Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
For Enneagram Type 1 (The Reformer), Step Three focuses on releasing the need for perfection and control while embracing the trust and guidance of a Higher Power. Type 1s often have a strong inner critic that drives them to seek perfection, which can lead to rigidity and using food to cope with feelings of failure or frustration. Step Three invites Type 1s to turn their will and lives over to a Higher Power, trusting in divine guidance rather than their own strict sense of control and judgment.
Release the Need for Perfection:
Type 1s often feel pressure to meet impossibly high standards, and when they fall short, they may turn to food as a way to cope with their disappointment. Step Three encourages them to surrender their perfectionism to a Higher Power, trusting that they are loved and accepted as they are, imperfections and all.
By surrendering their need for perfection, Type 1s can begin to experience greater self-compassion and emotional freedom.
- Reflection question: “How has my pursuit of perfection affected my relationship with food, and how can trusting my Higher Power help me let go of this need?”
Trust That Mistakes Are Part of Growth:
Type 1s can be highly critical of themselves and others when mistakes occur. This often leads to stress and a tendency to control their environment, including their eating habits.
Step Three invites them to trust that mistakes are part of the learning process and that their Higher Power can use those experiences for growth and healing.
By turning their will over to their Higher Power, Type 1s can release the burden of self-criticism and embrace progress over perfection.
- Reflection question: “How can I trust my Higher Power to guide me through mistakes and use them as opportunities for growth?”
Let Go of the Inner Critic:
Type 1s often have a relentless inner critic that fuels feelings of inadequacy. This can lead to using food to numb their sense of failure.
Step Three encourages them to surrender this inner critic to a Higher Power, trusting that divine love and guidance are stronger than their self-judgment.
By letting go of their inner critic, Type 1s can cultivate a healthier relationship with themselves and with food.
- Reflection question: “How has my inner critic driven unhealthy behaviors around food, and how can surrendering to my Higher Power help me silence that voice?”
Embrace Flexibility and Trust:
Type 1s often have rigid rules and standards, including about food, which can lead to cycles of strictness and rebellion. Step Three invites them to trust their Higher Power to guide them, allowing for more flexibility and grace in their decisions around food and life.
By trusting in divine guidance, Type 1s can let go of rigidity and find balance in their approach to eating and living.
- Reflection question: “How has my rigidity around food and life created stress, and how can trusting my Higher Power help me embrace flexibility?”
Summary:
For Type 1s, working Step Three involves surrendering their perfectionism and self-criticism to a Higher Power. By trusting in divine love and guidance, Type 1s can release the need for control and find greater peace and balance in their relationship with food and life. This step helps them move away from rigidity and self-judgment and toward self-compassion, flexibility, and trust in their Higher Power’s plan.
Want to go deeper?
Explore Going Deeper: Type 1, Step 3
Living Freer
Step Three is where belief becomes decision. For a Type 1, turning their will and life over means releasing the compass they’ve relied on since childhood—the internal sense of right and wrong that has directed nearly every choice, including what and how much to eat. This isn’t handing over their conscience; it’s recognizing that their conscience has been overworked, doubling as judge, jury, and enforcer for far too long. Making this decision doesn’t erase their values—it lets a Higher Power hold the ultimate authority Type 1s have quietly assigned to themselves, so their own judgment can finally rest.
Freedom From
- Being your own final authority on every right and wrong
- The tireless role of judge, jury, and enforcer in your own life
- Believing your inner sense of “should” must steer every decision about food
- The unspoken rule that you’re the only one qualified to run your life correctly
- Fear that loosening control means losing your values altogether
Freedom To
- Letting your Higher Power hold final authority, not you
- A rested, quieter internal judge
- Trusting guidance instead of self-generated rules
- Making decisions from peace rather than pressure
- Holding your values without needing to enforce them everywhere
Why This Matters
For Type 1s, control has often felt like the only reliable guardian against chaos, so “turning it over” can sound like abandoning responsibility altogether. But Step Three isn’t asking them to stop caring about doing right—it’s asking them to stop being the only one enforcing it. When a Higher Power holds final authority, the internal enforcer can finally step down from constant duty. This matters enormously for someone whose nervous system has rarely known rest: it is the first taste of being cared for, rather than being the one who does all the caring.
Step Three Invitation
Notice the next moment you’re about to declare something “right” or “wrong” today, and before you do, silently ask what your Higher Power would have you see instead.
Prayer for Step Three
Higher Power, I have carried the job of enforcing every rule in my life. I offer you my will, and the old weight of always being right. Take the authority I was never meant to hold by myself. Amen.