Gifts of Imperfection Book Study

This Study uses The Gifts of Imperfection
By Brene Brown

*Important Notice: This study will be recorded in video/audio format and will be made available on the Surrender School website. We respect your privacy. If you prefer not to appear on camera, please turn off your video. If you do not want to be recorded, we kindly request that you refrain from speaking during the session. By participating in our Zoom meetings, you are giving us consent to share these recordings publicly on our website.

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Before We Meet: Take the Wholehearted Inventory

Homework: Preparation for next session
1. Read either the 2010 or 2020 version:
  - 2010: Preface and Introduction (pages ix-xv and 1-6)
  - 2020: 10th Anniversary Note (xiii-xx), Preface (xxi-xxix), Introduction (3-10)
2. Be prepared to discuss the following
  1. Dr. Brown defines wholehearted living as “engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.” How have feelings of unworthiness negatively impacted your recovery
  2. What do you typically do when you are stressed, exhausted and overwhelmed? How can you handle it better?
  3. What do you think living wholeheartedly would look like for you?
  4. Does anyone want to share anything about their Wholehearted Inventory results
  5. Where are you now in your perfectionism journey?

Session 1: Introduction – Watch the video of Session 1

Homework: Preparation for Session 2
1. Read Courage, Compassion, and Connection
  - 2010: pages 7-21
  - 2020: pages 11-31
2. Be prepared to discuss the following
  1. Dr. Brown starts the chapter by saying, “Practicing courage, compassion and connection in our daily lives is how we cultivate worthiness.” How do you cultivate worthiness in your life?
  2. How do you practice courage in Recovery?
  3. Of the many ways to not practice compassion listed (2010: pages 10 & 11, 2020: pages 15 & 16) which one do you have the most trouble NOT doing?
  4. What do you feel vulnerable about when you practice ordinary courage?
  5. How do you self-protect in response to your own or someone else’s pain?
  6. How are boundaries and compassion connected for you? How do you separate people from their behaviors?
  7. How do you experience connection in Recovery? How do you cultivate connection within the Recovery community?

Session 2: Watch the video of Session 2

Homework: Preparation for Session 3
1. Read Exploring the Power of Love, Belonging, and Being Enough
  - 2010: pages 23-30
  - 2020: pages 32-42
2. Be prepared to discuss the following
  1. Can you think of times when you belonged and times when you were just fitting in? How do they feel different?
  2. Does your sense of worthiness have any prerequisites? What are they?
  3. What things do you change about yourself to fit in?
  4. ‘What do you think about the line: “Love is not something we give or get; it is something we nurture and grow….”
  5. Is it easier to fully accept your loves ones than it is to accept yourself? Why do you think that is?
  6. Can we love others more than we love ourselves?

Session 3: Watch the video of Session 3

Homework: Preparation for Session 4
1. Read The Things That Get in the Way
  - 2010: pages 31-47
  - 2020: pages 43-65
2. Be prepared to discuss the following
  1. What things get in the way of your happiness in program?
  2. How have feelings of shame affected your Recovery?
  3. How has fear affected your Recovery?
  4. How has vulnerability affect your Recovery?
  5. How are anxiety and expectation related for you? In your abstinence? In your Recovery?
  6. Do you agree with the statement: “Shame loses power when it is spoken.” Did your Step 5 experience decrease your feelings of shame?

Session 4: Watch the video of Session 4

Homework: Preparation for next session
1. Read Guidepost #1: Cultivating Authenticity: Letting Go of What People Think
  - 2010: pages 49-54
  - 2020: pages 66-73
2. Read Guidepost #2: Cultivating Self Compassion: Letting Go of Perfectionism
  - 2010: pages 55-62
  - 2020: pages 74-83
3. Be prepared to discuss the following
  1. What are some of your difficulties in being your authentic self?
  2. How does not being your authentic self affect your food addiction?
  3. What sorts of things are you perfectionistic about?
  4. How does perfectionism affect your food addiction and Recovery?
  5. Does your self-talk help or hurt your Recovery?
  6. What are some examples of your self-talk?

Session 5: Watch the video of Session 5

Homework: Preparation for next session
1. Read Guidepost #3: Cultivating A Resilient Spirit: Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness
  - 2010: pages 63-75
  - 2020: pages 84-100
2. Read Guidepost #4: Cultivating Gratitude and Joy: Letting Go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark.
  - 2010: pages 77-85
  - 2020: pages 101-112
3. Be prepared to discuss the following
  1. Do you believe you can actually do something to help manage your feelings and to cope better? Why or why not?
  2. What gives you hope for your own Recovery? Can you see that hope is a conscious choice? That it can be learned?
  3. How do you practice awareness of your feelings of “never good enough?” How do you give yourself a more realistic view of yourself?
  4. Have you learned how to lean in to and learn from your emotional discomfort? How do you approach emotional discomfort now?
  5. How do you practice gratitude?
  6. Do you have any feelings of scarcity around your abstinence, program and Recovery?

Session 6: Watch the video of session 6

Homework: Preparation for next session
1. Read Guidepost #5: Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith: Letting Go of the Need for Certainty
  - 2010: pages 87-92
  - 2020: pages 113-119
2. Read Guidepost #6: Cultivating Creativity: Letting Go of Comparison
  - 2010: pages 74-83
  - 2020: pages 120-126
3. Be prepared to discuss the following
  1. How does your need for certainty silence your intuition?
  2. How does your faith help you cope with the uncertainties of life?
  3. Do you practice creativity? How do you do it? How do you bring creativity into your program?
  4. How does comparison/competition affect your program and Recovery?
  5. Does stifling your creativity negatively affect your program and Recovery? How?

Session 7: Watch the video of session 7

Homework: Preparation for next session
1. Read Guidepost #7: Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth
  - 2010: pages 99-104
  - 2020: pages 127-133
2. Read Guidepost #8: Cultivating Calm and Stillness: Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle
  - 2010: pages 105-110
  - 2020: pages 134-140
3. Be prepared to discuss the following
  1. What are the things on your joy and meaning list? (page 102)
  2. What is on your “goals to accomplish” list?
  3. How do the lists from questions 1&2 compare? Anything surprise you?
  4. What sorts of things do you do when you play?
  5. Is the statement “Anxiety is extremely contagious” true for you? Is calm contagious for you? How about Recovery? Is it contagious?

Session 8: Watch the video of Session 8

Homework: Preparation for next session
1. Read Guidepost #9: Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting Go of Self-Doubt and “Supposed To”
  - 2010: pages 111-116
  - 2020: pages 141-148
2. Read Guidepost #10: Cultivating Laughter, Song and Dance: Letting Go of Being Cool and “Always in Control”
  - 2010: pages 117-124
  - 2020: pages 149-158
3. Take the Unique Strengths test at viacharacter.org to get a list of your 5 greatest personal strengths. We will talk about this in this session.
4. Be prepared to discuss the following
  1. First, would anyone life to share on their top 5 strengths from the online test?
  2. What are some of your self-doubts and “supposed tos” that negatively affect your Recovery?
  3. What makes you come alive? What fires up your spirit? Can this be your meaningful work?
  4. How do you use laughter, song and dance in your life?
  5. Which is more important to you: looking cool or being in control? Why?
  6. Any final thoughts or shares on this book?

Session 9: Watch the video of Session 9

Homework: Sign up for Zooming Through the Big Book