Enneagram Type 9: Step 4 – Surrender School

Enneagram Type 9 Inventory for Step 4

Enneagram Type 9: The Peacemaker
Core Fear: Conflict, disconnection, loss of harmony
Core Desire: Inner peace and harmony
Core Weakness: Sloth (avoidance and inertia)
Core Longing: “Your presence matters.”

1. Resentment Inventory

For Type 9s, resentment often stems from feeling ignored, undervalued, or overlooked. They may harbor feelings of frustration when their needs are not acknowledged or when they perceive that they are being pushed to confront conflicts they would rather avoid. Their tendency to avoid conflicts and merge with others can lead to unspoken resentments.

Questions to ask:

Who do I resent for not acknowledging or valuing my needs and desires?
What situations make me feel overlooked or dismissed, leading to resentment?
How do I react when I feel pressured to confront conflicts or make decisions?
How does my desire for peace and harmony contribute to my feelings of resentment?
Where do I feel that my voice or opinions have been disregarded or invalidated?
Who do I resent for imposing their will or preferences on me without considering my own?
How have I avoided addressing issues that lead to passive-aggressive feelings?
Where do I feel taken for granted or neglected in relationships?
How does my tendency to merge with others lead to unspoken frustrations?

Resentment Inventory Table

Person I Resent	The Cause of My Resentment	How It Affects Me	My Part in It
My partner	They make decisions without consulting me.	I feel ignored, disrespected, and unimportant.	I avoid discussing my needs and let decisions be made without my input.
My friend	They always choose activities that don’t consider my preferences.	I feel left out, unvalued, and disconnected from them.	I go along with their choices instead of expressing my own desires.
My family	They don’t take my opinions seriously during family decisions.	I feel neglected, frustrated, and marginalized.	I don’t assert my opinions or engage in decision-making processes.
My coworker	They take credit for my ideas and contributions.	I feel unappreciated, resentful, and disconnected from the team.	I avoid confronting the issue and let my frustrations build up.
My neighbor	They frequently disturb my sense of peace and quiet.	I feel irritated, disrespected, and agitated.	I avoid addressing the disturbances directly.
A community leader	They impose decisions without considering my input.	I feel frustrated, excluded, and unimportant.	I remain passive and don’t voice my concerns.
A service provider	They frequently fail to meet my needs or expectations.	I feel overlooked, frustrated, and taken advantage of.	I don’t communicate my dissatisfaction or address the issues directly.
A partner in a group project	They disregard my suggestions and push their own agenda.	I feel dismissed, unvalued, and unmotivated.	I don’t stand up for my ideas or engage in discussions.
Myself	I avoid addressing conflicts and putting my needs first.	I feel unfulfilled, disconnected, and resentful towards myself.	I avoid facing my own desires and needs, leading to passive aggression.

2. Fear Inventory

For Type 9s, fear often revolves around conflict and disconnection. They may fear that addressing conflicts or asserting their needs will lead to discord or loss of harmony, which can cause them to avoid necessary confrontations and suppress their true feelings.

Questions to ask:

What am I most afraid of when it comes to addressing conflicts or disagreements?
How does my fear of conflict affect my relationships and decision-making?
Where do I fear losing harmony or causing disharmony if I speak up or assert myself?
How does my fear of disconnection influence my willingness to engage in difficult conversations?
How do I avoid dealing with situations that might lead to confrontation or discomfort?
Where do I feel overwhelmed by the thought of asserting my needs or preferences?
How does my fear of causing conflict lead me to suppress my true feelings or desires?
When do I avoid taking action or making decisions to prevent potential conflict?
How does my fear of rejection or disapproval affect my interactions with others?

Fear Inventory Table

Fear	How It Shows Up in My Life	How It Affects Me	My Part in It
Fear of conflict	I avoid discussing issues or disagreements.	I feel passive, disconnected, and my issues remain unresolved.	I suppress my feelings and avoid addressing conflicts.
Fear of disconnection	I go along with others’ wishes to maintain harmony.	I feel unfulfilled and resentful, while my needs remain unmet.	I prioritize others’ needs over my own, avoiding confrontation.
Fear of rejection	I don’t assert my opinions or desires to avoid disapproval.	I feel ignored and disconnected, leading to self-doubt.	I avoid expressing my true self and fears.
Fear of losing harmony	I avoid making decisions or expressing disagreements.	I feel passive and unable to influence outcomes.	I let others dictate the terms to prevent disruption.
Fear of being overwhelmed	I procrastinate on tasks or decisions that feel too challenging.	I feel stuck, unproductive, and stressed.	I avoid facing tasks that seem too demanding or conflict-ridden.
Fear of confrontation	I let issues build up rather than addressing them.	I experience passive-aggressive feelings and unresolved tensions.	I avoid direct confrontation, leading to pent-up frustrations.
Fear of assertiveness	I struggle to voice my needs and desires.	I feel unimportant and taken for granted.	I hesitate to speak up or assert myself in situations.
Fear of change	I resist making changes or taking new actions.	I feel stagnant and resistant to growth.	I avoid stepping out of my comfort zone to keep things stable.
Fear of making waves	I hold back from sharing my opinions to avoid disturbing others.	I feel unfulfilled and disconnected from my own values.	I prioritize peace over personal authenticity and assertiveness.

3. Harm Done Inventory

For Type 9s, acknowledging the harm done involves recognizing how their avoidance and passivity may have negatively impacted others. This includes understanding how their desire for peace may have led to neglecting important issues or failing to address conflicts effectively.

Questions to ask:

Where have I avoided addressing important issues, causing harm to others?
How has my passivity or reluctance to assert myself negatively affected relationships?
When have I failed to communicate my needs or feelings, leading to misunderstandings or resentment?
How have I let issues fester by not confronting them directly, impacting others’ lives?
Where have I ignored others’ needs or feelings to maintain my own sense of peace?
How have I been passive or disengaged in situations where my involvement was crucial?
When have I failed to take responsibility for my own part in conflicts or issues?
How has my tendency to avoid discomfort led to harm or neglect in my relationships?
Where have I been complacent or indifferent, causing frustration or harm to others?

Harm Done Inventory Table

Person I Harmed	What I Did	How It Affected Them	My Part in It
My partner	I avoided discussing our issues and didn’t address their concerns.	They felt neglected, unheard, and frustrated with our relationship.	I avoided conflict and didn’t engage in necessary conversations.
My friend	I didn’t express my true feelings when I felt hurt or excluded.	They felt confused about my behavior and disconnected from me.	I suppressed my feelings and didn’t communicate openly.
My family	I avoided family disagreements and didn’t take a stand on important issues.	They felt that I was disengaged and didn’t contribute to resolving conflicts.	I avoided confronting family issues to keep the peace.
My coworker	I failed to speak up about work problems or challenges.	They felt unsupported and frustrated by the lack of communication.	I didn’t address issues directly and avoided conflict.
My neighbor	I ignored problems with our shared responsibilities, leading to tension.	They felt frustrated and burdened by the lack of collaboration.	I avoided discussing issues and didn’t address their concerns.
A community group	I didn’t participate fully or express my views, leading to missed opportunities.	They felt my lack of engagement and contribution negatively impacted the group.	I remained passive and didn’t take an active role.
A service provider	I failed to communicate my dissatisfaction or needs clearly.	They felt confused and unable to meet my expectations.	I avoided addressing problems directly and didn’t express my needs.
A partner in a group project	I let others take charge and didn’t contribute or express my opinions.	They felt frustrated by my lack of involvement and input.	I stayed passive and didn’t assert my ideas or participate actively.
Myself	I avoided dealing with my own emotional needs and desires.	I felt unfulfilled and disconnected from my true self.	I neglected my own needs and avoided addressing my inner conflicts.

Summary

For Type 9s, working Step 4 involves a comprehensive examination of how their avoidance of conflict and desire for peace has impacted their relationships and sense of self. By delving into their resentments, fears, and the harm they’ve caused, Type 9s can begin to understand how their passivity and conflict avoidance affect their lives and those around them. This process helps Type 9s take responsibility for their actions, confront their avoidance patterns, and work towards more active and engaged participation in their relationships and personal growth.