Enneagram Type 2: Step 10

Step 10 Guidance for Enneagram Type 2: The Helper

(Customized for Overeaters Anonymous at Surrender School)

Direction from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous for Step 10

“Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.”
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 84

For those working Step 10, the focus is on promptly addressing emotions like resentment, selfishness, dishonesty, or fear as they arise throughout the day. Immediately turn to God, asking for these character defects to be removed. Once you’ve done this, speak with a trusted person (such as a sponsor or accountability partner) about the issue and make amends as soon as possible if anyone was harmed by your actions or words.

Step 10 for Enneagram Type 2: The Helper

Core Fear: Being unwanted, unloved, or unworthy
Core Desire: To feel loved and appreciated
Core Weakness: Pride, neglecting your own needs while helping others

As a Type 2 in Overeaters Anonymous, your natural inclination to help others can often overshadow your awareness of your own emotional and spiritual well-being. Step 10 is a powerful tool for keeping yourself in balance and allowing you to maintain healthy relationships with yourself, God, and others. Here’s how you can work Step 10 with your unique tendencies as a Type 2:

1. Identify Emotional Patterns of Self-Neglect

As a Helper, you may struggle with recognizing resentment or selfishness because it’s easy to focus on others’ needs and overlook your own. However, selfishness in your case can appear as a subtle form of manipulation—doing things for others while expecting recognition or love in return.

  • Daily Inventory Check: Reflect on interactions where you gave too much or acted out of a need for love or validation.
    • Ask yourself:
      • Did I help someone today out of genuine care, or was there a part of me hoping for love, appreciation, or approval?
      • Did I feel resentment when I didn’t receive the response I was expecting?

2. Watch for Hidden Pride and Need for Approval

Type 2s often deal with hidden pride. You may refuse to admit when you’re struggling, thinking that you need to stay strong for others or fearing that asking for help may make you appear weak. Watch for this form of pride and ask God to remove it when it shows up.

  • When Pride Arises: Pray immediately, asking God to remove the pride that tells you not to ask for help or prevents you from admitting you’re overwhelmed.
    • Ask God:
      • Help me be honest about my feelings and to admit when I need help without fear of losing love or respect.

3. Turn to God, Not Others, for Validation

As a 2, it’s essential to turn your thoughts to God, especially when you find yourself seeking validation from others or feeling unloved. Ask God to fill the void and remind you that you are worthy and loved without needing to earn that love through good deeds.

  • Prayer Practice: When feelings of unworthiness arise, stop and pray, asking God to remind you of your inherent worth.
    • Pray:
      • God, please remove my need for approval from others and help me see my value through Your love.

4. Discuss Your Challenges with Someone You Trust

The Big Book advises discussing your difficulties with someone immediately. For Type 2s, this is crucial because your tendency to put others first may blind you to your own spiritual needs. Find a trusted sponsor or accountability partner who can help you reflect on whether you are acting out of love or a need for validation.

  • Ask for Feedback: Share your inventory with a trusted person regularly and ask them to help you spot patterns of over-involvement or neglecting yourself.
    • Ask them:
      • Can you help me see where I may be overextending myself or expecting something in return for my help?

5. Make Amends When You’ve Overstepped Boundaries

As a 2, you may unintentionally overstep boundaries in your relationships by helping too much, which can lead to resentment from others or feelings of unappreciation. If you realize this has happened, promptly make amends by acknowledging your mistake and respecting the other person’s autonomy.

  • Amends Practice: If you’ve overstepped, make a direct amends by apologizing for not respecting the other person’s ability to handle things themselves.
    • Say:
      • I realize I may have done too much for you or overstepped. I’m sorry if this made you feel disempowered, and I’ll work on giving you space to take care of things on your own.

6. Turn Your Thoughts to Genuinely Helping Others

Finally, when you’ve addressed your own feelings of resentment, fear, or selfishness, turn your thoughts to genuinely helping others. As a Type 2, this may come naturally to you, but the key is to help without expecting anything in return. Practice love and tolerance, knowing that your worth is secure in God, not in others’ approval.

  • Focus on Altruism: Seek ways to serve others purely out of love, with no strings attached.
    • Ask yourself:
      • How can I show up for someone today without expecting anything in return, simply as an act of love and service?

Summary

For Enneagram Type 2, working Step 10 in Overeaters Anonymous means being vigilant about patterns of over-giving and the subtle ways that selfishness and pride show up in your interactions. By turning to God for guidance and validation, discussing your struggles with a trusted person, and making amends promptly when needed, you’ll cultivate humility, balance, and healthier relationships. Through self-awareness and reliance on God, you can practice true love and tolerance while nurturing your own emotional and spiritual health.