Step Five: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
The thought of admitting our wrongs to another person often brings fear of judgment or rejection. For Type 9s, this step can feel especially challenging as they fear disrupting the peace or facing conflict. Many avoid acknowledging their wrongs to maintain a sense of harmony, yet this avoidance can lead to deeper inner turmoil. Through Step Five, Type 9s discover that addressing their patterns of avoidance and passivity brings a profound sense of peace, clarity, and connection with themselves and others.
Remember, it’s natural to feel scared. You are not alone. The fear is temporary, and by trusting the process, you’ll experience relief, healing, and freedom.
Sponsors guide us through Step Five by helping us uncover behaviors that keep us stuck, harm our well-being, and negatively impact our relationships. For Type 9s, these patterns often include avoiding conflict, suppressing their needs, disengaging from responsibilities, and going along with others to maintain external harmony.
Preparing for Step 5
- Ask your Higher Power for the courage, honesty, and willingness this step requires.
- Read common Type 9 character defenses included in the list and leftmost column of the Example Defenses Inventory (below).
- Reflect on the work you have done in Steps 1-4, notice any defenses (also known as patterns of behavior that cause problems in our relationships and life). No need to write them down, just ask yourself which ones show up as your sponsor will help you create your own Defenses Inventory?
- Your sponsor will help you create your own Defenses Inventory when you share your Step 4.
- Send the Step 5 Guide for Sponsors to your sponsor trust that your sponsor will ensure that you get through Step 5 together and that your sponsor will hold all the information you share in confidence.
- Make an appointment with your sponsor to complete this step.
You can use some of these examples to create your own Defense Form.
Click here to download Example Defense Form with blanks.
Type 9 – EXAMPLE DEFENSE FORM
Some common Type 9 defenses are: Avoidance, Deflection, Dissociation, Emotional Numbing, Forgetfulness, Inertia, Laziness, Narcotization, Numbing, Repression, Resignation, Self-Neglect, Self-Forgetfulness, and Withdrawal.
| Defenses of Character | How It Shows Up in My Life | How It Harms Me | How It Harms Others |
|---|---|---|---|
| Avoiding Conflict | I avoid addressing issues or expressing my true feelings. | I feel disconnected and suppress resentment. | Others feel frustrated or unaware of my needs. |
| People-Pleasing | I go along with others’ desires to maintain harmony. | I feel unimportant and lose touch with my own needs. | Others may unknowingly take advantage of me. |
| Procrastination | I delay taking action, hoping problems will resolve themselves. | I feel stuck and overwhelmed by unresolved issues. | Others feel burdened by my lack of engagement. |
| Passivity | I disengage from decisions and responsibilities. | I feel powerless and out of control of my life. | Others feel unsupported and confused about my intentions. |
| Denial | I ignore problems or pretend they don’t exist. | I feel anxious and avoidant, unable to grow. | Others feel frustrated by my lack of awareness or action. |
| Over-Accommodating | I prioritize others’ needs over my own to avoid conflict. | I feel unseen and undervalued. | Others rely too much on me without considering my needs. |
| Fear of Rejection | I avoid expressing myself to prevent being judged or rejected. | I feel isolated and unworthy. | Others don’t get to know the real me. |
| Disengagement | I withdraw emotionally when situations feel overwhelming. | I feel disconnected and lonely. | Others feel unsupported or shut out. |
| Complacency | I accept situations as they are, even when they harm me. | I feel stuck and unmotivated. | Others feel let down by my lack of initiative. |
Summary
For Type 9s, working Step 5 involves identifying how their avoidance of conflict, passivity, and over-accommodation harm their lives and relationships. By being honest, vulnerable, and open to feedback, Type 9s can uncover their true needs and begin building healthier relationships with themselves and others. You have taken a vital step on your recovery journey. Take a moment to celebrate your progress.