Enneagram Type 2: Step 5

Enneagram Type 2: Working Step 5 in Overeaters Anonymous

Step 5: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

For Type 2s, working Step 5 involves addressing their tendency to focus on others’ needs at the expense of their own well-being. Type 2s often struggle with self-worth issues and may have difficulty acknowledging their own faults or needs, preferring instead to be seen as helpful and giving. This step is crucial for Type 2s to confront the ways they have neglected their own needs and boundaries, and to openly share their behaviors and motivations with another person.

Here’s a detailed approach for Type 2s to work Step 5:

1. Reflect on Your Resentments and Harm Done

Questions to ask:

  • What actions or patterns have I engaged in to meet others’ needs at the expense of my own well-being?
  • How have I used my desire to be helpful or loved to manipulate situations or people, either consciously or unconsciously?
  • In what ways have I neglected my own needs or boundaries to please others or gain approval?
  • How have my behaviors driven a wedge between me and others, or caused harm in my relationships and my approach to food?

Example:

  • Reflect on a situation where you prioritized someone else’s needs over your own, leading to burnout or resentment. Consider how this pattern has impacted your relationships and your own self-care.

2. Prepare to Share Your Insights

Steps to take:

  • Select a Trusted Person: Choose someone who can handle your emotions with empathy and understanding. This could be a sponsor, therapist, or a close friend who can provide honest feedback.
  • Write Down Key Points: Draft a list of the key insights you want to share, including specific examples of how your behaviors have impacted others and yourself.
  • Consider Your Feelings: Acknowledge any discomfort or fear you have about admitting your own faults or needs. Reflect on how these feelings might affect your willingness to be open.

Example:

  • Prepare to discuss how you have neglected your own needs while focusing on taking care of others, and how this has led to feelings of resentment or inadequacy. Write down specific instances where your need to be seen as helpful has caused you harm.

3. Share with Honesty and Vulnerability

Steps to take:

  • Schedule a Time: Arrange a specific time to meet with your chosen person, ensuring both of you can engage fully in the conversation.
  • Be Specific: Share the exact nature of your wrongs, including detailed examples of how your actions and motivations have affected your relationships and your recovery.
  • Express Your Feelings: Be open about the emotions you’ve experienced related to these behaviors, such as fear of rejection, guilt, or inadequacy.

Example:

  • During your meeting, you might say: “I’ve realized that my need to be seen as helpful has led me to ignore my own needs. For example, I’ve overcommitted to helping others, which has left me feeling exhausted and unappreciated. I feel vulnerable admitting this, but I understand it’s impacting my recovery and relationships.”

4. Receive Feedback and Support

Steps to take:

  • Listen Actively: Pay close attention to the feedback and insights your trusted person provides. They may offer valuable perspectives on how to address your behaviors and attitudes.
  • Ask Questions: If you need clarification or additional support, don’t hesitate to ask. This step is about gaining insight and support to help you move forward.

Example:

  • After sharing, you might ask: “How can I balance my desire to help others with taking care of my own needs without feeling guilty or selfish? What steps can I take to ensure I am setting healthy boundaries while still being supportive?”

5. Commit to Action and Change

Steps to take:

  • Develop a Plan: Create actionable steps to address the behaviors and patterns you’ve discussed. This might include setting boundaries, learning to say no, or finding healthy ways to meet your own needs.
  • Seek Ongoing Support: Continue to work with your sponsor or support person to review your progress and make adjustments as needed.
  • Practice Self-Compassion: Recognize that change takes time and effort. Be kind to yourself as you work through these challenges.

Example:

  • Plan to set specific boundaries around your availability to help others, ensuring you also allocate time for self-care. Set goals to communicate your needs more openly and to prioritize your own well-being without feeling guilty.

Summary

For Type 2s, working Step 5 involves confronting their tendency to focus on others’ needs while neglecting their own. This step requires Type 2s to openly share their actions and motivations with a trusted person, acknowledging how their behaviors have impacted their relationships and their recovery. By being honest, vulnerable, and open to feedback, Type 2s can gain deeper insights into their patterns, develop actionable plans for change, and make meaningful progress in their recovery journey.