Step 8: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”
For Enneagram Type 6s, Step 8 at Surrender School focuses on developing the willingness to make amends. As loyal skeptics and questioners, Sixes often move through the world with caution and vigilance — fueled by a desire to stay safe and prepared. But when that anxious energy goes unchecked, it can create harm through mistrust, over-control, or emotional inconsistency — even when intentions were good.
Working Step 8 involves revisiting your Step 4 Harms Inventory and Step 6 Defense Analysis to identify moments when your ego defenses protected you in ways that caused harm. You’ll explore any resistance that arises, so you can face what still blocks you and grow in spiritual willingness to make honest and meaningful amends.
This step culminates in the creation of your Step 8 Willingness Assessment — a tool to name the harm, identify the type of amends needed, and prepare your heart with spiritual readiness for Step 9.
Step-by-Step: How to Complete Your Willingness Assessment
Before You Begin
- Download the Example Willingness Assessment (PDF) and the Blank Willingness Assessment (PDF)
- Gather and read these 3 items:
- Step 4 Harm Form
- Step 6 Defense Analysis
- Step 6 Readiness Assessment
- Pray — ask your Higher Power to help you see clearly and increase your willingness.
- Review the example — Read through the example to ground yourself.
Example Willingness Assessment – Type 6
| My Reactive Behavior | Obstacle to Willingness | Type of Amends (Explain if not direct) |
|---|---|---|
| Jordan (My Partner) – I questioned their loyalty and constantly sought reassurance. | Fear of Rejection: Belief that love must be earned or tested. Fear that if I don’t ask for reassurance, I’ll be abandoned or betrayed. | Direct Amends + Living Amends — I can focus on my love for my partner and not my partner’s love for me. |
| Claire (My Friend) – I withdrew emotionally instead of sharing how unsupported I felt. | Avoidance: Fear of conflict or appearing needy led to emotional withdrawal. Belief that speaking up will make things worse. | Direct Amends + Living Amends — Share the truth behind my silence and ask for what I need. |
| My Boss – I didn’t ask for clarity, assuming they would think I was incompetent. | Self-Doubt: Assuming I can’t ask for support without being judged. Fear of being seen as incapable. | Living Amends — Commit to trusting my own judgment/abilities and asking for clarity when needed. |
| Marcus (My Coworker) – I micromanaged him out of fear the project would fail. | Over-Control: Fear that letting go will lead to chaos. Difficulty trusting others to do their part. | Living Amends — Practice letting others contribute and be responsible for themselves without taking over. |
| Rachel (My Sister) – I didn’t back her up during a family argument because I didn’t want to take sides. | Ambivalence: Fear of conflict and a desire to avoid being “wrong” kept me from standing up for what I knew was right. | Direct Amends + Living Amends — standing up for what I believe in and living my values. |
| My Sponsor – I placed too much responsibility on them to fix my anxiety. | Over-Reliance on Authority: Belief that others know better than me. Fear of trusting my own process. | Living Amends – Take more personal responsibility for my recovery and recognize the limits of the relationship. |
| My Therapist – I avoided vulnerability because I didn’t fully trust them. | Mistrust: Defense against being hurt or misunderstood. Fear of being truly seen. | Living Amends – Commit to honest, open sharing in future sessions. Choose to trust wisely, knowing that not everyone will betray me. |
| Myself – I let fear paralyze me, missing opportunities and betraying my own growth. | Self-Doubt and Catastrophizing: Belief that worst-case scenarios are inevitable. Fear of failure blocks action. | Prayer, Inner Work – Recommit to showing up for myself with courage and trust. Practice affirmations that align with faith, not fear. |
| My Team – I overanalyzed decisions, slowing down progress. | Indecision – Overthinking: Belief that more analysis equals better outcomes. Fear of being wrong keeps me stuck. | Living Amends – Trust my decisions and take action without overanalyzing every possibility. |
| Frank (My Father) – I resisted his guidance out of a fear of being controlled. | Contrarian Thinking: Mistrust of authority as a defense against feeling powerless. Fear of being dominated. | Direct Amends + Living Amends – Trust wisely. Remember that offers of help is not the same thing as attempts to control. |
| God – I doubted and withheld trust, especially when I didn’t understand what was happening in my life. | Lack of Surrender: Fear that trusting God will result in harm. Belief that I must stay hyper-vigilant to survive. | Spiritual Amends – Deepen surrender through prayer, honesty, and conscious trust. Speak this in prayer and practice spiritual disciplines that increase faith. |
Spiritual Discernment: Do I Owe an Amends?
Review your Step 4 Harm Form. Amends are only needed when your actions came from your defenses and resulted in real emotional, physical, financial, or spiritual harm. Simply having negative thoughts or fears about someone does not require an amends. Amends are also not needed when you were honest, clear, and acted in integrity — even if someone else felt uncomfortable.
Carefully consider your Step 4 Harm Form. Take time with each harm listed. For each harm, write the name/institution and the specific behavior that caused real harm in Column 1 of your Willingness Assessment. Then look at your Step 6 Defense Analysis. Add any additional names or harms caused by fear-based behaviors, projection, or doubt.—even if you left them off your Step 4 list.
To determine whether real harm was caused in each instance, ask yourself:
- Was the harm rooted in fear, suspicion, over-reaction, emotional withdrawal, or misplaced loyalty — even if I was trying to be safe or responsible?
- Did I cause emotional, physical, financial, or spiritual harm — even subtly, passively, or unintentionally?
- Was I speaking truth in love — or reacting from anxiety, worry, or a need for certainty or control?
- Would making amends now support healing — or just relieve my guilt or avoid a difficult conversation?
Type 6 Reminder: You may think, “I was just trying to protect them,” or “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.” But if your behavior was shaped by fear, projection, doubt, or compliance — and it resulted in harm — it belongs on your list. Step 8 is not about blaming yourself; it’s about reclaiming integrity and moving from fear to faith.
Obstacles to Willingness
What makes it hard to be willing? For Type 6s, the inner committee of fear and doubt often leads the charge—convincing you that making amends will backfire, that you’ll be attacked or misunderstood, or that your loyalty to one person justifies the harm done to another.
- Fear: Fear of confrontation, fear of being blamed, or fear of making things worse
- Projection: Assuming the other person won’t accept your amends or that you’ll be attacked or rejected
- Overthinking: Getting stuck in analyzing what could go wrong instead of trusting the process
- Distrust: Not trusting that your Higher Power will protect or guide you through the conversation
- Loyalty Confusion: Believing you were “just being loyal” to one person, while harming another in the process
- Self-Doubt: Questioning whether your experience was valid or whether the harm “really happened”
- Lack of Forgiveness: Believing someone else’s betrayal, irresponsibility, or unreliability justifies your withdrawal, criticism, or resentment
Reflection Questions:
- What do I need to forgive in them, in myself, or in the situation?
- What pain or belief is keeping me unwilling?
Examples for Type 6s include:
- Forgiving someone for abandoning or failing you
- Letting go of resentment toward people who seemed dishonest or unreliable
- Forgiving yourself for acting out of fear or mistrust
- Releasing the belief that everyone will turn on you or let you down
- Letting go of fear-based loyalty that caused indirect harm
* Ask your Higher Power to help you move through these blocks with honesty, humility, and love. Willingness doesn’t mean you’re ready to do everything perfectly — it means you’re open to the next step.
What Type of Amends Will I Make?
Use Column 3 of your Willingness Assessment to name the kind of repair each relationship needs:
- Direct Amends – A sincere conversation naming the harm and asking how to make it right.
- Living Amends – A lasting change in behavior. Use your Step 6 Defense Readiness Table to name what trust-building behavior you will now practice.
- Indirect Amends – Symbolic or service-based gesture when direct contact isn’t possible. (Death, safety boundaries, or distance.) Note: Avoiding discomfort is not a valid reason to choose indirect amends
- Prayer or Inner Work – For relationships that call for deep internal repair or spiritual reconnection. Prayer and inner work can also be used when contact would cause harm or reinforce unhealthy dynamics.
*If you’re unsure what type of amends to make, write “unclear” and ask your sponsor or a fellow traveler for support.
* Tip for Type 1s: Living Amends are not about becoming perfect. They’re about becoming real—honest, accountable, and kind.
Ask Your Higher Power for Willingness
You know you’re becoming ready to make amends when you can say,
“I’m sorry I…”
If you’re still saying,
“I’m sorry you…” or “I’m sorry that…”,
you may need more time—and that’s okay.
Step 8 is not about rushing. It’s about becoming spiritually willing, one relationship at a time.
Prayer for Willingness
Higher Power,
Please help me become willing to make amends.
When fear clouds my heart, help me lean into trust.
When I want to protect myself or avoid conflict, give me the courage to show up with love.
Where I feel doubt, plant faith.
Where I feel anxious, plant peace.
Where I feel mistrustful, plant wisdom and confidence.
“I trust that becoming willing is a courageous act.”
Amen.
Summary for Type 6
Step 8 for Type 6s prepares the heart for healing by loosening the grip of fear, suspicion, and projection. It’s a sacred invitation to take responsibility for harm—not just for what you did, but for how your inner doubt or anxious loyalty may have caused confusion, withdrawal, or mistrust in relationships.
Willingness becomes the bridge between vigilance and vulnerability. By drawing on the trust, courage, and clarity developed in Steps 4–7—and asking your Higher Power to guide you beyond fear—you begin to release the mental loops and protective strategies that keep you separate. This is how you move from anxiety to accountability—from protection to presence. As you take honest, heartfelt action and acknowledge the harm you’ve caused, you rebuild trust with others—and with yourself.