Questions to ask:

• In what ways do I feel resentful when others don’t recognize or appreciate my help?
• Where do I offer help or support, expecting something in return?
• How do I create situations where others rely on me, but then feel resentful for doing so?
• Do I overextend myself to avoid feeling useless, then blame others for not reciprocating?
• How do I expect others to meet my emotional needs, even when I don’t voice them?

Resentment Inventory Table (Expanded with examples)

Who/What I Resent	Why I Resent Them	How It Affects Me (Self-Esteem, Pride, Relationships)	My Part in It
My spouse	They don’t notice or thank me for everything I do around the house.	I feel invisible and unloved, which affects my self-worth.	I never ask for help, expecting them to notice on their own.
My boss	They don’t recognize my contributions at work.	I feel undervalued and taken advantage of.	I volunteer for extra tasks, expecting recognition without communicating my limits.
A close friend	They never initiate contact, leaving me to do all the work.	It makes me feel like they don’t care about me.	I over-give in the relationship, making myself too available.
My parent	They criticize me despite all I do to help them.	It makes me feel like I’m never good enough.	I keep seeking their approval instead of accepting that they may never give it.
A recovery group member	They don’t take my advice or accept my help.	It makes me feel useless and unneeded.	I give unsolicited advice and expect to be appreciated for it.
My child	They don’t express gratitude for my constant care and attention.	I feel drained and unappreciated.	I haven’t set boundaries, expecting them to validate me.
A sibling	They expect me to handle family issues without offering help.	It creates resentment and makes me feel like I’m the only responsible one.	I assume too much responsibility without asking for help.
A co-worker	They take credit for work I helped with.	I feel taken advantage of and overlooked.	I offer my help but don’t clarify my role or ask for recognition.
A recovery sponsor	They don’t acknowledge how much I support them emotionally.	I feel unimportant and overlooked.	I offer too much of myself without being asked, and expect their gratitude.

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2. Fear Inventory

Type 2s fear being unloved, unneeded, or abandoned. This fear drives them to act in ways that cause over-giving, manipulation, or denial of their own needs. They must face the deep-seated fear of worthlessness.

Questions to ask:

• How does my fear of being unloved affect my actions in relationships?
• Where am I afraid to assert my own needs for fear of rejection?
• Do I give to others because I’m afraid they won’t need me anymore if I don’t?
• Where does my fear of loneliness show up, and how does it affect my eating habits?
• In what situations do I overextend myself out of fear of being unnecessary?

Fear Inventory Table (Expanded with examples)

Fear	Why I Have It	How It Affects Me	How My Will Keeps Me in Fear
Fear of being unloved	I believe I’m only worthy of love when I’m helping others.	I constantly overextend myself to prove my worth.	I stay in relationships where I’m needed but not truly loved.
Fear of rejection	I’m afraid others won’t accept me if I ask for what I need.	I suppress my needs and use food to comfort myself.	I give too much, hoping to avoid rejection, instead of expressing my feelings.
Fear of abandonment	I worry that people will leave me if I stop being helpful.	I become clingy and anxious, leading to emotional overeating.	I don’t set boundaries, allowing others to take advantage of me to avoid being alone.
Fear of failure	I’m afraid of failing to be the perfect caregiver or friend.	I put pressure on myself, leading to stress and overeating.	I take on too much responsibility in relationships, expecting perfection.
Fear of being unnecessary	I worry that if I’m not constantly giving, I won’t be needed anymore.	I feel insecure and use food to fill the emotional void.	I don’t trust that I’m valuable just for being me, not just for what I do.
Fear of conflict	I fear that expressing my needs will cause conflict and push others away.	I avoid confrontation, leading to pent-up resentment and overeating.	I avoid difficult conversations, letting the tension build instead of releasing it.
Fear of being criticized	I fear that if I don’t meet others’ needs, I’ll be criticized.	I become hypersensitive to feedback and use food to soothe myself.	I try to be everything to everyone to avoid any negative judgments.
Fear of loneliness	I’m afraid that without my role as the helper, I’ll be alone.	I feel isolated, leading to emotional overeating for comfort.	I avoid confronting my loneliness and keep busy with others’ problems.
Fear of losing control	I’m afraid of losing control over how others perceive me.	I micromanage relationships and use food to manage anxiety.	I focus too much on how others see me instead of being authentic.

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3. Harm to Others Inventory

Type 2s need to recognize how their well-intentioned acts of helping can sometimes harm others. Their desire to be indispensable often results in controlling behavior or enabling dependency.

Questions to ask:

• In what ways have I enabled others by doing too much for them?
• Where have I over-given, expecting love or gratitude in return?
• How has my need to be helpful caused me to manipulate others?
• In what ways have I ignored my own needs, leading to resentment and harm?
• Where have I neglected to set healthy boundaries, causing emotional harm to myself or others?

Harms to Others Table (Expanded with examples)

Who I Harmed	What I Did	How I Harmed Them (or Myself)	What I Should Have Done Instead
My spouse	Overextended myself to meet their needs without expressing my own.	Made them feel guilty and distanced; neglected my self-care.	I should have communicated my needs and set boundaries.
My child	Did too much for them, making them dependent on me.	Enabled their lack of independence, causing resentment on both sides.	I should have allowed them to take responsibility and experience consequences.
A close friend	Tried to “fix” all their problems without being asked.	Made them feel overwhelmed and pushed them away emotionally.	I should have waited to be asked and respected their autonomy.
My parent	Gave too much in hopes of earning their approval.	Reinforced unhealthy dynamics, harming my self-esteem.	I should have accepted that their approval isn’t necessary for my worth.
A recovery group member	Pushed advice and emotional support on them when they didn’t ask.	Created dependency and resentment, harming the relationship.	I should have allowed them to come to me for help if and when needed.
My sibling	Took over family responsibilities without asking for help.	Built resentment, feeling unsupported and drained.	I should have asked for help and shared the responsibilities equally.
A co-worker	Took on too much work to prove my value, then resented them.	Created a one-sided dynamic where I felt overburdened and unappreciated.	I should have set boundaries around my work and communicated my needs.
My friend	Over-gave emotionally, expecting love and validation in return.	Made the relationship feel one-sided, leading to burnout.	I should have maintained balance by giving less and expecting nothing in return.
Myself	Ignored my needs, overeating to cope with the stress of helping others.	Led to emotional and physical harm through neglect and overeating.	I should have prioritized self-care, setting limits on my time and energy.

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4. Defects of Character Inventory

For Type 2s, their core defects of character revolve around pride (the belief that they don’t have needs), manipulation through giving, and a tendency to martyr themselves.

Questions to ask:

• In what ways do I act out of pride, believing I don’t need help?
• Where do I manipulate others by giving to get something in return?
• How does my need to be loved lead me to overextend myself and then feel resentful?
• In what areas do I avoid setting boundaries because I fear rejection or being unnecessary?
• Where do I deny my own needs, and how does that harm me and others?

Defects of Character Table (Expanded with examples)

Defect of Character	How It Shows Up in My Life	How It Harms Me	How It Harms Others
Pride	I refuse to ask for help, even when I need it.	It leads to burnout and resentment.	It keeps others from knowing the real me or offering support.
Manipulation	I give to others, expecting love or appreciation in return.	It leaves me feeling unfulfilled and unseen.	It makes others feel pressured or guilty.
Martyrdom	I overextend myself, then feel like a victim when no one helps.	It causes exhaustion and emotional eating.	It creates resentment in my relationships.
Denial of needs	I pretend I don’t have needs and focus on others.	It leaves me feeling empty and unworthy.	It makes others feel uncomfortable or unaware of my boundaries.
People-pleasing	I avoid saying no to maintain harmony.	It leads to feelings of being overwhelmed and unimportant.	It creates imbalanced relationships.
Avoiding conflict	I fear confronting others, so I avoid expressing my true feelings.	It leads to resentment and passive-aggressive behavior.	It keeps others from truly knowing my needs and preferences.
Over-responsibility	I take on too much, feeling responsible for everyone’s happiness.	It leads to emotional eating and resentment.	It makes others feel controlled or dependent.
Co-dependency	I become emotionally enmeshed with others, needing to fix their problems.	It creates unhealthy attachments and anxiety.	It makes others feel pressured to rely on me, stunting their growth.
Fear of rejection	I over-give to avoid being rejected or abandoned.	It leaves me feeling unseen and unworthy.	It creates a dynamic where others feel obligated rather than connected.

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Summary

For an Enneagram Type 2 working Step 4, the key is to uncover how their need to be loved and appreciated drives much of their behavior. By reflecting on resentments, fears, harms, and defects of character, they can gain insight into how they may manipulate others through giving, avoid setting boundaries, and deny their own needs. This inventory helps Type 2s confront these patterns and move toward healthier, more balanced relationships where they give without expecting anything in return, and learn to love themselves as they are, not just for what they do.