Step Five: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
The thought of admitting our wrongs to another person often brings fear of judgment or rejection. Many of us worry that sharing the truth will cause others to lose respect for us. Some even think, “I’d rather die than admit my worst behaviors.” Yet, through taking this step, we confront our deepest fear—that being “found out” makes us unworthy or unlovable. Instead, we discover that we are human, with both strengths and flaws, just like everyone else. We find that we are accepted and loved for who we truly are, not for the false self we try to show the world. Step Five often breaks us free from the mental and emotional prison we’ve lived in for years.
Remember, it’s natural to feel scared. You are not alone. The fear is temporary, and by trusting the process, you’ll experience relief, healing, and freedom.
Sponsors guide us through Step Five by helping us uncover behaviors that keep us stuck, harm our well-being, and negatively impact our relationships. For Type 2s, these patterns often include over-giving, people-pleasing, neglecting our own needs, and failing to set healthy boundaries.
Preparing for Step 5
- Ask your Higher Power for the courage, honesty, and willingness this step requires.
- Read common Type 2 character defenses included in the list and leftmost column of the Example Defenses Inventory (below).
- Reflect on the work you have done in Steps 1-4, notice any defenses (also known as patterns of behavior that cause problems in our relationships and life). No need to write them down, just ask yourself which ones show up as your sponsor will help you create your own Defenses Inventory?
- Your sponsor will help you create your own Defenses Inventory when you share your Step 4.
- Send the Step 5 Guide for Sponsors to your sponsor trust that your sponsor will ensure that you get through Step 5 together and that your sponsor will hold all the information you share in confidence.
- Make an appointment with your sponsor to complete this step.
You can use some of these examples to create your own Defense Form.
Click here to download Defense Form Examples with blanks.
Type 2 – EXAMPLE DEFENSE FORM
Some Common Type 2 Defenses Are: Boundary less, Denial of Anger, Disengagement, Emotionalism, Flattery, Guilt Induction, Over-Giving, Over-Identification, Over-Involvement, Possessiveness, Seductiveness.
| Defenses of Character | How It Shows Up in My Life | How It Harms Me | How It Harms Others |
|---|---|---|---|
| Pride | I avoid asking for help, thinking I don’t need it. | I burn out and feel unseen. | Others can’t connect with or support me. |
| Manipulation | I give expecting love or appreciation in return. | I feel disappointed when others don’t reciprocate. | Others feel pressured and obligated. |
| Martyrdom | I overextend, then feel resentful when unacknowledged. | I feel exhausted and emotionally drained. | Others feel guilty or burdened. |
| People-pleasing | I avoid saying no to keep harmony. | I feel overwhelmed and unimportant. | Others don’t see the real me or my boundaries. |
| Denial of needs | I pretend I don’t have needs and focus on others. | I feel empty and unworthy. | Others feel uncomfortable or unaware of my needs. |
| Over-responsibility | I take on too much, feeling responsible for everyone’s happiness. | I feel emotionally drained and resentful. | Others feel controlled or reliant on me. |
| Avoiding conflict | I fear confronting others, so I avoid expressing my true feelings. | I suppress resentment and grow distant. | Others don’t understand what I need. |
| Co-dependency | I become overly involved in others’ problems. | I feel anxious and overburdened. | Others feel dependent or pressured to rely on me. |
| Fear of rejection | I over-give to avoid being rejected. | I feel unseen and unworthy. | Others feel obligated rather than connected. |
Summary:
For Type 2s, working Step 5 at Surrender School involved confronting their tendency to focus on others’ needs while neglecting their own. By being honest, vulnerable, and open to feedback, Type 2s can gain deeper insights into their patterns, develop actionable plans for change, and make meaningful progress in their recovery journey. You have taken a vital step on your recovery journey. Take a moment to celebrate your progress.