STEP 6: “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”
For Enneagram Type 5, Step 6 is about preparing to release the need for detachment, over-intellectualizing, and withholding as ways of staying safe. Type 5s often use these defenses to protect their energy and maintain control over their environment. In this step, they reflect on how these patterns have both helped and hindered them and become willing to let them go. This requires trust in a Higher Power, a willingness to engage with the world, and a commitment to balance openness and boundaries.
Understanding and Preparing for Step 6
- Read the entire directions for Step 6.
- Understand the Purpose of Step 6:
This step is not about removing your defects yourself—it’s about becoming willing to let God remove them. It’s okay to feel resistance; willingness grows as you observe and reflect on how these defenses affect your life.
- Read the following Passage from the Alcoholics Anonymous: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (pages 66 and 67):
What we must recognize now is that we exult in some of our defects. We really love them. Who, for example doesn’t like to feel just a little superior to the next fellow, or even quite a lot superior? Isn’t it true that we like to let greed masquerade as ambition? To think of liking lust seems impossible. But how many men and women speak love with their lips, and believe what they say, so they can hide lust in a dark corner of their minds? And even while staying within conventional bounds, many people have to admit their imaginary sex excursions are apt to be all dressed up as dreams of romance.
Self-righteous anger can be very enjoyable. In a perverse way we can actually take satisfaction from the fact that many people annoy us, for it brings a comfortable feeling of superiority. Gossip[ barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character assassination, has its satisfactions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those we criticize, we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness.
When gluttony is less than ruinous, we have a mild word for that, too; we call it “taking our comfort.” We live in a world riddled with envy. To a greater or less degree, everybody is infected with it. From this defect we must surely get a warped yet definite satisfaction. Else why would we consume such great amounts of time wishing for what we have not, rather than working for it, or angrily looking for attributes we shall never have, instead of adjusting to the fact and accepting it? And how often we work hard with no better motive than to be secure and slothful later on—only we call that retiring. Consider too, our talents for procrastination, which is really sloth in five syllables. Nearly anyone could submit a good list of such defects as these, and few of us would seriously think of giving them up, at least until they cause us excessive misery.
- Trust the Process: Remember, just as you couldn’t overcome food addiction without God’s help, you cannot eliminate these defenses alone. Step 6 prepares your heart and mind for working step 7 where you will invite God to work in you.
- Print blank Readiness Tables: Read the example Defenses Readiness Table (below) and print out some blank copies of the Defenses Readiness Table so that you can begin to explore the benefits and costs of hanging onto your own defenses.
Completing your Defenses Readiness Table
- Review each of the Defenses you listed in your Step 5 Defense Inventory. List each of them in the leftmost column of the Defenses Readiness Table. You can always add more as needed.
- For Each Defense: Answer the questions in the table.
- How does it help you? (How has this served me in the past?)
- How do I resist letting go? (What fears make it hard to let go?)
- How will I benefit from letting go? (What might life look like without this defense?)
- For Each Defense: Check your Willingness to live without it:
- Ask yourself, “Am I really willing to live without this character defect and what it does for me?”
- Determine if there are any steps you can take to increase your willingness.
- Rate your readiness to let this defense go, from 1 (not ready) to 5 (entirely ready). Put your answer in the table.
Step 6: Example Defenses Readiness Table
| Character Defense | How does it help you? | How do I resist letting go? | How will I benefit from letting go? | Willingness (1-5) |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Detachment | Protects energy and avoids overwhelm. | Fear of losing control or being drained. | Fosters connection and emotional fulfillment. | 3 |
| Withholding | Maintains boundaries and protects vulnerability. | Fear of being hurt or misunderstood. | Builds trust and intimacy with others. | 4 |
| Over-Intellectualizing | Provides safety by focusing on knowledge. | Fear of uncertainty or emotional exposure. | Encourages balance between mind and emotions. | 3 |
Seek Support and Guidance (Optional)
- Share your table with your sponsor or trusted advisor to explore how detachment and withholding have impacted your relationships and your willingness to let them go.
- Engage in journaling, meditation, or prayer to reflect on how these patterns have kept you isolated and to seek guidance from your Higher Power.
- Trust the recovery process and your Higher Power. Remind yourself that releasing these defenses allows for deeper connection and engagement.
- Develop affirmations such as: “I have enough energy to engage with the world,” or “It’s safe to open my heart,” to replace fear with trust.
- Check out Surrender School’s meditations, office hours, and other offerings to find support and encouragement.
Summary
Remember to practice self-compassion and acknowledge that change is challenging. Be kind to yourself as you work through your fears and anxieties. For Type 5s, working Step 6 involves recognizing and becoming willing to release defects related to detachment, withholding, and over-intellectualizing. This step requires Type 5s to reflect on the impact of these patterns, assess their readiness for change, and seek support. By cultivating trust in the recovery process and practicing self-compassion, Type 5s can work toward greater connection and emotional balance in their lives.