STEP 6: “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”
For Enneagram Type 9, Step 6 is about preparing to release the tendencies toward avoidance, passivity, and going along to get along that often define their relationships and behaviors. Type 9s frequently use these strategies to maintain peace and avoid conflict, sometimes neglecting their own needs or desires. In this step, they examine these patterns, understand their impact, and become willing to let them go. This requires self-awareness, trust in a Higher Power, and courage to embrace their own voice and take action.
Understanding and Preparing for Step 6
- Read the entire directions for Step 6, this whole webpage.
- Understand the Purpose of Step 6:
This step is not about removing your defenses yourself—it’s about becoming willing to let God remove them. It’s okay to feel resistance; willingness grows as you observe and reflect on how these defenses affect your life.
Ego defense mechanisms are unconscious psychological strategies used by the ego to protect itself from overwhelming emotions, to maintain psychological balance. These mechanisms help individuals cope with stress, anxiety, trauma, and conflict, playing a crucial role in maintaining mental health.
- Trust the Process: Remember, just as you couldn’t overcome food addiction without God’s help, you cannot eliminate these defenses alone. Step 6 prepares your heart and mind for working step 7 where you will invite God to work in you.
- Print as many copies of the Step 6 Forms as needed:
- Defense Analysis Form: Write how each defense helps you, what it costs you, and how your life could improve without it.
- Readiness Assessment Form: Identify the actions needed (opposite behaviors) to let go of each defense and becoming willing to take those actions.
Completing your Defense Analysis
- Review each of the defenses you listed in your Step 5 Defense Inventory. List each of them in the leftmost column of the Defense Analysis form. You can always add more defenses as needed.
- For Each Defense: answer each question in the Defense Analysis form.
- How does your Ego think it helps you? (How has this served you in the past?)
- What does it cost you? (Look at the harms columns in your Step 5 Defense Inventory.)
- What do you fear about letting it go?
- How will you benefit from letting it go? (What life looks like without this defense.)
Example Defense Analysis – Type 9
| Character Defense | How does your Ego think it helps you? | What does it cost you? | What do you fear about letting it go? | How will you benefit from letting go? |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Avoiding Conflict | Maintains harmony and prevents confrontations. | I feel disconnected and suppress resentment. Others feel frustrated or unaware of my needs. | Fear of creating tension or being disliked. | Develop authentic relationships and address issues proactively. |
| People-Pleasing | Ensures acceptance and avoids disapproval. | I feel unimportant and lose touch with my own needs. Others may unknowingly take advantage of me. | Belief that asserting my own needs will disrupt harmony. | Establish personal boundaries and self-respect. |
| Procrastination | Avoids immediate discomfort or difficult tasks. | I feel stuck and overwhelmed by unresolved issues. Others feel burdened by my lack of engagement. | Desire to maintain comfort and avoid stress. | Increase productivity and reduce anxiety from pending tasks. |
| Passivity | Prevents taking actions that might lead to conflict. | I feel powerless and out of control. Others feel unsupported and confused about my intentions. | Fear of making wrong decisions or causing disruptions. | Gain control over life choices and outcomes. |
| Denial | Protects from facing unpleasant realities. | I feel anxious and avoidant, unable to grow. Others feel frustrated by my lack of awareness or action. | Unwillingness to confront issues that may cause discomfort. | Achieve personal growth and resolve underlying problems. |
| Over-Accommodating | Keeps relationships smooth by prioritizing others. | I feel unseen and undervalued. Others rely too much on me without considering my needs. | Belief that self-sacrifice is necessary for harmony. | Foster mutual respect and ensure personal needs are met. |
| Self Erasure | It helps maintain peace and connection, avoids conflict and creates a sense of belonging. | I feel invisible, disconnected from my true self, unsure of my own needs/desires. Others don’t get to know the real me. | I fear conflict, If I assert myself I will create disconnection or discomfort for others. | Develop a stronger, more grounded sense of self and have the confidence to act on what truly matters to me. |
| Disengagement | Avoids emotional overload by withdrawing. | I feel disconnected and lonely. Others feel unsupported or shut out. | Desire to remain unaffected by external pressures. | Enhance emotional resilience and active participation in life. |
| Complacency | Maintains a sense of peace by accepting things as they are. | I feel stuck and unmotivated. Others feel let down by my lack of initiative. | Resistance to change and fear of uncertainty. | Embrace growth opportunities and proactive change. |
Completing your Readiness Assessment
- In Column 1, list the same defenses from the Defense Analysis form(s) that you just completed.
- For each defense, fill in the Opposite Behavior and Willingness columns.
- Opposite Behavior: What opposite behavior can you take to begin to let go of this defense?
- Check your willingness to live without it:
- Ask yourself, am I really willing to live without this character defense and what it does for me?
- Determine if there are any steps you can take to increase your willingness.
- Rate your readiness to let this defense go, from 1 (not ready) to 5 (entirely ready). Put your answer in the table.
Example Readiness Assessment – Type 9
| Character Defense | Opposite Behavior | Willingness (1–5) |
|---|---|---|
| Avoiding Conflict | I can address conflicts directly and honestly, knowing that resolution strengthens my relationships. | 3 |
| People-Pleasing | I can express my needs confidently, trusting that my worth is not dependent on pleasing others. | 2 |
| Procrastination | I can take action in the present moment, knowing that progress brings ease and confidence. | 3 |
| Passivity | I can actively make decisions, trusting that my voice and choices matter. | 2 |
| Denial | I can acknowledge reality as it is, knowing that awareness leads to real solutions. | 3 |
| Over-Accommodating | I can balance kindness with self-respect, ensuring my needs are valued as much as others’. | 5 |
| Self Erasure | I can be my true self and share my true desires, knowing that real relationships thrive on authenticity. | 3 |
| Disengagement | I can stay engaged and present, trusting that my participation brings fulfillment. | 2 |
| Complacency | I can embrace change as a path to personal growth and deeper fulfillment. | 3 |
Seek Support and Guidance
- Share your table with your sponsor or kind observer to explore how avoidance, passivity, and fear of conflict have shaped your experience. Discuss how these defenses have influenced your relationships, personal growth, and ability to take action.
- Engage in journaling, meditation, or prayer to reflect on how your tendency to avoid discomfort and maintain peace at all costs has affected your emotional well-being. Ask your Higher Power to help you embrace assertiveness, self-expression, and inner strength.
- Listen to Surrender School’s Step 6 Meditation.
- Develop affirmations such as: “My presence and voice matter,” or “Taking action brings me peace and fulfillment.” Use these to replace avoidance with engagement.
- Check out Surrender School’s meditations, office hours, and other offerings to find support in stepping into your power and embracing your true self.
Summary:
Remember to practice self-compassion and acknowledge that change is challenging. Be kind to yourself as you work through your fears and anxieties. For Type 9s, working Step 6 involves recognizing and becoming willing to release defenses related to their tendencies toward avoidance and passivity. This step requires Type 9s to reflect on the impact of these patterns, assess their readiness for change, and seek support. By cultivating trust in the recovery process and practicing self-compassion, Type 9s can work towards overcoming their avoidance patterns and embracing a more active and engaged approach to their recovery journey.