Enneagram Type 5: Step 6 – Surrender School

STEP 6: “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”

For Enneagram Type 5, Step 6 is about preparing to release the need for detachment, over-intellectualizing, and withholding as ways of staying safe. Type 5s often use these defenses to protect their energy and maintain control over their environment. In this step, they reflect on how these patterns have both helped and hindered them and become willing to let them go. This requires trust in a Higher Power, a willingness to engage with the world, and a commitment to balance openness and boundaries.

Understanding and Preparing for Step 6

Read the entire directions for Step 6, this whole webpage.
Understand the Purpose of Step 6:

This step is not about removing your defenses yourself—it’s about becoming willing to let God remove them. It’s okay to feel resistance; willingness grows as you observe and reflect on how these defenses affect your life.

Ego defense mechanisms are unconscious psychological strategies used by the ego to protect itself from overwhelming emotions, to maintain psychological balance. These mechanisms help individuals cope with stress, anxiety, trauma, and conflict, playing a crucial role in maintaining mental health.

Trust the Process: Remember, just as you couldn’t overcome food addiction without God’s help, you cannot eliminate these defenses alone. Step 6 prepares your heart and mind for working step 7 where you will invite God to work in you.
Print as many copies of the Step 6 Forms as needed:
- Defense Analysis Form: Write how each defense helps you, what it costs you, and how your life could improve without it.
- Readiness Assessment Form: Identify the actions needed (opposite behaviors) to let go of each defense and becoming willing to take those actions.

Completing your Defense Analysis

Review each of the defenses you listed in your Step 5 Defense Inventory. List each of them in the leftmost column of the Defense Analysis form. You can always add more defenses as needed.
For Each Defense: answer each question in the Defense Analysis form.
1. How does your Ego think it helps you? (How has this served you in the past?)
2. What does it cost you? (Look at the harms columns in your Step 5 Defense Inventory.)
3. What do you fear about letting it go?
4. How will you benefit from letting it go? (What life looks like without this defense.)

Example Defense Analysis – Type 5

Character Defense	How does your Ego think it helps you?	What does it cost you?	What do you fear about letting it go?	How will you benefit from letting go?
Intellectualizing	Allows me to understand and manage situations logically.	I feel disconnected and overwhelmed by unprocessed emotions. Others may feel I’m cold or unavailable.	Fear of being overwhelmed by emotions.	Experience deeper emotional connections and personal growth.
Withdrawing	Provides a safe space to recharge and reflect.	I feel isolated and out of touch with others. Others may feel abandoned or rejected.	Concern about losing personal space and energy.	Build stronger relationships and support networks.
Hoarding knowledge	Gives a sense of preparedness and competence.	I feel burdened and isolated by keeping things to myself. Others may feel excluded or undervalued.	Belief that sharing may lead to vulnerability.	Foster collaboration and mutual learning.
Emotional detachment	Protects me from potential emotional pain.	I feel numb, lonely and disconnected. Others feel confused, unimportant, distant, or unloved.	Fear of being hurt or overwhelmed by feelings.	Experience richer and more fulfilling relationships.
Fear of incompetence	Drives me to continually learn and improve.	I feel anxious and never good enough. Others feel like I avoid new challenges or teamwork.	Avoidance of situations where I might fail.	Gain confidence and embrace new challenges.
Avoidance of dependency	Ensures I remain self-sufficient and autonomous.	I feel alone and unsupported. Others feel untrusted or unnecessary.	Reluctance to rely on others for support.	Develop trust and interdependence in relationships.
Self-isolation	Allows me to maintain control over my environment.	I feel lonely, misunderstood, and disconnected. Others feel rejected, unimportant, or confused.	Desire to avoid external demands and intrusions.	Enhance social connections and reduce loneliness.
Overthinking	Helps me anticipate potential problems and solutions.	I feel paralyzed by analysis. Others feel frustrated by inaction or delays.	Difficulty in taking action without thorough analysis.	Make decisions more efficiently and reduce stress.
Fear of inadequacy	Motivates me to strive for competence and mastery.	I feel ashamed when I don’t know the answer. Others feel like I’m distant, unintrusted, or overly self-critical.	Hesitation to engage in unfamiliar activities.	Embrace learning experiences and personal development.

Completing your Readiness Assessment

In Column 1, list the same defenses from the Defense Analysis form(s) that you just completed.
For each defense, fill in the Opposite Behavior and Willingness columns.
1. Opposite Behavior: What opposite behavior can you take to begin to let go of this defense?
2. Check your willingness to live without it:
  - Ask yourself, am I really willing to live without this character defense and what it does for me?
  - Determine if there are any steps you can take to increase your willingness.
  - Rate your readiness to let this defense go, from 1 (not ready) to 5 (entirely ready). Put your answer in the table.

Example Readiness Assessment – Type 5

Character Defense	Opposite Behavior	Willingness (1–5)
Intellectualizing	I can engage with both logic and emotion, recognizing that feelings are valuable sources of insight.	3
Withdrawing	I can stay engaged with others while maintaining the space I need to recharge.	2
Hoarding knowledge	I can freely share my knowledge, trusting that learning is a two-way exchange.	3
Emotional detachment	I can allow myself to feel and express emotions without fear of being consumed by them.	2
Fear of incompetence	I can trust in my ability to learn as I go, knowing that mistakes are part of growth.	4
Avoidance of dependency	I can accept help from others, knowing that connection strengthens rather than weakens me.	3
Self-isolation	I can engage socially in ways that feel safe and rewarding, without fear of being drained.	2
Overthinking	I can take action even when I don’t have all the answers, trusting in my ability to adapt.	3
Fear of inadequacy	I can believe in my intrinsic worth, knowing that I am enough even when learning something new.	4

Seek Support and Guidance

Share your table with your sponsor or kind observer to explore how detachment, intellectualization, and fear of depletion have shaped your experience. Discuss how these defenses have influenced your relationships and ability to engage emotionally.
Engage in journaling, meditation, or prayer to reflect on how your tendency to withdraw or overanalyze situations has affected your emotional well-being. Ask your Higher Power to help you trust that it is safe to engage with others and share your inner world.
Listen to Surrender School’s Step 6 Meditation.
Develop affirmations such as: *”I am safe to connect and be present with others,”* or *”I trust that I will not be depleted by engaging emotionally.”* Use these to replace isolation with openness.
Check out Surrender School’s meditations, office hours, and other offerings to find support in balancing knowledge with emotional connection.

Summary:

Remember to practice self-compassion and acknowledge that change is challenging. Be kind to yourself as you work through your fears and anxieties. For Type 5s, working Step 6 involves recognizing and becoming willing to release defects related to detachment, withholding, and over-intellectualizing. This step requires Type 5s to reflect on the impact of these patterns, assess their readiness for change, and seek support. By cultivating trust in the recovery process and practicing self-compassion, Type 5s can work toward greater connection and emotional balance in their lives.