Enneagram Type 6: Step 9

Enneagram Type 6: Working Step 9 in Overeaters Anonymous

Step 9: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

For Enneagram Type 6s, “The Loyal Skeptic,” Step 9 is about addressing the fear-driven behaviors and anxieties that may have harmed others. Type 6s tend to seek security, loyalty, and support but can also become defensive, suspicious, and reactive when they feel unsafe or uncertain. Working Step 9 involves making amends for the ways their fear, mistrust, and anxiety have impacted relationships and contributed to overeating patterns.

Steps for Type 6s to Work Step 9:

1. Acknowledge How Your Fear and Anxiety Have Affected Others

Type 6s tend to operate from a place of fear and anxiety, which can lead to behaviors like controlling, questioning, or even lashing out at those they love in an attempt to maintain security. Reflect on how your fears have influenced your relationships and contributed to harm.

Questions to ask:

  • Have my fears or anxieties caused me to react defensively or unfairly toward others?
  • How have I projected my insecurities or mistrust onto others, causing strain in relationships?
  • Have I relied on others for reassurance or validation in a way that created tension or emotional burden?

Example:
You might recognize that you’ve frequently questioned a loved one’s loyalty or honesty, creating stress and distrust in the relationship.

2. Reflect on the Ways You’ve Projected Mistrust or Doubt

Type 6s often struggle with trusting others and may project their inner fears onto their relationships. This can manifest as suspicion, second-guessing, or assuming the worst. Making amends requires recognizing how this mistrust has impacted others and damaged relationships.

Questions to ask:

  • Have I questioned someone’s intentions or loyalty without just cause?
  • How has my tendency to overthink or worry caused others to feel unsupported or doubted?
  • Where have I projected my own fear of abandonment or betrayal onto others, leading to conflict?

Example:
You might remember times when you doubted a friend’s honesty or loyalty, even though they had done nothing wrong, and this caused a rift in your relationship.

3. Take Responsibility for Defensive and Reactive Behaviors

Type 6s, when feeling threatened or anxious, can become reactive or defensive. This might involve lashing out, withdrawing, or becoming overly controlling in an attempt to regain a sense of security. Step 9 invites you to acknowledge and make amends for these reactions.

Questions to ask:

  • Have I become defensive or controlling when feeling insecure, leading to hurt feelings or conflicts?
  • How have my reactive behaviors, such as withdrawing or arguing, affected my relationships?
  • In what ways have I acted out of fear, pushing others away rather than seeking understanding?

Example:
You may recall times when you lashed out at a partner or friend in an attempt to control the situation because you feared being let down, only to create more distance and pain in the relationship.

4. Make Amends for Relying Too Heavily on Others for Reassurance

Type 6s often lean on others for reassurance, seeking validation and guidance to soothe their anxiety. While this can create a sense of dependency, it can also place an emotional burden on those around them. In Step 9, it’s important to make amends for placing too much pressure on others to manage your anxiety.

Steps to take:

  • Identify the people who may have felt responsible for your emotional well-being and how this may have impacted them.
  • Approach them with an acknowledgment of your behavior and a commitment to taking responsibility for your own emotional needs.

Questions to ask:

  • How has my need for constant reassurance affected my relationships?
  • Have I made others feel like they are responsible for my emotional state, creating an imbalance in the relationship?
  • Am I willing to take more responsibility for managing my own anxiety moving forward?

Example:
You may recognize that you’ve leaned too heavily on a family member or friend for emotional reassurance, placing an undue burden on them to manage your fears and anxieties.

5. Approach Amends with Courage and Openness

For Type 6s, making amends can feel intimidating, especially when fear of conflict or rejection is involved. However, courage is at the heart of true amends. Step 9 calls on you to face your fears, approach others with openness, and be willing to repair relationships without knowing the outcome.

Steps to take:

  • Write a list of those you need to make amends to, acknowledging how your fear-driven behaviors have impacted each relationship.
  • Be willing to face potential discomfort or fear of rejection, knowing that making amends is a step toward healing and growth.

Questions to ask:

  • Am I willing to make amends even if I’m afraid of the other person’s reaction?
  • How can I approach amends with a spirit of openness, rather than defensiveness or fear?
  • In what ways can I let go of my need for control and trust the process of making amends?

Example:
When making amends, you might say, “I realize that my need for constant reassurance and my mistrust have caused strain in our relationship. I’m sorry for the times I’ve doubted your intentions, and I want to work on building trust moving forward.”

6. Make Amends for Times When You Avoided Conflict or Withdrew

Type 6s often avoid conflict or withdraw when they feel overwhelmed by fear or anxiety. This can leave unresolved issues in relationships and create a sense of emotional distance. In Step 9, it’s important to acknowledge where avoidance has caused harm and to make amends for any emotional withdrawal.

Steps to take:

  • Reflect on times when you avoided difficult conversations or withdrew from relationships out of fear.
  • Make amends by addressing unresolved issues and committing to more open communication moving forward.

Questions to ask:

  • Have I avoided conflict or difficult conversations, leaving unresolved issues in relationships?
  • In what ways has my emotional withdrawal affected my relationships, and how can I make amends for that?
  • How can I commit to more open, honest communication moving forward?

Example:
You might say, “I recognize that I’ve withdrawn or avoided addressing issues when things felt uncertain. I’m sorry for the emotional distance this caused, and I want to work on being more open and present in our relationship.”

7. Embrace Trust and Let Go of Control

Type 6s often try to control situations to create a sense of security, but this can lead to tension and conflict in relationships. Step 9 asks you to embrace trust and let go of the need to control outcomes. Making amends involves acknowledging where your attempts to control may have harmed others and committing to a more trusting, open approach in relationships.

Steps to take:

  • Reflect on where your need for control has created tension in relationships.
  • Make amends by acknowledging this behavior and committing to trusting others more moving forward.

Questions to ask:

  • How has my need to control situations or relationships caused harm?
  • Am I willing to trust others more and let go of my need for constant control?
  • How can I build more trust and openness in my relationships as part of making amends?

Example:
You may acknowledge, “I’ve realized that my need to control situations has caused unnecessary stress in our relationship. I’m sorry for not trusting you, and I’m committed to working on letting go of control and trusting more.”

Summary for Type 6s: Working Step 9

For Type 6s, working Step 9 in Overeaters Anonymous involves acknowledging how fear, anxiety, and mistrust have impacted relationships. By reflecting on their defensive, reactive, or controlling behaviors, Type 6s can make direct amends to those they have hurt. This step requires facing fears of rejection or conflict, letting go of the need for constant reassurance, and embracing a spirit of trust and openness. As part of this process, Type 6s are also encouraged to make amends for their own emotional withdrawal or avoidance of conflict, committing to healthier communication and more balanced relationships moving forward.