Practical Steps for Enneagram Type 9 in Step 10
- Spot Resentments and Fears Early: Type 9s often suppress their true feelings to avoid conflict. They can bottle up resentment without even realizing it, letting small irritations build into larger issues. Take a few moments each day to ask:
- “Where am I feeling resentful today, even if I’ve tried to push it away?”
- “What situations are making me feel fearful or anxious?”
Look for moments when you avoided confrontation or disengaged from something important. These could be subtle moments of avoidance that built up emotional resentment or withdrawal.
- Ask God to Remove These Defects of Character: When you identify moments of resentment, fear, or dishonesty, ask God to remove them right away. Use the Big Book guidance:
- “God, please remove my resentment, fear, selfishness, or dishonesty.”
For Type 9s, it’s crucial to remain aware that their sloth (mental and emotional disengagement) is a form of selfishness. Numbing out in order to avoid conflict doesn’t just harm others; it harms you by keeping you disconnected.
- Discuss it with Someone Immediately: Type 9s often want to avoid disturbing the peace, but it’s important to talk about what’s going on internally. Share what you’ve discovered with someone trustworthy:
- “I realize I’ve been withdrawing from this situation because I didn’t want to deal with it. I see now that I was resentful or fearful.”
Talking about it helps bring clarity to what was previously buried under the surface.
- Make Amends Quickly if Harm Was Done: If your avoidance or passivity has hurt others, don’t procrastinate in making amends. Type 9s may delay action, but Step 10 urges immediate correction:
- Did your withdrawal cause someone to feel abandoned or overlooked?
- Did your avoidance of conflict leave someone else carrying the emotional burden?
Take the time to apologize and acknowledge how your passivity impacted the relationship.
- Turn to Helping Others: After making amends and addressing your internal emotions, shift your focus to helping someone else. For Type 9s, this step encourages you to re-engage with life:
- “How can I actively participate in this moment and offer support to others?”
Choose action over withdrawal. Engaging in service helps you stay present, grounded, and connected.
Daily Reflection for Type 9s in Step 10
- Where did I avoid conflict today or check out mentally or emotionally?
- What feelings of resentment or anxiety have I been suppressing?
- How can I remind myself that my presence and engagement are important to those around me?
- What can I do right now to stay connected and involved, even if it feels uncomfortable?
- Where do I need to make amends for withdrawing or disengaging from important situations?
Summary for Type 9s:
As a Type 9, working Step 10 is about resisting your natural tendency to disconnect or numb out when life feels overwhelming. By staying vigilant and bringing any dishonesty, fear, or resentment to light, you can avoid the trap of passive disengagement. Asking God to remove these defects of character, discussing them with others, and taking swift action to make amends will keep you on the path of emotional sobriety and connection. Ultimately, by staying engaged and seeking to serve others, you find the inner peace you desire without having to avoid conflict or discomfort.