Step 4

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Spiritual Principle: Courage


Assignment 1:

  1. Read, highlight, and jot down questions/comments from How It Works, pages 64-71 (end of chapter), of the Big Book.
  2. Answer the following questions:
    • Can you see that Step 4 requires you to take an honest look at your emotional discomfort? There is no need for hand-wringing, shame or embarrassment. The goal is to discover the truth about how you acted in the past when you were trying to control people, places, things and situations.
    • Do you understand that you are looking at how the misuse of your will creates problems for you and those around you? We are looking for patterns.
    • Can you accept that the symptoms of your spiritual malady (resentment, fear, sexual misconduct and interpersonal conflict) are not “sins” or any reflection of who you truly are? They are the mistakes of your addiction, the result of being human. We all make mistakes.
    • Do you understand that “…we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? …We tried to disregard the other person involved entirely.” (Big Book, pg. 67) The other person and their behavior are irrelevant. You are only interested in your own behavior.
    • How do you distinguish self-reliance versus reliance on a Higher Power?
    • What are your ideals with regard to personal relationships?


Assignment 2:

  1. Read, highlight, and jot down questions/comments from the AA 12 & 12, Step 4.
  2. Answer the following questions:
    • “It never occurred to us that we needed to change ourselves to meet conditions, whatever they were.” (AA 12 & 12, pg. 47) What does this statement mean to you?
    • “Why do I lack the ability to accept conditions I cannot change?” (AA 12 & 12, pg. 52)
    • “Am I willing to take the measures necessary to shape my life to conditions as they are?” (AA 12 & 12, pg. 52-53) If not, what is standing in your way?
    • “His character defects have been the primary cause of his drinking and his failure at life; that unless he is now willing to work hard at the elimination of the worst of these defects, both sobriety and peace of mind will still elude him; that all the faulty foundation of his life will have to be torn out and built anew on bedrock.” (AA 12 & 12, pg. 50) Any thoughts?


Assignment 3: Completing your Inventory

Assignment 3A: Resentment Form

Fourth Step forms on surrenderschool.org are adapted from the forms offered at eatingdisordersanonymous.org and oabigbook.info.

  1. You will be writing about your current issues, the ones blocking you from your Higher Power and recovery right now. If you have already worked the steps, it is not necessary to bring up past issues you have already processed unless they are still troubling you. Keep in mind that the 4th Step is about getting down to causes and conditions. The goal is to learn about the misuse of your will.
  2. Print multiple Resentment Form(s).  You will be using one form for each resentment. Fill out column 1 for each person, institution, or principle for which you have a resentment. When you are done filling out column 1 on each of your forms, move on to column 2.
  3. Fill out “The causes” (column 2) for each resentment. Keep each cause to 20 words or fewer (if possible). Do not fill out column 3 until you have filled out column 2 for each resentment.
  4. Fill out the “Affects my” (column 3) for each resentment, write what felt or feels threatened or at risk.
    Consider: self-esteem, pride, ambition, finances, security, sexual or intimacy needs, family & social relationships. 
  5. Print out the Prayer Sheet. For each resentment, say the Resentment Prayer, Offended Prayer, or a similar prayer of your own.
  6. Now it is time to complete column 4, “My Error, My Part.” Print the “Character Defect Sheet (CDS)” and use it to help you define how you were selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and/or frightened. Of course, you can come up with your own answers.

“Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man’s.” (Big Book, pg. 67)

Notice on page 65 in the Big Book that each resentment contains an associated “fear.”

  1. While filling out the “My Error, My Part” column. Think about the underlying fear for each resentment and list it at the bottom of the column.
  2. After you complete the “My Error, My Part”” column, remind yourself that all behavior is an expression of love or a cry for it. Turn the page over and answer the question, “What am I making this situation/resentment mean about me.” Consider the following examples: you don’t belong, you are not okay/accepted just the way you are, you are not loved/worthy, or something else is wrong with you.
  3. Get quiet with your higher power for a few minutes and ask what is needed to restore balance and bring
    peace? Your higher power may suggest; acceptance, an amends or apology, prayer, attention to basic needs, self-honesty. Fill in column 5, “Resolution” by answering; “What could I do differently if the situation occurs again?”.

 

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU COMPLETED YOUR RESENTMENT FORMS.

Assignment 3B: Fear Form

  1. Print out as many Fear Forms as you need. You will be working from top to bottom, completing one column before moving on to the next.
  2. Go back through your Resentment Forms and list each of the fears you wrote at the bottom of column 4, “My Error, My Part” then, list any additional fears you have. Use the Character Defect Sheet (CDS) to help you discern additional fears you may need to include.
  3. Fill out column 1 for each fear.
  4. Fill out column 2 for each fear. Keep your answers short (20 words or fewer). 
  5. Fill out the appropriate responses for columns 3 and 4. 
  6. To complete Column 5, say the Fear Prayer or a similar prayer of your own for each of your fears.
  7. Column 6 asks what God would have you be. Some people find the following meditation helpful: “If my Higher Power were to communicate directly to me regarding this issue, what might my Higher Power say?”  Pause and listen for any communication that may come to you, and write whatever comes. If nothing comes to you at this time, that’s ok. (This practice is known as Two-Way Prayer.)



CONGRATULATIONS! YOU COMPLETED YOUR FEAR FORMS.

Assignment 3C: Sex Conduct Form/ Harms Done: You will be using the Sex Conduct form to inventory your sex misconduct and any other harms done (such as stealing money, gossiping, treating someone badly, damaging someone’s property without taking responsibility).

  1. Print out as many Sex Conduct Forms as you need. You will be working from top to bottom again.
  2. Fill out column 1 Write down the names of each person you have harmed.
  3. Fill out column 2: Very Briefly describe how you were selfish, dishonest, and/or inconsiderate.
  4. Fill out column 3: For each harm, answer the question yes or no. Did I arouse jealousy, suspicion, and/or bitterness?
  5. Fill out column 4: Briefly describe how you were at fault, and what you should have done instead.
  6. Fill out column 5. Indicate whether or not each relationship was selfish or not.
  7. Fill out column 6: Say the sex prayer or another prayer of your own choosing  for each harm.
  8. Fill out column 7: Meditate with your Higher Power on the following question “God please show me what to do about this (each) specific matter.  You may want to use the Earnest Prayers listed in the last column to help you do this.


CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE COMPLETED STEP 4.


MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO DO STEP 5. THE PERSON YOU CHOOSE MAY BE YOUR SPONSOR OR SOMEONE ELSE YOU TRUST COMPLETELY.