STEP 9:
“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
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GOING DEEPER: TYPE 7 & STEP NINE
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For returning participants: This deeper pass of Step Nine transforms avoidance into presence. As a Type 7, your joy and optimism are gifts—now they become grounded in responsibility, follow-through, and the willingness to stay with discomfort long enough for real repair to happen.
Gentle reminder: You don’t need to feel good to do this step. You just need to stay.
1) The 5-S Filter (Safety • Sponsorship • Sincerity • Specifics • Surrender)
Aim: Stay grounded in responsibility instead of moving away from discomfort.
- Safety: Do not make amends that would harm you or them.
- Sponsorship: Share your plan; stay accountable and grounded.
- Sincerity: Motive = repair, not relief or “getting it over with.”
- Specifics: One behavior, one impact, one repair question.
- Surrender: Stay present without escaping or reframing too quickly.
- Celebration cue: Staying present is your greatest act of freedom.
2) Two-Minute Script (Type 7 cadence)
Aim: Stay focused, grounded, and emotionally present—no joking, minimizing, or pivoting.
Use it, then stop talking. Let the moment land.
- Thank you for meeting with me.
- “When I [specific behavior]…”
- “…I imagine it may have left you feeling [hurt / dismissed / overwhelmed / not considered].”
- “That was my part. I’m sorry.”
- “Is there anything you need from me now?”
- “I’m practicing [opposite behavior] so this doesn’t repeat.”
Boundary if needed: “I want to stay present with this and not move away from it. If I do, I may pause and come back.”
Celebration cue: Depth creates more freedom than escape.
3) Defense → Impact → Repair Map (Tie Steps 6 → 9)
Aim: Turn avoidance patterns into meaningful repair.
| Defense I Used | Likely Impact on Them | Repair I Can Offer |
|---|---|---|
| Avoidance / distraction | Felt dismissed or unimportant | Acknowledge avoidance; stay present moving forward |
| Minimizing issues | Felt invalidated or unheard | Name the impact; take it seriously |
| Overcommitting | Felt let down or unreliable | Follow through consistently; commit realistically |
| Reframing too quickly | Felt dismissed emotionally | Stay with discomfort; validate their experience |
Celebration cue: When you stay, relationships deepen.
4) Special Cases & Discernment
- Power Imbalance: Stay grounded; avoid escaping or over-talking.
- Family Systems: Keep it simple—no deflecting or joking.
- Legal/Financial: Seek guidance; follow through carefully.
- Abuse Contexts: Do not contact abusers; choose indirect or prayer-based amends.
- Celebration cue: Staying present builds real freedom.
5) Living Amends: Proof Over Time
Aim: Replace avoidance with consistency and presence.
Choose two opposite behaviors for 30 days.
| Opposite Behavior | Daily Check | Outcome |
|---|---|---|
| Stay present in difficult conversations | __ __ __ __ __ __ __ | “I stayed.” |
| Follow through on commitments | __ __ __ __ __ __ __ | “Trust increased.” |
Celebration cue: Consistency creates the freedom you were seeking.
6) Rehearsal: Three Moves for Presence
- Body: Stay still; resist the urge to move away.
- Voice: Speak simply; no humor or deflection.
- Mind: Replace “escape” with “stay.”
Celebration cue: Staying present is your new strength.
7) If They Say… (Response Grid)
| Their Response | Your Line | Next Step |
|---|---|---|
| “Thank you.” | “I appreciate you hearing me.” | Continue showing up. |
| “You missed something.” | “Thank you for telling me.” | Adjust repair. |
| “Not ready.” | “I understand.” | Continue living amends. |
| Angry | “I want to hear you.” | Pause and stay grounded. |
8) Prayer for Step 9 (Type 7)
Higher Power, help me stay present even when it is uncomfortable. Teach me to face what I have avoided with courage and honesty. Let me follow through with integrity and remain grounded in truth. Guide me to find real freedom through responsibility and connection. Amen.
Summary of Going Deeper: Step Nine for Type 7 is choosing presence over escape. When you stay with what is real, you discover the deeper freedom you’ve been seeking.