Step 9: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Core Enneagram Type 8 Traits:

• Core Fear: Being controlled or harmed by others, vulnerability
• Core Desire: To protect themselves and remain in control
• Core Weakness: Lust for intensity, control, power
• Core Longing: To know that they will not be betrayed or controlled

For an Enneagram Type 8 in OA, Step 9 can be particularly challenging because of their natural resistance to vulnerability and fear of being controlled by others. However, this step is crucial for fostering healing and releasing the intense anger and resentment that often fuels compulsive eating behaviors.

Approach to Step 9 for Type 8

1. Acknowledge the Challenge of Vulnerability: As a Type 8, opening up to vulnerability by making amends can feel threatening. Acknowledge that the fear of being controlled or hurt by others may arise when you begin to make amends. Remember that Step 9 is not about giving up your strength, but about owning your role in conflicts and offering healing.
   • Question to reflect on: Where am I afraid that making amends will make me look weak or vulnerable?
2. Embrace Accountability without Blame: Type 8s often find it difficult to admit mistakes, as they equate this with giving up power. However, in Step 9, accountability is essential. Take full responsibility for your actions without deflecting or blaming others, even if you feel they contributed to the situation.
   • Question to reflect on: How can I take full ownership of my part in the harm done without focusing on how others may have wronged me?
3. Recognize the Role of Intensity in Conflict: Type 8s are often driven by intensity and can bulldoze through relationships, creating conflict or dominating others. This intensity can contribute to compulsive eating, as feelings of guilt, shame, or unresolved anger may be numbed by food. In making amends, recognize how your intensity may have contributed to hurt feelings or broken relationships.
   • Question to reflect on: How has my intense approach to life, including my need to be in control, harmed others or pushed them away?
4. Prioritize Honesty and Integrity: Type 8s value honesty and directness, and this can be a strength in Step 9. When making amends, focus on being completely honest about your part in the situation, while maintaining integrity in how you present yourself. Avoid manipulative tactics or controlling the outcome of the conversation.
   • Question to reflect on: How can I ensure that my amends are made with complete honesty, without trying to control the outcome?
5. Balance Power with Compassion: Making amends is not about regaining power or control over others. Instead, it’s about approaching the process with compassion, both for yourself and for the person you are making amends to. Recognize that true strength comes from the willingness to heal relationships, not dominate them.
   • Question to reflect on: How can I balance my natural strength with compassion when making amends?

Specific Steps for Type 8 in Step 9:

1. List the people you have harmed: Reflect on situations where your intense personality or need for control led to harm. Consider both direct conflicts and subtle ways you may have hurt others, including neglecting emotional needs or bulldozing through others’ boundaries.
2. Discern appropriate amends: For each person, reflect on how making amends would contribute to healing the relationship. As a Type 8, be mindful not to make amends as a way to reassert control. Instead, focus on genuine healing.
3. Prepare for directness: You value direct communication, but remember to temper it with gentleness. Plan your conversations carefully, being mindful of how your words might impact the other person.
4. Make the amends in person (where possible): Given your preference for directness, face-to-face amends might feel more natural. However, remain open to making amends in a way that considers the needs and feelings of the other person, not just what feels most comfortable for you.
5. Accept the outcome: Step 9 isn’t about forcing others to accept your amends. Once you’ve offered them with sincerity, release control over how they respond. Accepting that you cannot control how others react is a crucial part of your growth as a Type 8.

Summary:

For Type 8s, Step 9 in OA is about harnessing their natural strength to face the discomfort of vulnerability and make sincere amends. By balancing honesty with compassion, taking ownership without blame, and releasing control over others’ responses, Type 8s can experience profound healing, both in their relationships and in their journey with compulsive eating.

Through this process, Type 8s will also find that true power comes not from controlling others, but from the courage to make amends and heal the relationships that matter most.