel exhausted and disconnected from others. | Others feel stifled and resentful of my behavior. |
| Dominance | I assert my opinions forcefully, shutting down other perspectives. | I feel isolated and misunderstood. | Others feel unheard or intimidated. |
| Avoiding Vulnerability | I suppress my emotions and refuse to show weakness. | I feel disconnected from myself and emotionally drained. | Others struggle to connect with me on a deeper level. |
| Anger | I react with frustration or aggression when I feel threatened. | I feel stressed and regret my outbursts. | Others feel hurt or frightened by my reactions. |
| Fear of Betrayal | I distrust others and expect them to let me down. | I feel constantly on edge and alone. | Others feel unwelcome or unfairly judged. |
| Impatience | I push others to meet my expectations quickly. | I feel stressed and frustrated when things don’t go as planned. | Others feel rushed or inadequate around me. |
| Resisting Guidance | I reject advice or help, wanting to figure things out myself. | I feel overwhelmed and isolated. | Others feel rejected or undervalued for offering support. |
| Overworking | I push myself too hard to maintain control or prove my worth. | I feel burned out and disconnected from my needs. | Others feel neglected or unimportant in my life. |
| Fear of Dependence | I avoid asking for help, fearing it shows weakness. | I feel isolated and overwhelmed by challenges. | Others feel excluded or unable to connect with me. |
Summary
For Type 8s, working Step 5 involves identifying how their need for control, avoidance of vulnerability, and fear of betrayal harm their lives and relationships. By being honest, vulnerable, and open to feedback, Type 8s can release their fear of weakness and embrace the strength found in trust and connection. You have taken a vital step on your recovery journey. Take a moment to celebrate your progress.
Want to go deeper?
Go to Going Deeper: Type 8 & Step Five
Living Freer
Step Five moves the truth-telling of Step Four out of your own head and into the presence of another person — and for a Type 8, that’s a different kind of exposure entirely. Being known has often felt dangerous, like handing someone ammunition they could later use against you. This Step asks you to risk it anyway: to say the exact nature of your wrongs out loud, to God and to one other human being, and discover that being witnessed doesn’t have to end in betrayal. For a Challenger, this is where isolation starts losing its grip.
Freedom From
- Treating vulnerability as the one fight you can’t win
- Carrying every hard truth alone because secrecy has felt safer
- Equating vulnerability in front of another person with handing over power
- The old belief that only strength, never honesty, earns respect
- The lonely comfort of never letting anyone fully see you
Freedom To
- Be truly known without needing to defend or perform
- Discover that another person’s presence doesn’t have to be a threat
- Feel the relief of finally putting the whole truth down, out loud
- Trust someone else with what you’ve protected for years
- Let honesty, not guardedness, become the source of real connection
Why This Matters
For a Type 8, secrecy has often functioned as protection — if no one sees the full picture, no one can use it against you. Step Five asks you to test that belief by speaking your truth to someone else and finding out whether the sky actually falls. It matters here because the isolation that keeps a Challenger safe also keeps them stuck, carrying every wrong alone and calling it strength. Real freedom starts the moment you discover that being known, exact nature and all, doesn’t cost you your power — it’s often the very thing that returns it.
Step Five Invitation
Choose one person you trust and speak one hard truth from your inventory out loud to them this week, resisting the urge to soften, justify, or defend it.
Prayer for Step Five
Higher Power, give me the courage to be known, exactly as I am, without disguise and without explanation. Sit with me as I speak the truth to another person. Let honesty be my strength today. Amen.