Enneagram Type 3: Step 6

Back to Supercharge Page

STEP 6: “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”

For Enneagram Type 3, Step 6 is about preparing to release the need for achievement, image-consciousness, and constant productivity as measures of self-worth. Type 3s often use these defenses to gain validation and maintain a sense of success. In this step, they reflect on the impact of these patterns, acknowledge how they’ve served and hindered them, and become willing to let them go. This requires honesty, trust in a Higher Power, and a willingness to embrace authenticity over appearances.

 

Understanding and Preparing for Step 6

  • Read the entire directions for Step 6, this whole webpage.
  • Understand the Purpose of Step 6:

This step is not about removing your defenses yourself—it’s about becoming willing to let God remove them. It’s okay to feel resistance; willingness grows as you observe and reflect on how these defenses affect your life.

Ego defense mechanisms are unconscious psychological strategies used by the ego to protect itself from overwhelming emotions, to maintain psychological balance. These mechanisms help individuals cope with stress, anxiety, trauma, and conflict, playing a crucial role in maintaining mental health.

  • Trust the Process: Remember, just as you couldn’t overcome food addiction without God’s help, you cannot eliminate these defenses alone. Step 6 prepares your heart and mind for working step 7 where you will invite God to work in you.
  • Print as many copies of the Step 6 Forms as needed:
    • Defense Analysis Form: Write how each defense helps you, what it costs you, and how your life could improve without it.
    • Readiness Assessment Form: Identify the actions needed (opposite behaviors) to let go of each defense and becoming willing to take those actions.

 

 

Completing your Defense Analysis

  • Review each of the defenses you listed in your Step 5 Defense Inventory. List each of them in the leftmost column of the Defense Analysis form. You can always add more defenses as needed.
  • For Each Defense: answer each question in the Defense Analysis form.
    1. How does your Ego think it helps you? (How has this served you in the past?)
    2. What does it cost you? (Look at the harms columns in your Step 5 Defense Inventory.)
    3. What do you fear about letting it go?
    4. How will you benefit from letting it go? (What life looks like without this defense.)

 

Example Defense Analysis – Type 3

Character Defense How does your Ego think it helps you? What does it cost you? What do you fear about letting it go? How will you benefit from letting go?
Overachievement Drives you to accomplish goals and gain external validation. I feel exhausted and disconnected from my deeper self. Others feel pressured or unseen around me. Fear of losing status and recognition. Experience inner peace and self-acceptance beyond accomplishments.
Image-consciousness Helps you fit into various social contexts and be admired. I feel insecure and performative. Others feel disconnected from my true self. Fear of being seen as unworthy or inadequate. Develop authentic relationships based on your true self.
Neglecting personal needs Allows you to focus on tasks and goals without distraction. I feel burned out and depleted. Others feel I am unavailable or disconnected. Belief that personal needs are less important than success. Achieve a healthier work-life balance and well-being.
Emotional detachment Prevents vulnerability and maintains a composed image. I feel numb and disconnected. Others feel I am distant or uncaring. Fear of emotions interfering with performance. Enhance emotional intelligence and deeper connections.
Manipulation Enables you to influence situations to achieve desired outcomes. I feel dishonest and controlling. Others feel mistrustful or used. Fear of losing control or not achieving goals. Foster trust and integrity in your relationships.
Perfectionism Ensures high standards and excellence in your work. I feel anxious and never satisfied. Others feel criticized or not good enough. Fear of failure or producing subpar results. Embrace mistakes as learning opportunities and reduce stress.
Fear of vulnerability Protects you from potential criticism or rejection. I feel lonely and inauthentic. Others feel distant or unable to connect deeply. Belief that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. Build genuine connections and personal growth.
Competition Motivates you to excel and outperform others. I feel isolated and tense. Others feel like rivals instead of teammates. Fear of being surpassed or deemed inferior. Collaborate effectively and appreciate others’ strengths.
Fear of failure Drives you to meticulously plan and execute tasks. I feel anxious and rigid. Others feel I am overly controlling or high-strung. Anxiety about not meeting expectations. Embrace resilience and learn from setbacks.

 

 

Completing your Readiness Assessment

  • In Column 1, list the same defenses from the Defense Analysis form(s) that you just completed.
  • For each defense, fill in the Opposite Behavior and Willingness columns.
    1. Opposite Behavior: What opposite behavior can you take to begin to let go of this defense?
    2. Check your willingness to live without it:
      • Ask yourself, am I really willing to live without this character defense and what it does for me?
      • Determine if there are any steps you can take to increase your willingness.
      • Rate your readiness to let this defense go, from 1 (not ready) to 5 (entirely ready). Put your answer in the table.

 

Example Readiness Assessment – Type 3

Character Defense Opposite Behavior Willingness (1–5)
Overachievement Allow myself to rest and value being rather than always doing. 3
Image-consciousness Show up authentically, even if that means not being impressive. 4
Neglecting personal needs Attend to my body, rest, and emotional needs with care and intention. 3
Emotional detachment Express emotions honestly even if I fear being seen as weak. 2
Manipulation Communicate directly and transparently, even if outcomes are uncertain. 3
Perfectionism Let go of flawless performance and accept human limitations. 4
Fear of vulnerability Share my true feelings even when I’m unsure how they will be received. 2
Competition Support and celebrate others, focusing on collaboration over comparison. 3
Fear of failure Take risks and allow mistakes without equating them to self-worth. 3

 

 

Seek Support and Guidance

  • Share your table with your sponsor or kind observer to explore how overachievement, image-consciousness, and the fear of failure have shaped your identity and your willingness to let go of these patterns. Discuss how these defenses have influenced your relationships and self-worth.
  • Engage in journaling, meditation, or prayer to reflect on how your drive for success and external validation has affected your emotional well-being. Ask your Higher Power for clarity in redefining success in a way that honors your authentic self.
  • Listen to Surrender School’s Step 6 Meditation.
  • Develop affirmations such as: *”I am valued for who I am, not just for what I achieve,”* or *”My worth is inherent, not determined by success or recognition.”* Use these to replace self-judgment with self-acceptance.
  • Check out Surrender School’s meditations, office hours, and other offerings to find support in embracing authenticity and self-worth beyond accomplishments.

 

Summary

Remember to practice self-compassion and acknowledge that change is challenging. Be kind to yourself as you work through your fears and anxieties. For Type 3s, working Step 6 involves recognizing and becoming willing to release defects related to achievement, image-consciousness, and workaholism. This step requires Type 3s to reflect on the impact of these patterns, assess their readiness for change, and seek support. By cultivating trust in the recovery process and practicing self-compassion, Type 3s can work toward greater authenticity and balance in their lives.