Step 7: “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.”
For Enneagram Type 4s, Step 7 at Surrender School addresses core challenges such as envy, self-pity, emotional intensity, and the tendency to focus on what is missing in their lives. Type 4s often seek to feel special and authentic, which can lead to idealizing what others have, withdrawing into their emotions, and using food to intensify feelings or to soothe the pain of perceived inadequacy or ordinariness. Step 7 encourages Type 4s to practice humility by recognizing that their focus on lack and longing can become a barrier to appreciating their present reality and inner resources, and to ask their Higher Power for the willingness to release their need for envy and self-pity, trusting that they have everything they need in this moment to grow and experience fulfillment.
1. Cultivate Humility and Self-Acceptance
Character defenses, such as your patterns of envy or self-pity, are deeply ingrained behaviors developed over time as ways to cope with feelings of inadequacy and to maintain a sense of specialness. Just as you are powerless over food, you are also powerless over these defenses in isolation. Trying to change them solely through willpower is rarely effective. True transformation begins with acknowledging these limitations and opening yourself to support from a Higher Power.
- Reflect on Humility: For Type 4s, humility involves recognizing that your inherent worth is not dependent on being unique or special in comparison to others, but on your intrinsic value as you are right now. It’s about acknowledging that envy and self-pity can blind you to your own strengths, resources, and the beauty of ordinary moments. Humility here means valuing your present self and your current circumstances, even when they feel less than ideal.
- Embrace Present Growth: Accept that you have everything you need in this moment to grow and that true fulfillment comes from nurturing your inner resources and engaging with your present reality, not from constantly longing for something else. Allowing yourself to be present, to appreciate what you have, and to cultivate gratitude for your current life, leads to a more grounded sense of self-worth and lasting contentment. Remember your mantra: “I have everything I need in this moment to grow.” By embracing present growth, you counteract envy and self-pity, foster self-acceptance, and discover that true fulfillment is found in nurturing your inner world and present opportunities, not in chasing idealized fantasies of what’s missing.
Reflection Questions:
- What does humility mean to me, beyond feeling special or different?
- How can I practice appreciating what I have and find opportunities for growth in my present moment and recovery?
2. Ask Your Higher Power for Guidance and Transformation
It is important to reach out to your Higher Power and other trusted, program fellows – connection is the antidote to addiction. As a Type 4, you may instinctively withdraw into your inner world of feelings and longings, hesitating to seek external support or guidance. However, true transformation requires surrender and allowing yourself to be supported. Your part in this process is to become aware of when your envy, self-pity, or emotional intensity is driving your actions and to humbly ask your Higher Power to remove these defenses. This is not a one time event, but an ongoing process of self-awareness and surrender. Each time you notice yourself comparing yourself to others or retreating into self-pity, you can consciously turn to your Higher Power for guidance. Your Higher Power’s role is to gently remove these defenses as you become willing, freeing you to engage more fully with your present life and to find fulfillment in your own unique journey, valuing your inherent worth beyond external comparisons.
Reflection Question:
- Reflecting on your Character Defense Assessment, recall times you retreated into your feelings and what the eventual outcome was. How can I accept that I need help and guidance from my Higher Power and others to shift my focus to present growth?
Write your own Seventh Step Prayer: In addition to using the Seventh Step Prayer below, take time to write your own version of the prayer, inserting the defenses you identified and speaking from your heart. Keep it simple, honest, and personal. One suggestion for modification is presented below.
Seventh Step Prayer: “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me my (each of the defenses listed in my Character Defense Analysis) which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.”
Personal Prayer: “Higher Power (our words of your own choosing), I am now willing that you should have all of me, true-self and false self. I pray that you now remove from me the defense of _________________ if it stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Help me to see my other defenses as I live my life in alignment with your will. Amen.”
Letting go of control for a Type 4 means: releasing the need to control your self-image to be uniquely special or to orchestrate idealized emotions, and trusting that your inherent worth and capacity for growth are present in this moment, regardless of external validation or idealized feelings. It means surrendering the belief that fulfillment lies in what’s missing or in being different from others, and embracing the truth that true fulfillment is found in nurturing your inner resources and appreciating your own unique journey as it is unfolding now. Letting go allows a Type 4 to experience deeper contentment, to engage more fully with their present life, and to find a more grounded and resilient sense of self-worth rooted in present growth, not in idealized longing.
3. Practice Surrender and Trust in the Process of Transformation
It is important to let go of outcomes! It is vital to relinquish the need to control your emotional experiences and to dictate how your sense of self and fulfillment will develop in recovery. Surrender your need for life to be extraordinary or for yourself to be seen as uniquely special. Instead, cultivate trust that your Higher Power will guide you as you open yourself to present growth and self-acceptance. You may find yourself appreciating ordinary moments more deeply, engaging in activities for their inherent value rather than for external validation, or feeling a sense of peace even when emotions are not idealized—not because you have become ordinary, but because you are being guided towards a more authentic and grounded experience of fulfillment, rooted in your present potential. Transformation unfolds organically, in its own time, and often in ways that reveal the extraordinary beauty already present in the ordinary moments of your life.
Incorporate your mantra into your daily prayer and meditation:
For Type 4s, your mantra is a tool to counter your tendency toward envy and longing for what’s missing. It’s a reminder that you already possess the inner resources and potential for growth right now, in this moment. Consistent repetition helps to gradually reshape your default patterns of thought and behavior, fostering growth and a more balanced approach to finding fulfillment in your present reality, not just in idealized fantasies of what could be.
“I have everything I need in this moment to grow.”
Reflection Question:
How does my mantra challenge my tendency to focus on what’s missing and to compare myself to others? If it doesn’t fully resonate, what revised mantra could better support my surrender in Step 7 and my commitment to present growth and self-acceptance?
Suggestions for a Type 4 might include:
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- I choose to be happy and love myself today.
- I am worthy of my own love and compassion.
- I release the need to be different and embrace my true self.
- I am connected to others and to something larger than myself.
- I am present in this moment , and I am enough.
Choose one of the mantras above or create your own, based on what you’ve discovered about your defenses and patterns. Commit to using it in your daily surrender practice.
4. Embrace New Habits and Attitudes
Welcome the expansion and growth that comes from releasing your defenses and cultivating self-awareness. As you deepen your connection with your Higher Power and with others, you will discover a different kind of fulfillment—one rooted in self-acceptance, gratitude for your present reality, and genuine contentment, rather than solely in idealized longings and a sense of being special. These changes will foster richer, more meaningful relationships and establish a more grounded and authentically fulfilling path in your recovery journey.
- For each of your defenses, gently visualize yourself practicing the opposite behavior you have previously identified in your Readiness Assessment for Step 6.
- Choose one or two defenses to work on at a time.
- When you notice a defense arising, consciously ask your Higher Power for help, repeat your mantra, and actively practice the opposite behavior.
Examples for Type 4:
- Envy: I can celebrate what I have and recognize that my worth is not defined by comparison to others.
- Self-pity: I can acknowledge my struggles while also recognizing my strength and capacity for growth.
- Emotional intensity: I can express emotions authentically while maintaining inner stability and perspective.
- Withdrawal: I can stay engaged with others and allow myself to be seen and supported.
- Idealism: I can appreciate things as they are while still striving for meaningful growth.
- Over-identifying with feelings: I can observe my emotions without being completely consumed by them.
- Self-absorption: I can turn my attention outward and connect with others without losing myself.
- Longing for what’s missing: I can find joy in the present while still dreaming of possibilities.
- Fear of rejection: I can trust that I am worthy of love and connection, even if I face rejection.
Reflection Questions:
- Which of my defenses can I start practicing the opposite of right away? And how specifically?
- How can I create new habits that support my self-care and recovery, particularly around cultivating gratitude, presence, and self-acceptance in the ordinary moments of my life?
Summary for Type 4
For a Type 4 working Step 7 at Surrender School, the core shift involves recognizing that true fulfillment and growth are found in the present moment, not in longing for what is missing or idealizing a different reality. Humility in this step means acknowledging that your focus on envy and self-pity can become a barrier to appreciating your current life and inner resources, and asking your Higher Power to remove the defenses that perpetuate longing and prevent you from seeing your present potential. By embracing present growth, practicing surrender of the need for idealized emotions and experiences, and cultivating new habits of gratitude and self-acceptance, you can transform your relationship with food and build a more fulfilling and authentically self-expressed recovery.