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Understanding and Preparing for Step 6

• Read the entire directions for Step 6.
• Understand the Purpose of Step 6:

This step is not about removing your defects yourself—it’s about becoming willing to let God remove them. It’s okay to feel resistance; willingness grows as you observe and reflect on how these defenses affect your life.

• Read the following Passage from the Alcoholics Anonymous: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (pages 66 and 67):

What we must recognize now is that we exult in some of our defects. We really love them. Who, for example doesn’t like to feel just a little superior to the next fellow, or even quite a lot superior? Isn’t it true that we like to let greed masquerade as ambition? To think of liking lust seems impossible. But how many men and women speak love with their lips, and believe what they say, so they can hide lust in a dark corner of their minds? And even while staying within conventional bounds, many people have to admit their imaginary sex excursions are apt to be all dressed up as dreams of romance. 

 

Self-righteous anger can be very enjoyable. In a perverse way we can actually take satisfaction from the fact that many people annoy us, for it brings a comfortable feeling of superiority. Gossip[ barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character assassination, has its satisfactions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those we criticize, we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness.

 

When gluttony is less than ruinous, we have a mild word for that, too; we call it “taking our comfort.” We live in a world riddled with envy. To a greater or less degree, everybody is infected with it. From this defect we must surely get a warped yet definite satisfaction. Else why would we consume such great amounts of time wishing for what we have not, rather than working for it, or angrily looking for attributes we shall never have, instead of adjusting to the fact and accepting it? And how often we work hard with no better motive than to be secure and slothful later on—only we call that retiring. Consider too, our talents for procrastination, which is really sloth in five syllables. Nearly anyone could submit a good list of such defects as these, and few of us would seriously think of giving them up, at least until they cause us excessive misery.

• Trust the Process: Remember, just as you couldn’t overcome food addiction without God’s help, you cannot eliminate these defenses alone. Step 6 prepares your heart and mind for working step 7 where you will invite God to work in you.
• Read the example Defenses Readiness Assessment (below) and print out some blank copies of the Defenses Readiness Assessment so that you can explore the benefits and costs of hanging onto your own defenses.

 

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Completing your Defenses Readiness Assessment

• Review each of the Defenses you listed in your Step 5 Defense Inventory. List each of them in the leftmost column of the Defenses Readiness Assessment. You can always add more defenses as needed.
• For Each Defense: Answer each questions in the table.
  1. How does it help you? (How has this served me in the past?)
  2. How do you resist letting go? (What fears make it hard to let go?)
  3. How will you benefit from letting go? (What might life look like without this defense?)
  4. What opposite behavior can you take to begin to let go of this defense?
  5. Check your Willingness to live without it:
     • Ask yourself, “Am I really willing to live without this character defect and what it does for me?”
     • Determine if there are any steps you can take to increase your willingness.
     • Rate your readiness to let this defense go, from 1 (not ready) to 5 (entirely ready). Put your answer in the table.

 

Example Defenses Readiness Assessment – Type 5

 

Character Defense	How does it help you?	How do you resist letting go?	How will you benefit from letting go?	Opposite Behavior	Willingness (1-5)
Intellectualizing	Allows me to understand and manage situations logically.	Fear of being overwhelmed by emotions.	Experience deeper emotional connections and personal growth.	I can engage with both logic and emotion, recognizing that feelings are valuable sources of insight.	3
Withdrawing	Provides a safe space to recharge and reflect.	Concern about losing personal space and energy.	Build stronger relationships and support networks.	I can stay engaged with others while maintaining the space I need to recharge.	2
Hoarding knowledge	Gives a sense of preparedness and competence.	Belief that sharing may lead to vulnerability.	Foster collaboration and mutual learning.	I can freely share my knowledge, trusting that learning is a two-way exchange.	3
Emotional detachment	Protects me from potential emotional pain.	Fear of being hurt or overwhelmed by feelings.	Experience richer and more fulfilling relationships.	I can allow myself to feel and express emotions without fear of being consumed by them.	2
Fear of incompetence	Drives me to continually learn and improve.	Avoidance of situations where I might fail.	Gain confidence and embrace new challenges.	I can trust in my ability to learn as I go, knowing that mistakes are part of growth.	4
Avoidance of dependency	Ensures I remain self-sufficient and autonomous.	Reluctance to rely on others for support.	Develop trust and interdependence in relationships.	I can accept help from others, knowing that connection strengthens rather than weakens me.	3
Self-isolation	Allows me to maintain control over my environment.	Desire to avoid external demands and intrusions.	Enhance social connections and reduce loneliness.	I can engage socially in ways that feel safe and rewarding, without fear of being drained.	2
Overthinking	Helps me anticipate potential problems and solutions.	Difficulty in taking action without thorough analysis.	Make decisions more efficiently and reduce stress.	I can take action even when I don’t have all the answers, trusting in my ability to adapt.	3
Fear of inadequacy	Motivates me to strive for competence and mastery.	Hesitation to engage in unfamiliar activities.	Embrace learning experiences and personal development.	I can believe in my intrinsic worth, knowing that I am enough even when learning something new.	4

 

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Seek Support and Guidance

• Share your table with your sponsor or trusted advisor to explore how detachment, intellectualization, and fear of depletion have shaped your experience. Discuss how these defenses have influenced your relationships and ability to engage emotionally.
• Engage in journaling, meditation, or prayer to reflect on how your tendency to withdraw or overanalyze situations has affected your emotional well-being. Ask your Higher Power to help you trust that it is safe to engage with others and share your inner world.
• Listen to the Surrender School’s Step 6 Meditation.
• Develop affirmations such as: *”I am safe to connect and be present with others,”* or *”I trust that I will not be depleted by engaging emotionally.”* Use these to replace isolation with openness.
• Check out Surrender School’s meditations, office hours, and other offerings to find support in balancing knowledge with emotional connection.

 

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Summary:

Remember to practice self-compassion and acknowledge that change is challenging. Be kind to yourself as you work through your fears and anxieties. For Type 5s, working Step 6 involves recognizing and becoming willing to release defects related to detachment, withholding, and over-intellectualizing. This step requires Type 5s to reflect on the impact of these patterns, assess their readiness for change, and seek support. By cultivating trust in the recovery process and practicing self-compassion, Type 5s can work toward greater connection and emotional balance in their lives.