STEP 7: Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.
For Enneagram Type 1s, Step 7 at Surrender School addresses core challenges such as perfectionism, self-righteousness, harsh self-criticism, and the tendency to feel responsible for everything being right. Type 1s often seek to be good and correct, which can lead to over-control, intolerance of imperfection (in themselves and others), rigidity, and using food to manage the stress of unmet ideals or to exert control when feeling things are not “right.” Step 7 encourages Type 1s to practice humility by recognizing that their pursuit of perfection and correctness can become a barrier to self-acceptance and inner peace, and to ask their Higher Power for the willingness to release their need for everything to be “right” and for excessive self-responsibility, trusting that it isn’t always their responsibility and that imperfection is part of growth and life.
Cultivate Humility and Self-Acceptance
Character defenses, such as your patterns of perfectionism and harsh self-criticism, are deeply ingrained behaviors developed over time as ways to feel good and in control by adhering to high standards. Just as you are powerless over food, you are also powerless over these defenses in isolation. Trying to change them solely through willpower is rarely effective. True transformation begins with acknowledging these limitations and opening yourself to support from a Higher Power.
- Reflect on Humility: For Type 1s, humility involves recognizing that you don’t have to be perfect or right to be worthy and that your perspective is not the only valid one. It’s about acknowledging that perfectionism and self-righteousness can prevent you from experiencing self-compassion, inner peace, and genuine connection with others who may have different approaches or viewpoints. Humility here means valuing your inherent worth beyond your actions and recognizing the validity of imperfection in yourself and the world.
- Embrace “It Isn’t Always My Responsibility”: Accept that it isn’t always your responsibility to make everything right or to control every outcome. Allowing yourself to release excessive responsibility, to trust in the process of life, and to accept that imperfection is part of growth and humanness, leads to greater peace and a more balanced perspective. Remember your mantra: “It isn’t always my responsibility.” By embracing this mantra, you counteract perfectionism and over-control, foster self-acceptance, and discover that true goodness and correctness are not about rigid adherence to ideals, but about embracing growth and imperfection with self-compassion and trust in a Higher Power.
Reflection Questions:
- What does humility mean to me, beyond being perfect and right?
- How can I practice letting go of excessive responsibility and controlling tendencies, trusting that “it isn’t always my responsibility” in my daily life and recovery?
Ask Your Higher Power for Guidance and Transformation
It is important to reach out to your Higher Power and other trusted, program fellows – connection is the antidote to addiction. As a Type 1, you may instinctively rely on your own judgment and standards, often hesitating to ask for help or to admit you are not in control, fearing it will mean things won’t be done “right.” However, true transformation requires surrender and allowing yourself to be supported. Your part in this process is to become aware of when your perfectionism, self-righteousness, or over-control is driving your actions and to humbly ask your Higher Power to remove these defenses. This is not a one time event, but an ongoing process of self-awareness and surrender. Each time you notice yourself becoming overly critical of yourself or others, or trying to control a situation to ensure it meets your standards, you can consciously turn to your Higher Power for guidance. Your Higher Power’s role is to gently remove these defenses as you become willing, freeing you to live with more self-compassion and acceptance of imperfection, valuing inner peace over rigid adherence to ideals.
Reflection Question:
- Reflecting on your Character Defense Assessment, recall times you tried to control situations to ensure they were “right” and what the result was for your inner peace and relationships. How can I accept that letting go of control and self-responsibility is not a failure, and that I need help and guidance from my Higher Power and others to embrace imperfection?
Write your own Seventh Step Prayer: In addition to using the Seventh Step Prayer below, take time to write your own version of the prayer, inserting the defenses you identified and speaking from your heart. Keep it simple, honest, and personal. One suggestion for modification is presented below.
Seventh Step Prayer: “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me my (each of the defenses listed in my Defenses Readiness Assessment) which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.”
Personal Prayer: “Higher Power, I acknowledge my tendency toward (each of the defenses listed in my Defenses Readiness Assessment). I humbly ask for Your assistance in removing this pattern from my life, allowing me to engage in more authentic and self-respecting relationships.”
Letting go of control for a Type 1 means: releasing the need to control yourself, others, and situations to ensure they meet your standards of “right” and “perfect,” and trusting that it isn’t always your responsibility to fix everything or to be perfect. It means surrendering the belief that your value depends on your correctness and embracing the truth that imperfection is a natural part of life and growth, and that inner peace comes from self-acceptance and trust in a Higher Power’s guidance, not from rigid control. Letting go allows a Type 1 to experience more self-compassion, build more flexible and accepting relationships, and find a more sustainable and meaningful sense of “goodness” rooted in inner peace, not external perfection.
Practice Surrender and Trust in the Process of Transformation
It is important to let go of outcomes! It is vital to relinquish the need to control your own process of transformation. Surrender your need to oversee how and when your defenses are removed. Instead, cultivate trust that your Higher Power will guide you as you open yourself to imperfection and flexibility. You may find yourself relaxing your standards, letting go of tasks that aren’t truly yours to manage, or accepting “good enough” with peace—not because you are giving up, but because you are being guided toward a more balanced and self-compassionate way of being good. Transformation unfolds organically, in its own time, and often in ways that redefine responsibility beyond personal control.
Incorporate your mantra into your daily prayer and meditation:
For Type 1s, your mantra is a tool to counter your tendency toward perfectionism and over-responsibility. It’s a reminder to actively release the need for control and to trust that you are not solely responsible for everything being “right” or perfect. Consistent repetition helps to gradually reshape your default patterns of thought and behavior, fostering growth and a more balanced approach to living with self-compassion and acceptance of imperfection in recovery.
“It isn’t always my responsibility.”
Reflection Question:
- How does my mantra challenge my tendency to feel overly responsible and in control? If it doesn’t fully resonate, what revised mantra could better support my surrender in Step 7 and my journey towards self-acceptance and releasing control? Suggestions for a Type 2 might include:
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- “I can choose progress over perfection.”
- “Peace matters more than being right.”
- “I am already enough—even when things are unfinished.”
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Choose one of the mantras above or create your own, based on what you’ve discovered about your defenses and patterns. Commit to using it in your daily surrender practice.
Embrace New Habits and Attitudes
Welcome the expansion and growth that comes from releasing your defenses and cultivating self-awareness. As you deepen your connection with your Higher Power and with others, you will discover a different kind of “rightness”—one rooted in inner peace, flexibility, and self-compassion, rather than solely in external perfection and rigid adherence to ideals. These changes will foster richer, more meaningful relationships and establish a more grounded and authentically fulfilling path in your recovery journey.
- For each of your defenses, gently visualize yourself practicing the opposite behavior you have previously identified in your Readiness Assessment for Step 6.
- Choose one or two defenses to work on at a time.
- When you notice a defense arising, consciously ask your Higher Power for help, repeat your mantra, and actively practice the opposite behavior.
Examples for Type 1:
- Perfectionism: I can embrace progress over perfection and recognize that mistakes are opportunities for learning rather than proof of failure.
- Self-Righteousness: I can stay open to differing perspectives and recognize that I don’t have to be right to be valuable.
- Harsh Self-Criticism: I can speak to myself with kindness and encouragement, recognizing that self-worth is not tied to performance.
- Over-Control: I can release my grip and trust that things will unfold as they should, even if they don’t go exactly as planned.
- Intolerance: I can listen with curiosity and respect, allowing for new insights without feeling threatened.
- Impatience: I can slow down, breathe, and trust that everything is unfolding at the right pace.
- Rigidity: I can be flexible and open to new possibilities, trusting that change brings growth.
- Resentment: I can let go of grudges and recognize that holding onto resentment only harms me.
- Fear of Failure: I can take risks and try new things without fear, knowing that failure is a stepping stone to growth.
Reflection Questions:
- Which of my defenses can I start practicing the opposite of right away? And how specifically?
- How can I create new habits that support my self-care and recovery, particularly around cultivating self-compassion, flexibility, and trust in the process of life?
Summary
For a Type 1 working Step 7 at Surrender School, the core shift involves recognizing that true “rightness” and goodness are found in inner peace and self-compassion, not in external perfection and rigid adherence to ideals. Humility in this step means acknowledging that your pursuit of perfection and correctness can become a barrier to self-acceptance and inner peace and asking your Higher Power to remove the defenses that perpetuate self-criticism and over-control. By embracing the mantra “It isn’t always my responsibility,” practicing surrender of the need for everything to be “right,” and cultivating new habits of self-compassion and flexible adaptation, you can transform your relationship with food and build a more balanced and authentically fulfilling recovery rooted in inner peace and acceptance of imperfection.