Enneagram Type 2: Working Step 8 in Overeaters Anonymous
Step 8: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.”
For Enneagram Type 2s, who are known for being empathetic, giving, and supportive, working Step 8 in Overeaters Anonymous involves addressing their deep need for love and appreciation. Type 2s often focus on meeting others’ needs while neglecting their own, and may not recognize how their behavior can be manipulative or controlling. In this step, Type 2s are asked to humbly reflect on the ways they may have harmed others in their efforts to be indispensable, as well as any resentments or feelings of unworthiness that have contributed to their food issues. Becoming willing to make amends is a powerful opportunity for Type 2s to practice humility and move toward healing in relationships.
Here’s a guide for Type 2s to deeply work Step 8:
1. Reflect on Harm Caused by Over-Involvement or Neglect of Self
Questions to ask:
- How has my desire to be needed or appreciated led me to overextend myself, causing harm to others or to myself?
- In what ways have I neglected my own needs, leading to resentment or frustration that may have impacted my relationships?
- Have I used food as a way to cope with feelings of being unappreciated, or as a means to avoid addressing how I might have harmed others?
Example:
You might recognize that you have neglected your own self-care while trying to take care of others, leading to burnout and resentment, which in turn affected your relationships.
2. Identify Where Emotional Manipulation Has Played a Role
Type 2s often give with an expectation of receiving love or appreciation in return, which can lead to manipulation or guilt-tripping when those needs aren’t met.
Questions to ask:
- Have I given or helped others with the unspoken expectation that they would reciprocate in some way?
- How have I used guilt or manipulation to get the love or attention I craved, and who has been affected by this?
- How has my need to feel indispensable led to controlling or suffocating behaviors in my relationships?
Example:
You may realize that you’ve offered help or support with the hope that the person would feel indebted to you, and that this dynamic has caused strain in the relationship.
3. Recognize Any Codependent Patterns
Type 2s often fall into codependent relationships, where their sense of self-worth is tied to how much they do for others. This can lead to resentment and emotional strain.
Questions to ask:
- How have I prioritized others’ needs over my own in ways that have caused harm to myself or others?
- In what relationships have I acted out of a desire to be loved or needed, and how has this affected the other person?
- How has my codependency contributed to feelings of resentment, and how have I used food to cope with those feelings?
Example:
You might identify that your constant focus on helping others has led to feelings of resentment when they don’t meet your emotional needs, causing you to overeat or withdraw emotionally.
4. Make a List of People You Have Harmed
Once you’ve reflected on these patterns, it’s time to make a concrete list of the people you’ve harmed, whether through emotional manipulation, neglect of self, or codependent behaviors.
Steps to take:
- Write down the names of individuals with whom your behavior has caused harm. This could include family, friends, colleagues, or even yourself.
- Be honest about the nature of the harm—whether it’s through over-involvement, guilt, emotional manipulation, or neglecting your own well-being, which has impacted others.
Questions to ask:
- Who has been hurt by my tendency to give too much or expect too much in return?
- Have I neglected myself in ways that have affected others around me?
- How has my emotional neediness or control caused strain in my relationships?
Example:
You may write down a family member with whom you’ve been emotionally manipulative, or a friend who has felt burdened by your constant help and emotional demands.
5. Become Willing to Make Amends
After making the list, the next step is becoming willing to make amends, which can be challenging for Type 2s because it requires humility and releasing the need to be appreciated or loved in return.
Steps to take:
- Reflect on your willingness to make amends without expecting anything in return. Making amends is not about gaining approval or love, but about taking responsibility for your actions.
- Pray or meditate on releasing the need for validation from others, and ask for the willingness to make amends with a humble heart.
Questions to ask:
- Am I willing to make amends without expecting anything in return—no validation, love, or recognition?
- What fears or insecurities come up when I think about making amends? How can I ask my Higher Power for help in releasing these fears?
Example:
You may realize that you’ve been hesitant to apologize or make amends because you fear losing the connection or approval of the other person, and you might pray for the strength to let go of that fear.
Summary for Type 2s: Working Step 8
For a Type 2, working Step 8 in Overeaters Anonymous requires a deep reflection on the ways their desire to be needed, appreciated, and loved has affected others and themselves. By recognizing patterns of emotional manipulation, codependency, and neglect of self-care, Type 2s can begin to take responsibility for the harm they’ve caused in their relationships. Becoming willing to make amends is an opportunity for Type 2s to practice humility and let go of the need for validation, focusing instead on making genuine, heartfelt apologies and taking responsibility for their actions. This step is a powerful moment of healing both for Type 2s and those they’ve impacted, allowing them to move forward in recovery with greater emotional clarity and balance.