Step 6: “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”
For Enneagram Type 7, Step 6 is about preparing to release avoidance of pain, excessive planning, and overindulgence as ways of escaping discomfort. Type 7s often use these behaviors to avoid facing difficult emotions or limitations. In this step, they reflect on how these patterns have both served and hindered them and become willing to let them go. This requires courage, self-reflection, and trust in a Higher Power to guide them toward a deeper sense of contentment and freedom.
Understanding and Preparing for Step 6
- Read the entire directions for Step 6, this whole webpage.
- Understand the Purpose of Step 6:
This step is not about removing your defenses yourself—it’s about becoming willing to let God remove them. It’s okay to feel resistance; willingness grows as you observe and reflect on how these defenses affect your life.
Ego defense mechanisms are unconscious psychological strategies used by the ego to protect itself from overwhelming emotions, to maintain psychological balance. These mechanisms help individuals cope with stress, anxiety, trauma, and conflict, playing a crucial role in maintaining mental health.
- Trust the Process: Remember, just as you couldn’t overcome food addiction without God’s help, you cannot eliminate these defenses alone. Step 6 prepares your heart and mind for working step 7 where you will invite God to work in you.
- Print as many copies of the Step 6 Forms as needed:
- Defense Analysis Form: Write how each defense helps you, what it costs you, and how your life could improve without it.
- Readiness Assessment Form: Identify the actions needed (opposite behaviors) to let go of each defense and becoming willing to take those actions.
Completing your Defense Analysis
- Review each of the defenses you listed in your Step 5 Defense Inventory. List each of them in the leftmost column of the Defense Analysis form. You can always add more defenses as needed.
- For Each Defense: answer each question in the Defense Analysis form.
- How does your Ego think it helps you? (How has this served you in the past?)
- What does it cost you? (Look at the harms columns in your Step 5 Defense Inventory.)
- What do you fear about letting it go?
- How will you benefit from letting it go? (What life looks like without this defense.)
Example Defense Analysis – Type 7
| Character Defense | How does your Ego thinks it helps you? | What does it cost you? | What do you fear about letting it go? | How will you benefit from letting go? |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Impulsiveness | Allows me to seize opportunities and experience excitement. | I feel remorseful about my impulsive choices. Others feel frustrated or hurt by my unpredictability. | Fear of missing out on enjoyable experiences. | Develop better decision-making skills and stability. |
| Avoidance | Helps me stay away from discomfort and maintain positivity. | I feel disconnected and overwhelmed by unresolved issues. Others may feel I’m unavailable or dismissive. | Reluctance to face painful emotions or situations. | Achieve personal growth and deeper emotional resilience. |
| Overindulgence | Provides immediate pleasure and distracts from negativity. | I feel out of control and dissatisfied. Others may feel burdened or neglected. | Desire to keep experiencing pleasure and avoid boredom. | Attain balance and improved well-being. |
| Escapism | Allows me to avoid pain by focusing on exciting possibilities. | I feel ungrounded and disconnected from reality. Others may feel I’m unreliable or superficial. | Fear of being trapped in unpleasant realities. | Become more grounded and present in the moment. |
| Difficulty committing | Keeps my options open for better opportunities. | I feel scattered and unfulfilled. Others may feel frustrated or unsupported. | Fear of being stuck or missing out on other experiences. | Build trust and reliability in relationships. |
| Superficial optimism | Maintains a positive outlook and avoids negativity. | I feel disconnected and not authentic. Others may feel invalidated or dismissed. | Avoidance of confronting deeper issues. | Develop authenticity and deeper connections. |
| Fear of limitation | Ensures I remain free to explore and experience. | I feel disconnected and pulled in many directions. Others may feel excluded or unimportant. | Concern about losing freedom and autonomy. | Experience growth through embracing necessary limitations. |
| Minimizing pain | Allows me to focus on the positive aspects of life. | I feel unresolved pain and lack emotional growth. Others may feel I’m distant or dismissive of their struggles. | Discomfort with addressing painful emotions. | Gain emotional depth and resilience. |
| Seeking distraction | Keeps me engaged and prevents boredom. | I feel restless and disconnected from myself. Others may feel neglected or unimportant in my life. | Fear of facing inner discomfort or emptiness. | Enhance self-awareness and inner peace. |
Completing your Readiness Assessment
- In Column 1, list the same defenses from the Defense Analysis form(s) that you just completed.
- For each defense, fill in the Opposite Behavior and Willingness columns.
- Opposite Behavior: What opposite behavior can you take to begin to let go of this defense?
- Check your willingness to live without it:
- Ask yourself, am I really willing to live without this character defense and what it does for me?
- Determine if there are any steps you can take to increase your willingness.
- Rate your readiness to let this defense go, from 1 (not ready) to 5 (entirely ready). Put your answer in the table.
Example Readiness Assessment – Type 7
| Character Defense | Opposite Behavior | Willingness (1–5) |
|---|---|---|
| Impulsiveness | I can pause before acting and make choices that align with my deeper values, rather than chasing fleeting excitement. | 3 |
| Avoidance | I can face difficult emotions with courage, knowing that true growth comes from embracing all of life’s experiences. | 4 |
| Overindulgence | I can enjoy life’s pleasures in moderation, knowing that true satisfaction comes from balance. | 3 |
| Escapism | I can stay present and face reality with openness, rather than constantly seeking an escape. | 2 |
| Difficulty committing | I can commit to people and experiences with confidence, knowing that fulfillment comes from depth, not just variety. | 5 |
| Superficial optimism | I can embrace both joy and struggle, allowing my positivity to be grounded in truth rather than avoidance. | 2 |
| Fear of limitation | I can find meaning in commitment and recognize that limitations can bring clarity and purpose. | 3 |
| Minimizing pain | I can allow myself to feel pain fully, trusting that it will pass and bring deeper understanding. | 2 |
| Seeking distraction | I can be still and present with myself, knowing that peace comes from within, not from external stimulation. | 3 |
Seek Support and Guidance
- Share your table with your sponsor or kind observer to explore how avoidance of pain, fear of limitations, and the pursuit of constant stimulation have shaped your experience. Discuss how these defenses have influenced your ability to stay present and fully engaged in your recovery.
- Engage in journaling, meditation, or prayer to reflect on how your tendency to escape discomfort and chase new experiences has affected your emotional well-being. Ask your Higher Power to help you find fulfillment in the present moment rather than seeking it externally.
- Listen to Surrender School’s Step 6 Meditation.
- Develop affirmations such as: *”I can sit with discomfort and still be okay,”* or *”True joy comes from presence, not from escape.”* Use these to replace avoidance with mindful acceptance.
- Check out Surrender School’s meditations, office hours, and other offerings to find support in cultivating patience, contentment, and emotional depth.
Summary:
Remember to practice self-compassion and acknowledge that change is challenging. Be kind to yourself as you work through your fears and anxieties. For Type 7s, working Step 6 involves recognizing and becoming willing to release defenses related to avoidance, overindulgence, and excessive planning. This step requires Type 7s to reflect on the impact of these patterns, assess their readiness for change, and seek support. By cultivating trust in the recovery process and practicing self-compassion, Type 7s can work toward deeper contentment and emotional balance in their lives.
Want to go deeper?
Living Freer
By Step Six, a Seven has admitted their part and confessed it aloud — now comes the willingness to actually let their favorite defenses go. Rationalizing, reframing, and staying two steps ahead of discomfort have functioned like a personal talent for years, the very skills that made a Seven’s life feel light and possible. This Step doesn’t ask them to become a different, duller person. It asks whether they’re willing to have those specific defenses removed by God, even though they’ve worked, even though they’ve felt like personality rather than protection.
Freedom From
- Treating rationalization and reframing as core personality rather than old defenses
- The comfort of always having a silver lining ready before the pain is felt
- Believing willpower alone can dismantle a lifetime of avoidance
- Needing every difficult thing to have an upside before it’s tolerable
- The subtle pride in being the one who’s never really fazed by anything
Freedom To
- Become willing, even without knowing exactly what remains without the defenses
- Let some things simply be hard, without immediately reframing them
- Trust God with removal instead of managing it through more insight
- Discover identity that isn’t built on staying upbeat no matter what
- Feel lighter, paradoxically, by carrying less spin
Why This Matters
For a Seven, the hardest part of Step Six isn’t identifying the defenses — it’s admitting those defenses have felt like the best parts of themselves. Reframing pain quickly and staying hopeful under pressure have been genuinely useful skills, which makes willingness to release them feel like willingness to lose something valuable. But this matters precisely because those same skills have also kept a Seven one step removed from their own life. Becoming willing to have them softened, not eliminated by force of will, is what finally lets deeper presence in.
Step Six Invitation
When you catch a rationalization forming today, pause and say to yourself, ‘I’m willing to have this looked at’ — without immediately trying to fix, spin, or solve it yourself.
Prayer for Step Six
Higher Power, my optimism has been both a gift and a shield. I am willing, today, to have you soften what I’ve used to avoid feeling. Help me trust that lightness can come from you instead of from spin.