Enneagram Type 5: Step 4 – Surrender School

STEP 4: “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

Resentment Inventory

For Type 5s, resentment often stems from feeling overwhelmed by others’ demands or intrusions on their time, space, or energy. They may resent people who fail to respect their boundaries or who they perceive as overly needy. This resentment is fueled by their fear of depletion and their desire to conserve their resources and maintain independence.

Resentment Launch Questions:

In what ways do I feel resentful when others demand my time or energy?
Where have I withheld support or connection out of fear of being depleted?
How do I feel when others don’t respect my boundaries or personal space?
Where have I judged others for being overly emotional or dependent?

Create your own Resentment Form: Click here to download a blank Resentment form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Resentment Form below.

Who/What I Resent	Why I Resent Them	How It Affects Me (Self-Esteem, Pride, Relationships)	My Part in It
My partner	They expect too much emotional support from me.	I feel drained, overwhelmed, and resentful.	I don’t communicate my limits or needs clearly.
A family member	They often ask for my help without considering my time.	I feel taken advantage of and undervalued.	I avoid setting boundaries and allow them to intrude.
A coworker	They interrupt my focus with constant questions.	I feel frustrated and unable to concentrate.	I don’t express my need for uninterrupted time.
My friend	They rely on me for advice but never reciprocate support.	I feel used and disconnected.	I offer help without asking for anything in return.
My boss	They expect me to be available beyond work hours.	I feel pressured and unable to recharge.	I don’t advocate for my personal time or boundaries.
A recovery group member	They share emotions that feel overwhelming to me.	I feel distant and irritated by their vulnerability.	I judge them instead of empathizing or setting limits.
A neighbor	They ask for favors but don’t reciprocate.	I feel frustrated and taken for granted.	I don’t communicate my expectations or limits.
My parent	They don’t respect my need for independence or space.	I feel suffocated and resentful.	I avoid direct communication and withdraw instead.
Myself	I isolate to avoid feeling overwhelmed by others.	I feel lonely and disconnected.	I avoid reaching out for support when I need it.

Fear Inventory

Type 5s fear being overwhelmed, incapable, or drained. This fear drives their tendency to withhold, withdraw, or avoid situations that feel emotionally or physically demanding. They must face the fear that they can rely on others and still maintain their independence.

Fear Launch Questions

How does my fear of being overwhelmed affect my relationships and decisions?
Where do I withhold my time, energy, or emotions out of fear of depletion?
How does my fear of being incompetent keep me from taking risks or engaging fully with others?
Where do I avoid connection to protect myself from vulnerability?

Create your own Resentment Form: Click here to download a blank Fear form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Fear Form below.

Example Fear Form

Fear	What I Do In Response	How What I Do Makes Me Feel	How What I Do Affects Others	What Would GOD Have Me Be
Fear of being overwhelmed	I avoid connection, isolate myself, and withdraw from demands.	I feel detached, safe, and depleted.	Others feel rejected, unimportant, and dismissed.	Trusting that I can engage without losing myself.
Fear of being inadequate	I avoid challenges, research excessively, and withhold participation.	I feel safe, knowledgeable, and insecure.	Others feel I’m disengaged, unhelpful, and distant.	Confident in learning and growing through experiences.
Fear of depletion	I withhold my time and emotions, conserve energy, and detach.	I feel protected, drained, and isolated.	Others feel disconnected, unsupported, and neglected.	Generous with my time and presence when guided by God.
Fear of dependency	I refuse help, struggle alone, and maintain independence.	I feel self-sufficient, isolated, and burdened.	Others feel shut out, unable to support me, and frustrated.	Open to interdependence and mutual support.
Fear of vulnerability	I suppress feelings, detach, and avoid emotional intimacy.	I feel controlled, detached, and emotionally distant.	Others feel I’m cold, unapproachable, and distant.	Open and trusting in my emotional expression.
Fear of failure	I avoid risks, stay in my comfort zone, and over analyze.	I feel safe, stagnant, and anxious.	Others may see me as disengaged, uninvolved, and passive.	Brave in stepping out of my comfort zone with faith in God.
Fear of intrusion	I withdraw, avoid deeper relationships, and set up boundaries.	I feel protected, isolated, and detached.	Others feel neglected, unimportant, and distanced.	Present and engaged without fear of depletion.
Fear of emotional demands	I dismiss or avoid emotionally charged situations, and detach.	I feel controlled, detached, and emotionally drained.	Others feel unsupported, judged, and dismissed.	Compassionate and empathetic, trusting in God’s guidance.
Fear of losing control	I resist change, cling to routines, and detach from emotional situations.	I feel safe, rigid, and isolated.	Others feel stifled, disconnected, and dismissed.	Open to God’s plan, trusting in the unknown.

Harms Inventory

Type 5s need to recognize how their withholding and withdrawing tendencies can harm their relationships and themselves. Their reluctance to engage emotionally or share their resources often creates disconnection and isolation.

Harm Launch Questions

In what ways have I hurt others by withdrawing or withholding?
Where have I avoided emotional intimacy, leaving others feeling neglected?
How has my fear of being overwhelmed caused harm in my relationships?
Where have I judged others for being too needy or demanding?

Create your own Harm Form: Click here to download a blank Harm Form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Harm Form below.

Example Harm Form

Who I Harmed	What I Did	How I Harmed Them (or Myself)	What I Should Have Done Instead
My partner	Withdrew emotionally when they needed support.	Made them feel unloved and disconnected.	Engaged with empathy and offered reassurance.
My child	Refused to share my time or energy when they wanted connection.	Made them feel unimportant or rejected.	Dedicated time to connect and support them emotionally.
A friend	Withheld emotional support when they were struggling.	Left them feeling isolated and unsupported.	Listened and offered compassion without fear of depletion.
My parent	Kept my distance to avoid their emotional needs.	Created tension and emotional distance in our relationship.	Set boundaries while staying engaged and present.
A coworker	Refused to collaborate because I wanted to work independently.	Made them feel unsupported and disconnected.	Collaborated with openness and generosity.
My recovery group	Withheld my insights or experiences to avoid sharing too much.	Missed opportunities to contribute and connect with others.	Shared honestly and trusted God to guide my words.
A sibling	Refused to help them when they asked for support.	Harmed our relationship and created resentment.	Offered help without fear of being overwhelmed.
Myself	Isolated to avoid emotional demands from others.	Felt lonely, disconnected, and unfulfilled.	Reached out for connection and support when needed.
My team	Withdrew from collaboration to conserve my energy.	Created resentment and tension in the team dynamic.	Balanced collaboration with clear boundaries.

Congratulations you have completed Step 4!

Summary:

For an Enneagram Type 5 working Step 4, the key is to uncover how their fear of depletion and overwhelm drives much of their behavior. By reflecting on resentments, fears, harms, and defects of character, they can gain insight into how their withholding tendencies affect their relationships, self-worth, and recovery. This inventory helps Type 5s confront these patterns and move toward greater openness, connection, and trust in God’s provision and guidance.