Step Five: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
For Type 4s, taking Step Five can feel especially vulnerable as they deeply value authenticity and may fear rejection or misunderstanding when revealing their innermost flaws. However, this step provides an opportunity to embrace their full humanity—both their gifts and imperfections—and to let go of the belief that they are uniquely broken. By sharing their inventory, Type 4s often experience profound relief and discover a deeper connection to others, their Higher Power, and themselves.
It’s natural to feel scared. You are not alone. By trusting this process, you’ll find freedom from shame and the burdens of self-absorption. Sponsors guide us through Step Five by helping us identify patterns such as envy, self-pity, emotional intensity, and withdrawal, and how these behaviors impact our lives and relationships.
Preparing for Step 5
- Ask your Higher Power for the courage, honesty, and willingness this step requires.
- Read common Type 4 character defenses included in the list and leftmost column of the Example Defenses Inventory (below).
- Reflect on the work you have done in Steps 1-4, notice any defenses (also known as patterns of behavior that cause problems in our relationships and life). No need to write them down, just ask yourself which ones show up as your sponsor will help you create your own Defenses Inventory?
- Your sponsor will help you create your own Defenses Inventory when you share your Step 4.
- Send the Step 5 Guide for Sponsors to your sponsor trust that your sponsor will ensure that you get through Step 5 together and that your sponsor will hold all the information you share in confidence.
- Make an appointment with your sponsor to complete this step.
You can use some of these examples to create your own Defense Form.
Click here to download Defense Form Examples with blanks.
Type 4 – EXAMPLE DEFENSE FORM
Some common Type 4 defenses are: Avoidance, Comparisons, Denial, Dramatization, Emotional Reactivity, Fantasy, Impracticality, Introspection, Introjection, Isolation, Melancholy, Moodiness, Projection, Romanticizing.
| Defenses of Character | How It Shows Up in My Life | How It Harms Me | How It Harms Others |
|---|---|---|---|
| Envy | I compare myself to others and feel lacking. | I feel unworthy and stuck in self-pity. | Others may feel I’m distant or ungrateful. |
| Self-pity | I focus on my struggles and feel misunderstood. | I feel stuck and disconnected from gratitude. | Others may feel drained or helpless to support me. |
| Emotional intensity | I dwell on strong emotions and dramatic narratives. | I feel overwhelmed and unable to take action. | Others may feel overshadowed or excluded. |
| Withdrawal | I retreat when I feel overwhelmed or misunderstood. | I feel isolated and disconnected from support. | Others may feel abandoned or shut out. |
| Idealism | I set unrealistic expectations for myself and others. | I feel disappointed and critical. | Others may feel they can’t measure up to my standards. |
| Over-identifying with feelings | I let emotions define my identity and decisions. | I feel stuck in cycles of intense emotions. | Others may feel overwhelmed or unable to connect with me. |
| Self-absorption | I focus too much on my inner world. | I feel disconnected from the present and others. | Others may feel neglected or unseen. |
| Longing for what’s missing | I focus on what I don’t have instead of what I do. | I feel dissatisfied and discontented. | Others may feel I’m ungrateful or hard to please. |
| Fear of rejection | I avoid being vulnerable for fear of being judged. | I feel lonely and unseen. | Others may feel I’m withholding or untrusting. |
Summary
For Type 4s, working Step 5 involves identifying how their emotional intensity, longing, and focus on uniqueness can harm themselves and their relationships. By being honest, vulnerable, and open to feedback, Type 4s can embrace their full humanity and connect more deeply with others. This step empowers them to release shame and discover peace in being their authentic selves. Celebrate this vital step on your recovery journey—you are making meaningful progress!