STEP 6: “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”
For Enneagram Type 4, Step 6 is about preparing to release the attachment to emotional intensity, envy, and self-focused comparisons. Type 4s often rely on these patterns to make sense of their feelings and create a unique identity. In this step, they examine how these defenses impact their lives, reflect on their origins, and become willing to let them go. This requires trust in a Higher Power, self-compassion, and a commitment to embracing balance and connection.
Understanding and Preparing for Step 6
- Read the entire directions for Step 6, this whole webpage.
- Understand the Purpose of Step 6:
This step is not about removing your defenses yourself—it’s about becoming willing to let God remove them. It’s okay to feel resistance; willingness grows as you observe and reflect on how these defenses affect your life.
Ego defense mechanisms are unconscious psychological strategies used by the ego to protect itself from overwhelming emotions, to maintain psychological balance. These mechanisms help individuals cope with stress, anxiety, trauma, and conflict, playing a crucial role in maintaining mental health.
- Trust the Process: Remember, just as you couldn’t overcome food addiction without God’s help, you cannot eliminate these defenses alone. Step 6 prepares your heart and mind for working step 7 where you will invite God to work in you.
- Print as many copies of the Step 6 Forms as needed:
- Defense Analysis Form: Write how each defense helps you, what it costs you, and how your life could improve without it.
- Readiness Assessment Form: Identify the actions needed (opposite behaviors) to let go of each defense and becoming willing to take those actions.
Completing your Defense Analysis
- Review each of the defenses you listed in your Step 5 Defense Inventory. List each of them in the leftmost column of the Defense Analysis form. You can always add more defenses as needed.
- For Each Defense: answer each question in the Defense Analysis form.
- How does your Ego think it helps you? (How has this served you in the past?)
- What does it cost you? (Look at the harms columns in your Step 5 Defense Inventory.)
- What do you fear about letting it go?
- How will you benefit from letting it go? (What life looks like without this defense.)
Example Defense Analysis – Type 4
| Character Defense | How does your Ego think it helps you? | What does it cost you? | What do you fear about letting it go? | How will you benefit from letting go? |
| Envy | Drives self-improvement by highlighting what others have. | I feel inadequate and discontent. Others feel unseen or compared unfairly. | Fear of losing motivation or becoming complacent. | Experience contentment and appreciation for personal achievements. |
| Self-pity | Provides a way to process and express emotional pain. | I feel stuck and powerless. Others feel overwhelmed or distanced by my pain. | Fear of invalidating personal experiences or emotions. | Develop resilience and a more balanced emotional perspective. |
| Emotional intensity | Enhances creativity and deepens personal experiences. | I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Others feel unsure how to respond or support me. | Fear of losing depth in relationships and self-expression. | Achieve emotional balance and reduce overwhelm. |
| Withdrawal | Offers protection from potential rejection or misunderstanding. | I feel lonely and misunderstood. Others feel shut out or confused by my distance. | Fear of vulnerability and being hurt by others. | Build meaningful connections and receive support. |
| Idealism | Sets high standards and aspirations for self and others. | I feel disappointed and disillusioned. Others feel criticized or not good enough. | Fear of settling for mediocrity or being disappointed. | Embrace reality and appreciate imperfections. |
| Over-identifying with feelings | Provides a strong sense of identity and authenticity. | I feel trapped in my emotions. Others feel like they have to tiptoe around me. | Fear of losing touch with true self or being inauthentic. | Gain perspective and prevent emotional overwhelm. |
| Self-absorption | Allows deep introspection and understanding of personal needs. | I feel isolated and disconnected. Others feel ignored or secondary. | Fear of neglecting self-awareness or personal growth. | Enhance empathy and strengthen relationships. |
| Longing for what’s missing | Motivates pursuit of goals and personal fulfillment. | I feel dissatisfied and restless. Others feel I don’t appreciate what I have. | Fear of complacency or missing out on better opportunities. | Find satisfaction in the present and reduce dissatisfaction. |
| Fear of rejection | Encourages caution in relationships to avoid emotional pain. | I feel anxious and guarded. Others feel pushed away or distrusted. | Fear of being hurt or deemed unworthy. | Build confidence and foster open, trusting relationships. |
Completing your Readiness Assessment
- In Column 1, list the same defenses from the Defense Analysis form(s) that you just completed.
- For each defense, fill in the Opposite Behavior and Willingness columns.
- Opposite Behavior: What opposite behavior can you take to begin to let go of this defense?
- Check your willingness to live without it:
- Ask yourself, am I really willing to live without this character defense and what it does for me?
- Determine if there are any steps you can take to increase your willingness.
- Rate your readiness to let this defense go, from 1 (not ready) to 5 (entirely ready). Put your answer in the table.
Example Readiness Assessment – Type 4
| Character Defense | Opposite Behavior | Willingness (1–5) |
| Envy | Celebrate what I have and acknowledge that my worth is not defined by comparisons. | 3 |
| Self-pity | Acknowledge my struggles while also recognizing my resilience and capacity for growth. | 2 |
| Emotional intensity | Express emotions authentically while maintaining stability and perspective. | 4 |
| Withdrawal | Stay engaged with others and allow myself to be seen and supported. | 3 |
| Idealism | Appreciate things as they are while continuing to strive for growth. | 3 |
| Over-identifying with feelings | Observe emotions without being consumed by them, maintaining clarity and choice. | 2 |
| Self-absorption | Turn my attention outward and engage meaningfully with others without losing myself. | 3 |
| Longing for what’s missing | Find joy in the present while still honoring future hopes and dreams. | 4 |
| Fear of rejection | Trust that I am worthy of love and connection, even in the face of rejection. | 3 |
Seek Support and Guidance
- Share your table with your sponsor or kind observer to explore how emotional intensity, longing for uniqueness, and fear of being ordinary have shaped your experience. Discuss how these defenses have influenced your relationships and self-perception.
- Engage in journaling, meditation, or prayer to reflect on how your tendency to dwell in emotions or see yourself as fundamentally different has affected your emotional well-being. Ask your Higher Power to help you embrace the truth that you are already whole and worthy as you are.
- Listen to Surrender School’s Step 6 Meditation.
- Develop affirmations such as: *”I am enough just as I am,”* or *”My worth is not defined by my emotions, uniqueness, or struggles.”* Use these to replace feelings of inadequacy with self-acceptance.
- Check out Surrender School’s meditations, office hours, and other offerings to find support in embracing authenticity and emotional balance.
Summary:
Remember to practice self-compassion and acknowledge that change is challenging. Be kind to yourself as you work through your fears and anxieties. For Type 4s, working Step 6 involves recognizing and becoming willing to release defects related to emotional intensity, envy, and self-focus. This step requires Type 4s to reflect on the impact of these patterns, assess their readiness for change, and seek support. By cultivating trust in the recovery process and practicing self-compassion, Type 4s can work toward greater balance and connection in their lives.