STEP 6: “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”
For Enneagram Type 8, Step 6 is about preparing to release the need for control, intensity, and self-reliance that often define their approach to life and relationships. Type 8s often use these defenses to feel powerful and protect themselves from vulnerability, sometimes leading to conflict or disconnection. In this step, they examine these patterns, understand their impact, and become willing to let them go. This requires self-awareness, trust in a Higher Power, and courage to embrace vulnerability and interdependence.
Understanding and Preparing for Step 6
- Read the entire directions for Step 6, this whole webpage.
- Understand the Purpose of Step 6:
This step is not about removing your defenses yourself—it’s about becoming willing to let God remove them. It’s okay to feel resistance; willingness grows as you observe and reflect on how these defenses affect your life.
Ego defense mechanisms are unconscious psychological strategies used by the ego to protect itself from overwhelming emotions, to maintain psychological balance. These mechanisms help individuals cope with stress, anxiety, trauma, and conflict, playing a crucial role in maintaining mental health.
- Trust the Process: Remember, just as you couldn’t overcome food addiction without God’s help, you cannot eliminate these defenses alone. Step 6 prepares your heart and mind for working step 7 where you will invite God to work in you.
- Print as many copies of the Step 6 Forms as needed:
- Defense Analysis Form: Write how each defense helps you, what it costs you, and how your life could improve without it.
- Readiness Assessment Form: Identify the actions needed (opposite behaviors) to let go of each defense and becoming willing to take those actions.
Completing your Defense Analysis
- Review each of the defenses you listed in your Step 5 Defense Inventory. List each of them in the leftmost column of the Defense Analysis form. You can always add more defenses as needed.
- For Each Defense: answer each question in the Defense Analysis form.
- How does your Ego think it helps you? (How has this served you in the past?)
- What does it cost you? (Look at the harms columns in your Step 5 Defense Inventory.)
- What do you fear about letting it go?
- How will you benefit from letting it go? (What life looks like without this defense.)
Example Defense Analysis – Type 8
| Character Defense | How does your Ego think it helps you? |
What does it cost you? | What do you fear about letting it go? | How will you benefit from letting go? |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Control | Makes me feel safe and in charge. | I feel exhausted and disconnected from others. Others feel stifled and resentful of my behavior. | Fear of being vulnerable or taken advantage of. | Builds trust and deeper connections with others. |
| Intensity | Helps me feel alive and important. | I feel overwhelmed and reactive. Others feel intimidated or drained by my energy. | Fear of being seen as weak or unimportant. | Creates space for calm, balance, and reflection. |
| Self-Reliance | Prevents me from being hurt or disappointed by others. | I feel isolated and burdened. Others feel shut out or unneeded. | Fear of needing others and being let down. | Encourages collaboration and interdependence. |
| Anger | Provides energy and a sense of power. | I feel stressed and regret my outbursts. Others feel hurt or frightened by my reactions. | Fear of feeling powerless or out of control. | Leads to healthier emotional regulation and relationships. |
| Defiance | Helps me feel strong and independent. | I feel alienated and misunderstood. Others feel dismissed or pushed away. | Fear of losing autonomy or being controlled. | Fosters cooperation and mutual respect. |
| Stubbornness | Prevents me from being pushed around. | I feel rigid and limited. Others feel frustrated and unheard. | Fear of appearing weak or wrong. | Encourages flexibility and open-mindedness. |
| Dominance | Establishes authority and control. | I feel disconnected from collaboration. Others feel overpowered or silenced. | Fear of being overlooked or dismissed. | Improves collaboration and shared leadership. |
| Impatience | Keeps me moving forward and getting results. | I feel stressed and frustrated when things don’t go as planned. Others feel rushed or inadequate around me. | Fear of wasting time or being stuck. | Promotes patience and thoughtful decision-making. |
| Confrontation | Protects me from being taken advantage of. | I feel constantly on edge. Others feel unsafe or defensive around me. | Fear of appearing passive or weak. | Encourages peaceful conflict resolution and understanding. |
| Denial of Vulnerability | Prevents me from feeling exposed or hurt. | I feel disconnected from myself and emotionally drained. Others feel unable to connect with me. | Fear of being seen as weak or dependent. | Creates opportunities for deeper intimacy and connection. |
Completing your Defense Analysis
- Review each of the defenses you listed in your Step 5 Defense Inventory. List each of them in the leftmost column of the Defense Analysis form. You can always add more defenses as needed.
- For Each Defense: answer each question in the Defense Analysis form.
- How does your Ego think it helps you? (How has this served you in the past?)
- What does it cost you? (Look at the harms columns in your Step 5 Defense Inventory.)
- What do you fear about letting it go?
- How will you benefit from letting it go? (What life looks like without this defense.)
Example Defense Readiness Assessment – Type 8
| Character Defense | Opposite Behavior | Willingness (1-5) |
|---|---|---|
| Control | I can allow others to take the lead, knowing that trust and collaboration create stronger relationships. | 4 |
| Intensity | I can embrace stillness and subtlety, knowing that my worth is not tied to my intensity. | 2 |
| Self-Reliance | I can rely on others, knowing that healthy relationships require both giving and receiving support. | 3 |
| Anger | I can express my emotions calmly and assertively, without relying on anger as a source of strength. | 2 |
| Defiance | I can work with others instead of against them, trusting that true strength includes collaboration. | 5 |
| Stubbornness | I can remain open to new perspectives, recognizing that change does not equate to weakness. | 3 |
| Dominance | I can lead with influence rather than force, recognizing that true leadership includes listening. | 1 |
| Impatience | I can slow down and trust that things unfold at the right time, without needing to rush. | 3 |
| Confrontation | I can approach conflict with curiosity and openness rather than force. | 3 |
| Denial of Vulnerability | I can allow myself to be open and emotionally available, trusting that vulnerability is strength. | 2 |
Seek Support and Guidance
- Share your table with your sponsor or kind observer to explore how control, resistance to vulnerability, and the fear of being weak have shaped your experience. Discuss how these defenses have influenced your relationships and ability to trust others.
- Engage in journaling, meditation, or prayer to reflect on how your tendency to assert dominance and suppress vulnerability has affected your emotional well-being. Ask your Higher Power to help you embrace strength through openness rather than force.
- Listen to Surrender School’s Step 6 Meditation.
- Develop affirmations such as: *”I am safe when I allow others to support me,”* or *”True power comes from balance, not control.”* Use these to replace resistance with trust.
- Check out Surrender School’s meditations, office hours, and other offerings to find support in developing emotional balance and deeper connections.
Summary:
Remember to practice self-compassion and acknowledge that change is challenging. Be kind to yourself as you work through your fears and anxieties. For Type 8s, working Step 6 involves recognizing and becoming willing to release defenses related to their need for control, intensity, and self-reliance. This step requires Type 8s to reflect on the impact of these patterns, assess their readiness for change, and seek support. By cultivating trust in the recovery process and practicing self-compassion, Type 8s can work towards overcoming these defenses and embracing a more balanced, interdependent approach to their recovery journey.