STEP 9:
“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
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GOING DEEPER: TYPE 9 & STEP NINE
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For returning participants: This deeper pass of Step Nine transforms avoidance into presence and peacekeeping into truth. As a Type 9, your calm and acceptance are gifts—now they become powerful when joined with clear voice, ownership, and follow-through.
Gentle reminder: Keeping the peace is not the same as creating healing. Your voice matters here.
1) The 5-S Filter (Safety • Sponsorship • Sincerity • Specifics • Surrender)
Aim: Stay present and engaged rather than avoiding discomfort.
- Safety: Do not make amends that would harm you or them.
- Sponsorship: Share your plan; stay supported and accountable.
- Sincerity: Motive = repair, not keeping things comfortable or smooth.
- Specifics: One behavior, one impact, one repair question.
- Surrender: Let go of avoiding tension—stay present through it.
- Celebration cue: Your voice brings real peace, not conflict.
2) Two-Minute Script (Type 9 cadence)
Aim: Speak clearly and directly—no minimizing, softening, or disappearing.
Use it, then stop talking. Stay present.
- Thank you for meeting with me.
- “When I [specific behavior]…”
- “…I imagine it may have left you feeling [unheard / unimportant / confused / hurt].”
- “That was my part. I’m sorry.”
- “Is there anything you need from me now?”
- “I’m practicing [opposite behavior] so this doesn’t repeat.”
Boundary if needed: “I want to stay present and not shut down. If I do, I may pause and come back.”
Celebration cue: Speaking up creates deeper connection.
3) Defense → Impact → Repair Map (Tie Steps 6 → 9)
Aim: Turn avoidance into meaningful repair.
| Defense I Used | Likely Impact on Them | Repair I Can Offer |
|---|---|---|
| Avoidance / procrastination | Felt unimportant or ignored | Acknowledge delay; follow through promptly |
| Minimizing issues | Felt dismissed or invalidated | Take concerns seriously; respond directly |
| Going along to avoid conflict | Felt unclear or misled | Be honest and clear about your position |
| Shutting down | Felt disconnected or abandoned | Stay present; communicate instead of withdrawing |
Celebration cue: Your presence and clarity bring real harmony.
4) Special Cases & Discernment
- Power Imbalance: Stay grounded; do not disappear or defer automatically.
- Family Systems: Be clear and direct—no blending or avoiding.
- Legal/Financial: Seek guidance; take steady, clear steps.
- Abuse Contexts: Do not contact abusers; choose indirect or prayer-based amends.
- Celebration cue: Your voice deserves to be heard.
5) Living Amends: Proof Over Time
Aim: Replace avoidance with steady engagement.
Choose two opposite behaviors for 30 days.
| Opposite Behavior | Daily Check | Outcome |
|---|---|---|
| Speak up clearly and directly | __ __ __ __ __ __ __ | “I used my voice.” |
| Follow through without delay | __ __ __ __ __ __ __ | “Trust increased.” |
Celebration cue: Consistent action builds true peace.
6) Rehearsal: Three Moves for Presence & Voice
- Body: Sit upright; stay physically engaged.
- Voice: Speak clearly; do not soften or trail off.
- Mind: Replace “keep the peace” with “tell the truth.”
Celebration cue: Your voice is part of the healing.
7) If They Say… (Response Grid)
| Their Response | Your Line | Next Step |
|---|---|---|
| “Thank you.” | “I appreciate you hearing me.” | Continue showing up. |
| “You missed something.” | “Thank you for telling me.” | Adjust repair. |
| “Not ready.” | “I understand.” | Continue living amends. |
| Angry | “I want to hear you.” | Stay present; do not shut down. |
8) Prayer for Step 9 (Type 9)
Higher Power, help me stay present and use my voice. Give me the courage to face what I have avoided and the strength to follow through. Teach me that real peace comes from truth, not avoidance. Let my actions bring healing, clarity, and connection. Amen.
Summary of Going Deeper: Step Nine for Type 9 is choosing presence over avoidance. When you speak clearly and follow through, you create real peace and lasting connection.