Enneagram Type 1: Step 4 – Surrender School

STEP 4: “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

Resentment Inventory

For Type 1s, resentment often stems from feeling that others do not live up to the high standards they set for themselves or for those around them. They may resent people for being irresponsible, cutting corners, or failing to recognize their efforts to “do the right thing.” This resentment is fueled by their drive to improve the world and their belief that they must shoulder this responsibility alone.

Resentment Launch Questions:

In what ways do I feel resentful when others fail to meet my standards?
Where have I tried to correct or fix others, only to feel frustrated when they resist?
How do I feel when others don’t recognize my efforts to do things the “right” way?
Where have I neglected my own needs while focusing on making things perfect?

Create your own Resentment Form: Click here to download a blank Resentment Form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Resentment Form below.

Example Resentment Form

Who/What I Resent	Why I Resent Them	How It Affects Me (Self-Esteem, Pride, Relationships)	My Part in It
My spouse	They don’t follow through on commitments.	I feel frustrated, unappreciated, and burdened.	I expect them to meet my standards without communicating clearly.
My boss	They overlook mistakes that I think should be addressed.	I feel invisible and unrecognized for my efforts to uphold high standards.	I try to control situations outside of my responsibility.
A friend	They seem irresponsible and make impulsive choices.	I feel critical of them and distanced in the relationship.	I judge them harshly instead of accepting them as they are.
My parent	They don’t acknowledge the high standards I try to maintain.	I feel inadequate and misunderstood.	I seek their approval to validate my worth.
A co-worker	They leave tasks unfinished or done poorly.	I feel annoyed and take on extra work to fix their mistakes.	I don’t delegate or communicate my expectations clearly.
A recovery group member	They don’t take the steps seriously or follow suggestions.	I feel judgmental and disconnected from the group.	I impose my standards on others and expect them to align with my views.
My child	They don’t meet my expectations for responsibility.	I feel disappointed and worry they won’t succeed.	I pressure them to conform to my standards.
A sibling	They dismiss my advice or perspective.	I feel rejected and undervalued.	I try to control their choices instead of respecting their autonomy.
Myself	I fail to live up to my own high standards.	I feel ashamed and critical of myself.	I set unrealistic expectations and don’t allow room for mistakes.

Fear Inventory

Type 1s fear being wrong, bad, or corrupt. This fear drives their perfectionism and their relentless inner critic, which tells them they must always do better. They must face the deep-seated fear that they are inherently flawed and that their worth depends on their ability to achieve moral perfection.

Fear Launch Questions:

How does my fear of being wrong or imperfect affect my actions and decisions?
Where do I feel the need to correct others, and how does this impact my relationships?
How does my fear of failure show up in my work, family, or recovery?
Where do I use perfectionism as a way to feel in control or to avoid criticism?

Create your own Fear Form: Click here to download a blank Fear Form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Fear Form below.

Example Fear Form

Fear	What I Do In Response	How What I Do Makes Me Feel	How What I Do Affects Others	What Would GOD Have Me Be
Fear of being wrong	I overanalyze, criticize myself and others, and become argumentative.	I feel anxious, tense, and self-righteous.	Others feel judged, criticized, and defensive.	Trusting that I can learn from mistakes without shame.
Fear of failure	I overwork, become perfectionistic, and avoid risks.	I feel stressed, burned out, and resentful.	Others feel pressured, controlled, and inadequate.	Letting go and trusting that failure is part of growth.
Fear of losing control	I micromanage, become rigid, and suppress emotions.	I feel overwhelmed, tense, and resentful.	Others feel stifled, undermined, and distrusted.	Trusting that God is in control, not me.
Fear of being judged	I avoid vulnerability, seek approval, and become defensive.	I feel hurt, anxious, and misunderstood.	Others feel disconnected, frustrated, and unable to connect.	Open and accepting of feedback.
Fear of imperfection	I become rigid, self-critical, and set unattainable standards.	I feel frustrated, resentful, and burdened.	Others feel they can’t live up to my standards, pressured, and controlled.	Embracing my humanity and imperfection.
Fear of being inadequate	I push myself too hard, overwork, and doubt my abilities.	I feel stressed, burned out, and inadequate.	Others feel pressured to perform, and pressured to meet my standards.	Confident in my inherent worth and enoughness.
Fear of chaos	I create rigid rules, become controlling, and avoid spontaneity.	I feel overwhelmed, tense, and rigid.	Others feel stifled, controlled, and unable to be themselves.	Trusting in God’s plan even in uncertainty.
Fear of being irrelevant	I constantly improve, become overly driven, and criticize others.	I feel trapped, pressured, and unfulfilled.	Others feel pressured, “fixed”, and inadequate.	Secure in my value, even without constant achievement.
Fear of moral failure	I become overly responsible, judgmental, and suppress emotions.	I feel burdened, righteous, and isolated.	Others feel judged, pressured, and alienated.	Trusting that I can live with integrity without fear.

Harm Inventory

Type 1s need to recognize how their quest for perfection can sometimes harm others. Their drive to “fix” situations or people often results in criticism, rigidity, or overstepping boundaries.

Harm Launch Questions:

In what ways have I hurt others by holding them to my high standards?
Where have I neglected relationships because I was focused on achieving perfection?
How has my need for control caused tension or harm in my relationships?
Where have I failed to offer grace or acceptance to myself or others?

Create your own Harm Form: Click here to download a blank Harm Form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Harm Form below.

Example Harm Form

Who I Harmed	What I Did	How I Harmed Them (or Myself)	What I Should Have Done Instead
My spouse	Criticized them for not doing things “the right way.”	Made them feel inadequate and distant from me.	Appreciated their efforts and communicated kindly.
My child	Pushed them to achieve perfection in school or activities.	Made them feel pressured and disconnected.	Encouraged them without imposing my expectations.
A friend	Judged their decisions because I felt they weren’t “right.”	Damaged trust and strained the relationship.	Accepted their choices and supported them.
My parent	Held them to unrealistic moral or behavioral standards.	Created tension and emotional distance.	Offered grace and understanding.
A co-worker	Criticized their work for not meeting my standards.	Made them feel unappreciated and unmotivated.	Collaborated with patience and encouragement.
Myself	Overworked myself trying to achieve perfection.	Led to burnout, stress, and emotional eating.	Allowed myself to rest and accept imperfections.
My sibling	Judged their life choices instead of supporting them.	Created distance and hurt feelings.	Respected their autonomy and offered love.
My recovery group	Pushed others to follow the program perfectly.	Made them feel judged and unsupported.	Encouraged progress, not perfection.
My community	Focused on fixing problems instead of connecting with people.	Missed opportunities to build meaningful relationships.	Balanced efforts to improve with genuine connection.

Congratulations on Competing Step 4!

Summary:

For an Enneagram Type 1, working Step 4 helps uncover how their pursuit of perfection and fear of making mistakes influence much of their behavior. This step brings awareness to the rigid expectations they place on themselves and others, as well as the ways they use control and criticism as coping mechanisms.

In Step 5, you will work with your sponsor (or another trusted person) to reflect on your resentment, fear, and harms done inventories. Together, you will identify the exact nature of your wrongs, focusing on how your perfectionism, judgment, and self-criticism have impacted your relationships and well-being. This process will help you gain deeper insight into your patterns and character defenses, as well as how they harm you and those around you.

By continuing to work Step 5 and beyond, you will move toward self-compassion, acceptance, and greater balance in your life. You’ll learn to embrace your imperfections and let go of the need to control, trusting that your Higher Power will guide you on this journey. Now, let’s move on to Step 5.