Enneagram Type 8: Step 4 – Surrender School

STEP 4: “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

Resentment Inventory

For Type 8s, resentment often stems from feeling betrayed, disrespected, or controlled. They may resent people who try to limit their freedom or authority, or those they perceive as being manipulative or disloyal. Their resentment is fueled by their need to protect themselves and maintain control over their environment.

Resentment Launch Questions:

Who do I resent for betraying my trust or challenging my authority?
Where do I feel resentment toward others for being weak or indecisive?
How do I react when I feel controlled or disrespected?
Where have I avoided vulnerability, leading to unresolved resentment?

Create your own Resentment Form: Click here to download a blank Resentment Form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Resentment Form below.

Example Resentment Form

Who/What I Resent	Why I Resent Them	How It Affects Me (Self-Esteem, Pride, Relationships)	My Part in It
My partner	They questioned my decisions, making me feel disrespected.	I feel angry and distant from them.	I didn’t express my feelings calmly and respectfully.
My boss	They micromanage my work, which feels controlling.	I feel defensive and resentful.	I didn’t address the issue constructively or set boundaries.
A friend	They shared something I told them in confidence.	I feel betrayed and unwilling to trust them again.	I didn’t clearly communicate my expectations about confidentiality.
My parent	They didn’t protect me when I needed them growing up.	I feel angry and mistrustful of authority figures.	I hold onto past grievances instead of seeking resolution.
A coworker	They failed to support me during a critical project.	I feel let down and question their reliability.	I didn’t address my expectations clearly or ask for help directly.
A sibling	They often dismiss my opinions in family discussions.	I feel hurt and defensive.	I react with anger instead of calmly expressing my feelings.
My recovery sponsor	They challenged my approach, making me feel criticized.	I feel mistrustful and defensive.	I avoided reflecting on their feedback and became combative.
Myself	I didn’t stand up for myself when I felt disrespected.	I feel ashamed and frustrated.	I let fear or pride stop me from addressing the situation directly.
Society	It creates rules that feel restrictive or unfair to me.	I feel angry and resist authority unnecessarily.	I focus on what I dislike instead of finding ways to create change.

Fear Inventory

Type 8s fear being powerless, controlled, or at the mercy of others. This fear drives their need to assert control and avoid vulnerability at all costs. They must face the fear that letting down their guard doesn’t equate to weakness but opens the door to connection and growth.

Fear Launch Questions:

What fears about being controlled or betrayed dominate my thoughts and actions?
How does my fear of vulnerability affect my relationships and decisions?
Where do I avoid asking for help because of my fear of appearing weak?
How does my need to stay in control lead me to resist authority or collaboration?

Create your own Fear Form: Click here to download a blank Fear Form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Fear Form below.

Example Fear Form

Fear	What I Do In Response	How What I Do Makes Me Feel	How What I Do Affects Others	What Would GOD Have Me Be
Fear of betrayal	I test others’ loyalty, control relationships, and avoid vulnerability.	I feel guarded, isolated, and distrustful.	Others feel shut out, untrusted, and manipulated.	Open to trusting God and others while setting boundaries.
Fear of losing control	I micromanage, dominate situations, and resist collaboration.	I feel stressed, controlling, and resentful.	Others feel stifled, resentful, and controlled.	Trusting God to guide me and letting go of control.
Fear of appearing weak	I suppress emotions, become aggressive, and avoid vulnerability.	I feel tense, emotionally repressed, and isolated.	Others feel disconnected, intimidated, and distant.	Confident in showing emotions and trusting God’s strength.
Fear of being dominated	I resist authority, become combative, and control interactions.	I feel defensive, combative, and isolated.	Others feel uncooperative, combative, and intimidated.	Willing to collaborate and trust in God’s protection.
Fear of failure	I avoid risks, control outcomes, and become overly competitive.	I feel pressured, controlling, and limited.	Others feel overly focused on control, and pressured.	Willing to fail and grow through God’s guidance.
Fear of dependence	I overwork, avoid delegating, and control tasks.	I feel self-sufficient, burdened, and isolated.	Others feel untrusted, and that their abilities are not respected.	Secure in asking for and receiving help.
Fear of being dismissed	I react aggressively, dominate conversations, and control interactions.	I feel defensive, aggressive, and misunderstood.	Others feel attacked, misunderstood, and dismissed.	Confident in my value, even when others don’t acknowledge it.
Fear of uncertainty	I try to control every aspect, resist change, and become rigid.	I feel stressed, controlling, and rigid.	Others feel micromanaged, untrusted, and stifled.	Trusting in God’s plan even in uncertainty.
Fear of being insignificant	I dominate conversations, control situations, and seek constant influence.	I feel powerful, controlling, and dismissive.	Others feel overwhelmed, dismissed, and controlled.	Secure in my worth without needing constant validation.

Harm Inventory

Type 8s may inadvertently harm others by being overly controlling, reactive, or resistant to vulnerability. Their strong will and intensity, while protective in nature, can sometimes push people away or create unnecessary conflict.

Harm Launch Questions:

How have I harmed others by trying to control situations or relationships?
Where have I avoided vulnerability, leaving others feeling distant or unimportant?
How has my fear of betrayal caused harm in my relationships?
Where have I used anger or intensity to protect myself, rather than seeking resolution?

Create your own Harm Form: Click here to download a blank Harm Form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Harm Form below.

Example Harm Form

Who I Harmed	What I Did	How I Harmed Them (or Myself)	What I Should Have Done Instead
My partner	Reacted with anger when I felt disrespected.	Created fear and distance in our relationship.	Expressed my feelings calmly and listened to theirs.
A coworker	Micromanaged their work, doubting their abilities.	Hurt their confidence and damaged trust.	Delegated with trust and provided support as needed.
My parent	Avoided showing vulnerability, even when I needed help.	Created emotional distance and unresolved pain.	Shared my feelings and allowed them to support me.
A friend	Pushed them away when I felt they let me down.	Harmed our friendship and left unresolved issues.	Communicated my feelings openly instead of withdrawing.
My sibling	Dismissed their opinions to assert my authority.	Hurt their feelings and created resentment.	Respected their input and sought common ground.
My recovery group	Used intensity to dominate discussions.	Created tension and hindered group connection.	Listened more and allowed others to share equally.
Myself	Overworked to avoid asking for help.	Caused stress and burnout.	Trusted God and others to share the burden.
My community	Resisted authority, creating conflict in group settings.	Damaged relationships and limited collaboration.	Approached authority with respect and openness.
My partner	Withheld vulnerability to maintain control.	Created emotional distance and frustration.	Opened up and shared feelings honestly.

Congratulations you have completed Step 4!

Summary:

For an Enneagram Type 8 working Step 4, the key is to uncover how their fear of being controlled or betrayed drives much of their behavior. By reflecting on resentments, fears, harms, and defects of character, they can gain insight into how their intensity, need for control, and avoidance of vulnerability affect their relationships and recovery. This inventory helps Type 8s confront these patterns and move toward greater trust, openness, and balance in their lives, relying on God for protection and guidance.