Enneagram Type: 8 Step 5

Enneagram Type 8: Working Step 5 in Overeaters Anonymous

Step 5: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

For Type 8s, working Step 5 involves facing their tendencies to be controlling, confrontational, or defensive. Type 8s are typically strong-willed and assertive, which can make it challenging to acknowledge vulnerabilities or admit mistakes. This step is crucial for Type 8s to address how their behavior and attitudes may have contributed to their struggles with food and their relationships.

Here’s a detailed approach for Type 8s to work Step 5:

1. Reflect on Your Resentments and Harm Done

Questions to ask:

  • What specific actions or attitudes have I taken that have caused harm to others or myself?
  • How have my need for control or resistance to vulnerability impacted my relationships and my approach to food?
  • In what ways have I used power or assertiveness to cover up my insecurities or fears?
  • How have my behaviors contributed to my struggles with food and my overall well-being?

Example:

  • Reflect on a situation where you asserted control over a family meal, leading to conflicts or resentment. Consider how your need to dominate or control impacted the situation and your relationships.

2. Prepare to Share Your Insights

Steps to take:

  • Select a Trusted Person: Choose someone who is capable of handling the intensity of your emotions and who can provide constructive feedback. This could be a sponsor, therapist, or trusted friend.
  • Write Down Key Points: Draft a list of the key insights you want to share, including specific examples of behaviors and patterns you’ve identified.
  • Consider Your Feelings: Acknowledge any apprehensions or discomfort about being vulnerable or admitting mistakes. Reflect on how these feelings might affect your willingness to share.

Example:

  • Prepare to discuss a situation where your assertiveness led to a power struggle, such as insisting on making all the decisions about meal planning, which caused tension and feelings of resentment.

3. Share with Honesty and Vulnerability

Steps to take:

  • Schedule a Time: Arrange a specific time to meet with your chosen person to ensure that you both have the space to engage deeply in the conversation.
  • Be Specific: Share the exact nature of your wrongs, including detailed examples of how your behaviors and attitudes have caused harm.
  • Express Your Feelings: Be open about the emotions you’ve experienced related to these behaviors, such as anger, defensiveness, or frustration.

Example:

  • During your meeting, you might say: “I’ve noticed that I often try to control situations to avoid feeling vulnerable, like when I insist on planning meals exactly my way. This behavior has caused friction and hurt feelings. I feel defensive when my authority is questioned, but I recognize this has negatively impacted my relationships.”

4. Receive Feedback and Support

Steps to take:

  • Listen Actively: Pay close attention to the feedback and insights your trusted person provides. They may offer valuable perspectives on how to address your behaviors and attitudes.
  • Ask Questions: If you need clarification or additional support, don’t hesitate to ask. This step is about gaining insight and support to aid your recovery.

Example:

  • After sharing, you might ask: “How can I better manage my need for control without feeling like I’m losing my sense of self or authority? What steps can I take to be more open and less defensive in my relationships?”

5. Commit to Action and Change

Steps to take:

  • Develop a Plan: Create actionable steps to address the behaviors and patterns you’ve discussed. This might include practicing letting go of control in certain situations or finding healthier ways to express your needs and frustrations.
  • Seek Ongoing Support: Continue to work with your sponsor or support person to review your progress and make adjustments as needed.
  • Practice Self-Compassion: Recognize that change takes time and effort. Be kind to yourself as you work through these challenges.

Example:

  • Plan to practice delegating tasks or decisions to others in low-stakes situations to build trust and reduce the need for control. Set goals to communicate your needs more clearly and constructively without resorting to assertiveness or dominance.

Summary

For Type 8s, working Step 5 involves confronting their tendencies to be controlling, confrontational, or defensive by openly sharing their wrongs and patterns with a trusted person. This step requires Type 8s to acknowledge how their behaviors and attitudes have impacted their relationships and recovery journey. By being honest, vulnerable, and receptive to feedback, Type 8s can gain deeper insights into their actions, develop actionable plans for change, and make meaningful progress in their recovery process.