Step 5: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

For Type 9s, working Step 5 involves overcoming their tendency to avoid conflict and discomfort by openly sharing their past behaviors and patterns. This step is about being honest and vulnerable, which can be challenging for Type 9s who prefer to keep the peace and avoid confrontations. By facing their shortcomings and sharing them with someone else, Type 9s can start to process their emotions and gain clarity on their recovery journey.

Here’s a detailed approach for Type 9s to work Step 5:

1. Reflect on Your Resentments and Harm Done

Questions to ask:

• What specific behaviors or patterns have I identified in my resentments and harm done inventories?
• How have I avoided dealing with these issues, and how has this avoidance impacted my life and relationships?
• What patterns of passive behavior or conflict avoidance have I observed in myself?
• How have these patterns contributed to my struggles with food and my overall sense of peace?

Example:

• Reflect on a situation where you avoided discussing an issue with a loved one, leading to unaddressed feelings of resentment or frustration. Consider how this avoidance affected your relationship and your emotional well-being.

2. Prepare to Share Your Insights

Steps to take:

• Select a Trusted Person: Choose someone you trust and who understands the importance of confidentiality and support in this process. This could be a sponsor, therapist, or another trusted person in the OA community.
• Write Down Key Points: Draft a list of the key insights you want to share, including specific examples of behaviors and patterns you’ve identified.
• Consider Your Feelings: Acknowledge any fear or discomfort you feel about sharing your wrongs. Reflect on how these feelings might impact your openness during the process.

Example:

• Prepare to discuss a recurring pattern where you have avoided conflict with family members, leading to unresolved issues and passive-aggressive behavior. Write down how this pattern has affected your relationships and your emotional state.

3. Share with Honesty and Vulnerability

Steps to take:

• Schedule a Time: Arrange a specific time to meet with your chosen person to ensure you both have the space to engage deeply in the conversation.
• Be Specific: Share the exact nature of your wrongs, including detailed examples of how you’ve acted in ways that conflict with your values and recovery goals.
• Express Your Feelings: Be honest about the emotions you’ve experienced related to these behaviors, such as guilt, shame, or frustration.

Example:

• During your meeting, you might say: “I’ve realized that I often avoid confronting issues with my partner to keep the peace, but this has led to unresolved resentments and passive-aggressive behavior. I feel guilty for not addressing these issues directly and for how it has impacted our relationship.”

4. Receive Feedback and Support

Steps to take:

• Listen Actively: Pay attention to the feedback and insights your trusted person provides. They may offer valuable perspectives or suggestions for how to address these issues moving forward.
• Ask Questions: If you need clarification or additional support, don’t hesitate to ask. This is a collaborative process meant to help you grow and heal.

Example:

• After sharing, you might ask: “How can I better address conflicts and express my needs without feeling overwhelmed or afraid of disrupting the peace?”

5. Commit to Action and Change

Steps to take:

• Develop a Plan: Create actionable steps to address the patterns and behaviors you’ve discussed. This might include setting goals for more open communication or practicing assertiveness.
• Seek Ongoing Support: Continue to work with your sponsor or support person to review your progress and make adjustments as needed.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself as you work through these changes. Recognize that growth takes time and effort.

Example:

• Plan to have a weekly check-in with your partner where you discuss any issues that have arisen, and set a goal to express your needs more openly. Seek regular support from your sponsor to help stay accountable.

Summary

For Type 9s, working Step 5 involves overcoming their natural tendency to avoid conflict and discomfort by openly sharing their wrongs and patterns with a trusted person. This step requires acknowledging and addressing passive behaviors and their impact on relationships and personal well-being. By being honest, vulnerable, and open to feedback, Type 9s can gain clarity, develop actionable plans for change, and make meaningful progress in their recovery journey.