Enneagram Type 3: Step 4 – Surrender School

STEP 4: “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

Resentment Inventory

For Type 3s, resentment often stems from feeling overlooked or unacknowledged for their achievements and efforts. They may resent people who don’t recognize their hard work, dismiss their successes, or overshadow their contributions. This resentment is fueled by their deep need to feel valued and admired, as well as the pressure they place on themselves to perform and succeed.

Resentment Launch Questions:

In what ways do I feel resentful when others fail to recognize my accomplishments?
Where have I compared myself to others and felt resentment toward them?
How do I feel when others seem to achieve more or receive more attention than I do?
Where have I overworked myself for the sake of recognition, only to feel unappreciated?

Create your own Resentment Form: Click here to download a blank Resentment form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Resentment Form below.

Example Resentment Form

Who/What I Resent	Why I Resent Them	How It Affects Me (Self-Esteem, Pride, Relationships)	My Part in It
My boss	They don’t acknowledge my contributions at work.	I feel invisible and undervalued.	I seek validation through constant achievement instead of communicating my needs.
A coworker	They received a promotion I thought I deserved.	I feel jealous and inadequate.	I measure my worth through comparison and external success.
My partner	They don’t show interest in my successes.	I feel disconnected and unimportant.	I focus more on achievements than emotional connection.
A friend	They get more recognition or praise in social circles.	I feel competitive and resentful.	I prioritize how I’m perceived over authentic connection.
My parent	They always expect more from me, no matter how much I accomplish.	I feel I’ll never be good enough.	I seek their approval instead of defining my own worth.
A sibling	They are seen as more successful in our family.	I feel jealous and unseen.	I compare myself to them instead of appreciating my own journey.
My recovery sponsor	They don’t seem to recognize my progress in the program.	I feel discouraged and unmotivated.	I rely too much on external validation for my growth.
A recovery group member	They seem more admired or successful in their recovery journey.	I feel inferior and frustrated.	I focus on competition instead of collaboration.
Myself	I didn’t achieve a goal I set for myself.	I feel like a failure and question my worth.	I equate my self-worth with my productivity and success.

Fear Inventory

Type 3s fear being worthless, insignificant, or failing. This fear drives their need to constantly achieve, perform, and be seen as successful. They must face the fear that their worth does not depend on their accomplishments but on who they are at their core.

Fear Launch Questions:

How does my fear of failure affect my relationships and decisions?
Where do I feel the need to prove myself through achievements?
How does my fear of being seen as inadequate affect my ability to connect authentically with others?
Where do I use work or accomplishments to distract from my deeper fears or emotions?

Create your own Resentment Form: Click here to download a blank Fear Form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Fear Form below.

Example Fear Form

Fear	What I Do In Response	How What I Do Makes Me Feel	How What I Do Affects Others	What Would GOD Have Me Be
Fear of failure	I overwork, avoid risks, and manipulate situations to ensure success.	I feel anxious, pressured, and driven.	Others feel I’m unavailable, overly focused on work, and competitive.	Trusting that failure is a learning opportunity, not a measure of my worth.
Fear of being unimportant	I seek constant validation, exaggerate achievements, and manipulate perceptions.	I feel anxious, insecure, and dependent on external validation.	Others feel disconnected from my true self, and that I am inauthentic.	Trusting that my value comes from God, not others’ opinions.
Fear of being inadequate	I push myself to excel, become perfectionistic, and manipulate situations.	I feel pressured, stressed, and driven.	Others feel I’m overly competitive, critical, and demanding.	Confident in my worth, regardless of achievements.
Fear of rejection	I overcommit, manipulate relationships, and avoid vulnerability.	I feel insecure, anxious, and emotionally unavailable.	Others feel I’m not emotionally available, distant, and inauthentic.	Secure in my relationships without needing to perform.
Fear of vulnerability	I avoid sharing my true feelings, manipulate my image, and suppress emotions.	I feel distant, inauthentic, and emotionally repressed.	Others feel distant, unable to connect, and that I’m inauthentic.	Open and honest about my emotions.
Fear of insignificance	I constantly push myself, manipulate situations, and seek recognition.	I feel burned out, stressed, and driven.	Others feel pressured to keep up, and that I am overly ambitious.	Resting in the knowledge that I’m enough as I am.
Fear of criticism	I avoid feedback, strive for perfection, and manipulate to avoid criticism.	I feel defensive, anxious, and pressured.	Others feel they can’t be honest, and that I am defensive.	Accepting feedback as an opportunity for growth.
Fear of being ordinary	I overextend myself, manipulate my image, and seek constant attention.	I feel anxious, insecure, and driven.	Others feel I’m overly focused on appearance, and inauthentic.	Secure in my uniqueness without needing to prove it.
Fear of losing control	I micromanage my image and behavior, manipulate situations, and suppress emotions.	I feel stressed, inauthentic, and emotionally repressed.	Others feel I’m inauthentic, controlling, and distant.	Trusting in God’s plan and letting go of control.

Harm Inventory

Type 3s need to recognize how their pursuit of success and image can sometimes harm others and themselves. Their drive to achieve can result in neglecting relationships, manipulating perceptions, or prioritizing accomplishments over authenticity.

Harm Launch Questions:

In what ways have I hurt others by prioritizing success over relationships?
Where have I manipulated situations or people to maintain my image?
How has my focus on achievement caused me to neglect my emotional needs or the needs of others?
Where have I failed to be honest about my struggles, leading to harm or misunderstandings?

Create your own Harm Form: Click here to download a blank Harm Form.

You can use some of these examples: Click here to download the Example Harm Form below.

Example Harm Form

Who I Harmed	What I Did	How I Harmed Them (or Myself)	What I Should Have Done Instead
My partner	Prioritized work over spending quality time with them.	Made them feel unimportant and disconnected.	Balanced work and personal life to nurture our relationship.
My child	Focused more on their achievements than their emotional needs.	Made them feel pressured and unseen.	Celebrated their efforts and emotions, not just outcomes.
A friend	Competed with them instead of supporting them.	Created tension and hurt trust in our friendship.	Cheered them on without comparing myself.
My parent	Strived for their approval by achieving more, but neglected honest connection.	Felt distant and misunderstood in our relationship.	Focused on building an authentic relationship instead of seeking validation.
A coworker	Took credit for a project to enhance my image.	Made them feel undervalued and betrayed.	Shared credit and acknowledged their contributions.
Myself	Ignored my emotional needs to maintain a polished image.	Felt burned out and disconnected from my true self.	Allowed myself to rest and show vulnerability.
A sibling	Dismissed their accomplishments because I felt competitive.	Harmed our relationship with jealousy and comparison.	Celebrated their successes without comparing myself.
My recovery group	Focused more on looking good in the group than being authentic.	Missed opportunities for genuine connection and growth.	Shared honestly and vulnerably, regardless of how I appeared.
My team	Pushed them too hard to meet high standards.	Created resentment and stress in the team dynamic.	Encouraged collaboration and balanced expectations.

Congratulations you have completed Step 4!

Summary:

For an Enneagram Type 3 working Step 4, the key is to uncover how their need for success and admiration drives much of their behavior. By reflecting on resentments, fears, harms, and defects of character, they can gain insight into how their pursuit of achievement affects their relationships, self-worth, and recovery. This inventory helps Type 3s confront these patterns and move toward greater authenticity, self-acceptance, and trust in God’s love for who they are, not just for what they accomplish.