Emotional Sobriety Workshop

This study uses Allen Berger’s Insights for Emotional Sobriety


Introductory Session

  1. Get the book (click here).
  2. Read Bill W’s Grapevine article in Appendix A: (p. 303-306).
  3. Complete these optional assignments:
  4. View the video of the Introductory Session.

 

 

Chapter 1: Being Stuck and Getting Unstuck

  1. Read Chapter 1.
  2. Be ready to discuss and share on these questions:
    • How does abstinence (physical sobriety) fit into your overall definition of recovery?
    • Are there any ways that you are defining recovery that are guaranteeing your inability to recover? If so, what? Are you trying to force yourself to believe something you don’t or to be someone you can’t be?
    • What do you think of Berger’s line, “Trouble grows people”?
    • In what ways are you overly influenced by others?
    • In what ways has having expectations of other people caused you problems?
  3. Watch the video of Chapter 1: Being Stuck and Getting Unstuck. 

 

 

Chapter 2: Exploring Emotional Sobriety

  1. Read Chapter 2. 
  2. Be ready to discuss and share on these questions:
    • How do you determine what your emotions are trying to tell you?
    • With regard to your emotional center of gravity, what do you do to stay centered when others in your life are being negative or attacking?
    • In what ways are you taking responsibility for your own emotional well-being?
    • In what ways are you learning to let go of your expectations of others and of life in general?
    • Take one of your important relationships and list all of the expectations you have of this person.
  3. Watch the video of Chapter 2: Exploring Emotional Sobriety. 

 

 

 Chapter 3: Waking Up from Our Sleepwalking

  1. Read Chapter 3.
  2. Complete the sentence stems on page 68.
  3. Be ready to discuss and share on the following questions:
    • Do you recognize the basic needs in yourself to be loved, to be accepted, and to belong?  How have these needs affected your ability to recover?
    • Which blueprint (expansive, self-effacing, or resignation) is your primary blueprint, and how has it affected your recovery?
    • What are some of the “should demands” that you have for yourself, for others, and for life in general? 
    • What parts of your true self have you had to cut off or put to sleep?
  4. Watch the video of Chapter 3: Waking Up from Our Sleepwalking

 

 

Chapter 4: Living Life Consciously

  1. Read Chapter 4.
  2. Complete the sentence stems on pages 85 and 86.
  3. Be ready to discuss and share on these questions:
    • How has awareness been essential for your recovery? How did the steps help you wake up and become aware?
    • What self-limiting beliefs has your false self given you? (One of my big ones was that no one would like me unless I was who they wanted me to be.)
    • How have you been sabotaging yourself with regard to your recovery? (I used to think that my food had to be perfect–you know, entire abstinence. But I was finally able to see that entire abstinence was about my alcoholic foods. That’s the only thing I have to do perfectly. The rest is about balance and sanity.)
    • What is your internal critic/judge preventing you from doing that would benefit your recovery?
    • What are some actions you take to support yourself in your recovery?
  4. Watch the video of Chapter 4: Living Life Consciously.

 

Chapter 5: Discerning our Emotional Dependency

  1. Read Chapter 5.
  2. Complete the sentence stems on pages 102, 103
  3. Be ready to discuss and share on these questions
    • How has your emotional dependency negatively impacted your self-esteem?
    • How have you been emotionally dependent on important people in your life?
    • How are you depending on others to validate your self-esteem?
    • What are some of your unenforceable rules for life in general? Do you have any unenforceable rules for your Higher Power?
    • What are some of the things you can do to support yourself emotionally?
  4. Watch the video of Chapter 5: Discerning our Emotional Dependency .
  5. Optional Assignment: Do the Emotional Sobriety Inventory Exercise on pages 104-107

 

 

Chapter 6: Knowing It’s Not Personal

  1. Read Chapter 6.
  2. Complete the sentence stems on page 126.
  3. Be ready to discuss and share on these questions
    • How does taking things personally negatively affect your recovery?
    • How has seeing everyone as judging you made you feel fearful and anxious?
    • How do you try to read people’s minds and how does it affect your serenity?
    • What do you think of the idea that nothing anyone says or does has anything to do with you?
    • When we take something personally, we connect what a person is saying to a wound we already have. What are some of your wounds that cause you to take something personally?
    • How are the steps helping you to develop a stronger sense of self?
  4. Watch the video of Chapter 6: Knowing It’s not personal

 

 

Chapter 7: Realizing That No One Is Coming

  1. Read Chapter 7.
  2. Complete the sentence stems on page 143.
  3. Be ready to discuss and share on these questions
    • What does the insight that “no one is coming” mean to you?
    • Do you believe you are hopeless or unfixable? Why? Where did you get this idea?
    • What are some of the outside things you thought were going to cure or fix you?
    • If you are having trouble in recovery, do you think the problem is you or that you just haven’t found the right path yet?
    • What toxic ideas are holding you back from recovery?
  4. Watch the video of Chapter 7: Realizing No One is Coming

 

 

Chapter 8: Accepting What Is

  1. Read Chapter 8.
  2. Complete the sentence stems on page 167.
  3. Be ready to discuss and share on these questions
    • What are you thinking or doing that is interfering with your process of self-acceptance?
    • Do you agree with Dr. Berger that much of our work in recovery is about acceptance of the world as it is? Why or why not?
    • Are you in an adversarial relationship to yourself? How so?
    • What are some of your expectations and shoulds that you need to let go of?
  4. Watch the video of Chapter 8: Accepting What Is 

 

 

Chapter 9: Living Life on Life’s Terms

  1. Read Chapter 9.
  2. Complete the sentence stems on pages 184
  3. Be ready to discuss and share on these questions
    • Are there any expectations of others or of life that you refuse to give up?
    • What do you think about the difference between fear and anxiety talked about on page 174?
    • Is it true for you that your expectations interfere with your ability to cope with life? How so?
    • What do you think of the idea that we need to put our emotional center of gravity in our faith in ourselves and our ability to cope rather than in our expectations?
  4. Watch the video of Chapter 9: Living Life on Life’s Terms

 

 

Chapter 10: Discovering Novel Solutions

  1. Read Chapter 10. 
  2. Complete the sentence stems on pages 202, 203
  3. Be ready to discuss and share on these questions

    • What did you think of the idea that the problem is never the problem? How does this apply to your abstinence and weight?
    • Can you identify the unhelpful ways you have tried to use to deal with your compulsive overeating/food addiction?
    • Has pausing between stimulus and response helped you with your recovery versus just automatically reacting? How so?
    • Do you agree that learning how to creatively solve your problems is important for emotional sobriety? Why?
  4. Watch the video of Chapter 10: Discovering Novel Solutions

 

 

Chapter 11: Breaking the Bonds of Perfection

  1. Read Chapter 11.
  2. Complete the sentence stems on pages 219, 220.
  3. Be ready to discuss and share on these questions

    • How is your perfectionism related to your fear of not being loved, accepted and belonging?
    • How does your perfectionism affect your ability to be abstinent? How does it affect the quality of your recovery?
    • Are you trying to perfectly manage anyone else’s emotions or feelings? How is that working out for you?
    • What kind of abusive things does your top dog bully say to you?
    • What can you do to let go of your expectations of perfection?
  4. Watch the video of Chapter 11: Breaking the Bonds of Perfection

 

 

Chapter 12: Healing Through Forgiveness

  1. Read Chapter 12.
  2. Complete the sentence stems on page 240.
  3. Be ready to discuss and share on these questions
    • Do you agree that forgiving those who have hurt or betrayed us is key to dealing with our unfinished business? Explain. 
    • Have you had a forgiveness experience that was transformative? How did it change you?
    • Can you think of a grievance story you have been telling yourself? How is your story preventing you from forgiving?
    • How can you be the hero of your own story?
  4. Watch the video of Chapter 12: Healing Through Forgiveness

 

 

Chapter 13: Living a Purposeful Life

  1. Read Chapter 13 
  2. Complete the sentence stems on pages 258, 259
  3. Be ready to discuss and share on these questions
    • How does practicing step 12 help you to continue to “peel back the onion” on your recovery and your true self?
    • What do you say to sponsees who believe they are not ready or capable enough to sponsor others?
    • Do you have a purpose you can pursue with your whole heart? If so, what is it? If not, what are some possible ideas for one?
    • How does having a purpose get you out of your self-centered trance?
    • Are you attracted to the folks in program who have a purpose? How can you be that purposeful person for someone else?
  4. Watch the video of Chapter 13: Living a Purposeful Life

 

 

Chapter 14: Holding onto ourselves in Relationships

  1. Read Chapter 14.
  2. Complete the sentence stems on pages 292
  3. Be ready to discuss and share on these questions
    • What are some of your toxic rules that you have for the loved ones in your life?
    • Do you agree with the statement that demanding things go our way is a surefire way of turning any relationship into a power struggle? Why?
    • How is immature love disrespectful to our partner?
    • Can you see that selfish people actually hate themselves? How has this been true for you?
    • Emotionally independent people love themselves. How can you help yourself to love yourself more?
  4. Watch the video of Chapter 14: Holding onto Ourselves in Relationships

 

 

Chapter 15: Paddling Your Own Canoe

  1. Read Chapter 15.
  2. Watch the video of Chapter 15: Paddling Our Own Canoe