Enneagram Type 4: Step 4 – Surrender School

STEP 4: “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

Resentment Inventory

For Type 4s, resentment often stems from feeling misunderstood, unseen, or unappreciated. They may resent others who seem to have the happiness, beauty, or success they long for, or they may resent people who fail to recognize their depth or uniqueness.

Resentment Launch Questions:

Who do I resent for making me feel unseen or misunderstood?
Where do I feel envy toward others, and how does that resentment show up in my life?
How do I react when I feel others dismiss my emotions or individuality?
Where have I withdrawn or become passive-aggressive because of resentment?

Create your own Resentment Form: Click here to download a blank Resentment Form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Resentment Form below.

Example Resentment Form

Who/What I Resent	Why I Resent Them	How It Affects Me (Self-Esteem, Pride, Relationships)	My Part in It
A friend	They seem happier and more successful than I am.	I feel inadequate and disconnected.	I compare myself to them instead of appreciating my journey.
My parent	They didn’t understand or acknowledge my feelings.	I feel unseen and unworthy.	I hold onto old grievances instead of seeking healing.
A coworker	They receive more recognition despite my contributions.	I feel overlooked and undervalued.	I don’t advocate for myself or express my accomplishments.
My partner	They don’t appreciate the depth of my emotions.	I feel unloved and misunderstood.	I expect them to intuitively know my feelings instead of communicating.
A sibling	They have qualities or opportunities I wish I had.	I feel envious and isolated.	I focus on what I lack rather than what I have.
A recovery group member	They seem to be further along in their recovery journey.	I feel like I’m not doing enough and resent their progress.	I compare instead of celebrating their success and focusing on my path.
Myself	I didn’t take opportunities to express my uniqueness.	I feel ashamed and regretful.	I focus on self-criticism rather than growth and learning.
A social group	They didn’t invite me to events, making me feel excluded.	I feel unworthy and left out.	I isolate myself instead of reaching out or seeking inclusion.
Society	It prioritizes superficial qualities over depth and authenticity.	I feel alienated and angry.	I dwell on what I cannot change instead of focusing on where I can contribute meaningfully.

Fear Inventory

Type 4s fear being ordinary, insignificant, or lacking a unique identity. This fear drives their longing for authenticity and their focus on deep, personal meaning. They must face the fear that they are enough as they are, without needing to prove their uniqueness.

Fear Launch Questions:

What fears about my identity or significance dominate my thoughts and actions?
How does my fear of being ordinary or unimportant show up in my relationships?
Where do I avoid sharing my true self out of fear of rejection or misunderstanding?
How does my focus on what I lack affect my ability to connect with others?

Create your own Fear Form: Click here to download a blank Fear Form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Fear Form below.

Example Fear Form

Fear	What I Do In Response	How What I Do Makes Me Feel	How What I Do Affects Others	What Would GOD Have Me Be
Fear of being ordinary	I overemphasize my uniqueness.	I feel isolated.	Others feel disconnected from me.	Trusting that I am enough as I am.
Fear of rejection	I hide parts of myself.	I have superficial connections.	Others feel they can’t truly know me.	Open and vulnerable in relationships.
Fear of being misunderstood	I feel defensive and overly sensitive.	I feel defensive and overly sensitive.	Others feel unsure of how to approach me.	Confident in expressing my emotions without fear.
Fear of failure	I avoid taking risks or trying new things.	I avoid taking risks or trying new things.	Others feel I’m stuck or unwilling to grow.	Willing to fail and grow from the experience.
Fear of being insignificant	I constantly compare myself to others.	I feel anxious.	Others feel I’m overly focused on myself.	Secure in knowing my value is inherent.
Fear of being too much	I suppress my feelings.	I have inner turmoil.	Others feel confused about what I need.	Expressing emotions freely and trusting in God’s acceptance.
Fear of not belonging	I isolate or create conflict to avoid vulnerability.	I feel more isolated.	Others feel pushed away or misunderstood.	Secure in my worth and connection to God.
Fear of loss	I cling to relationships or ideas that no longer serve me.	I feel smothered and unable to grow.	Others feel smothered or unable to grow.	Trusting God to provide what I truly need.
Fear of inadequacy	I overwork or avoid situations where I might fall short.	I feel distant and overly focused on performance.	Others feel I’m distant or overly focused on performance.	Confident in my value beyond achievements.

Harm Inventory

Type 4s may inadvertently harm others by focusing too much on their own feelings or withdrawing when they feel misunderstood. They may project their envy or dissatisfaction onto others, creating distance in relationships.

Harm Launch Questions:

How have I harmed others by focusing on what I lack instead of what I can offer?
Where have I withdrawn or isolated myself, leaving others feeling neglected?
How has my need for validation affected my relationships with others?
Where have I let envy or comparison damage my ability to connect with others?

Create your own Harm Form: Click here to download a blank Harm Form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Harm Form below.

Example Harm Form

Who I Harmed	What I Did	How I Harmed Them (or Myself)	What I Should Have Done Instead
My partner	Focused on my own feelings instead of listening to theirs.	Made them feel ignored and unimportant.	Balanced my emotions with empathy for theirs.
A friend	Withdrew when I felt envious of their success.	Hurt our friendship by creating distance.	Celebrated their success and focused on gratitude.
My parent	Criticized them for not understanding me growing up.	Created tension and unresolved conflict.	Accepted their limitations and sought healing.
A coworker	Dismissed their accomplishments out of envy.	Damaged collaboration and trust at work.	Encouraged their growth and valued our teamwork.
Myself	Focused on what I lack instead of my strengths.	Created self-doubt and emotional pain.	Practiced self-compassion and celebrated my unique journey.
A sibling	Criticized their choices to feel superior.	Hurt our relationship and caused resentment.	Respected their path and showed kindness.
My recovery group	Stayed silent instead of sharing my insights.	Missed opportunities to connect and support others.	Shared honestly and trusted God to guide me.
A mentor	Dismissed their advice because I wanted to feel independent.	Harmed the relationship and lost valuable guidance.	Appreciated their wisdom and shared my concerns openly.
My community	Focused on what I felt was missing instead of contributing meaningfully.	Created distance and missed opportunities for connection.	Engaged fully and trusted my contributions mattered.

Congratulations you have completed Step 4!

Summary:

For an Enneagram Type 4 working Step 4, the key is to uncover how their need for uniqueness and significance drives much of their behavior. By reflecting on resentments, fears, harms, and defects of character, they can gain insight into how envy, self-focus, and withdrawal affect their relationships and recovery. This inventory helps Type 4s confront these patterns and move toward greater self-acceptance, connection, and trust in God’s love and purpose for their lives.