Working Step 9 of Overeaters Anonymous for an Enneagram Type 9: The Peacemaker

Step 9: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Core Enneagram Type 9 Traits:

• Core Fear: Conflict, disconnection, loss of harmony
• Core Desire: To have inner peace and harmony
• Core Weakness: Avoidance, inertia, complacency
• Core Longing: To be heard and valued

For an Enneagram Type 9 in OA, Step 9 can be difficult because they often avoid conflict and confrontation. Nines may have a habit of minimizing their own feelings and the impact of their actions to maintain peace, which can create unresolved issues in their relationships. Step 9 challenges them to engage with discomfort and make direct amends, helping them grow in self-awareness and assertiveness.

Approach to Step 9 for Type 9

1. Confront Avoidance and Inertia: Type 9s often avoid difficult conversations to maintain peace. In Step 9, it’s important to acknowledge this tendency and commit to facing the discomfort of making amends. Understand that avoiding amends to “keep the peace” only prolongs inner turmoil and damages relationships in the long run.
   • Question to reflect on: Where am I avoiding making amends because I fear conflict or tension?
2. Acknowledge Your Role in Conflict: Nines tend to downplay their impact on others, especially in conflict situations. In Step 9, it’s essential to take ownership of your actions, even if they were passive (e.g., withdrawing, avoiding, or not speaking up). Recognize that silence or inaction can harm relationships just as much as direct conflict.
   • Question to reflect on: How has my passivity or withdrawal affected others, even if I didn’t intend to hurt them?
3. Recognize the Importance of Direct Amends: Type 9s may be tempted to make indirect or “soft” amends to avoid discomfort, but true healing requires directness. Making amends restores harmony in relationships and fosters inner peace. Though it may feel uncomfortable, taking this step can bring a deeper sense of connection and resolution.
   • Question to reflect on: What relationships could benefit from direct and honest communication through making amends?
4. Engage in Honest Communication: One of the challenges for Type 9s is expressing their feelings honestly, as they often prioritize others’ comfort over their own truth. When making amends, practice speaking clearly and assertively. Express how your behavior may have contributed to harm, without minimizing your responsibility or placating others.
   • Question to reflect on: How can I practice clear, honest communication when making amends, without downplaying my own feelings or experiences?
5. Move Toward Conflict with Compassion: Type 9s typically shy away from conflict, but Step 9 encourages embracing difficult conversations as opportunities for healing. Approach these situations with compassion for both yourself and the other person. Understand that true peace comes from resolution, not avoidance.
   • Question to reflect on: How can I bring compassion into the amends process, both for myself and the person I’m addressing?

Specific Steps for Type 9 in Step 9:

1. Identify the people you’ve harmed through avoidance: Consider the times you’ve avoided conflict, neglected relationships, or remained silent when you should have spoken up. Recognize that this avoidance may have hurt others, even if unintentionally.
2. Prepare for discomfort: Know that making amends may stir up feelings of discomfort or tension, but this is necessary for true peace. Commit to staying present and engaged in the process, even when it feels challenging.
3. Practice assertiveness: Before making amends, practice assertive communication. Type 9s can struggle with expressing their needs and feelings, so preparing beforehand can help you stay clear and grounded in the conversation.
4. Seek balance in amends: Ensure that your amends are balanced—neither over-apologizing nor minimizing the harm caused. It’s important not to diminish your role in the conflict to avoid discomfort, but also to acknowledge your own worth and the importance of your voice.
5. Focus on restoring harmony: As a Type 9, harmony is crucial for your sense of well-being. Understand that making amends is not about avoiding conflict but about restoring genuine peace. This deeper harmony, built on honesty and mutual respect, is much more fulfilling than the surface-level peace that comes from avoidance.
6. Let go of resentment: Type 9s can hold onto passive resentment, even while trying to keep things peaceful. In Step 9, making amends can help you release lingering resentments and move forward with a lighter heart.
7. Be patient with yourself: Making amends can feel overwhelming for a Type 9, who may be tempted to retreat or avoid completing the step. Take your time, but don’t let inertia prevent you from taking action. Progress in small steps if necessary, and celebrate each effort you make.

Summary:

For Type 9s, Step 9 in OA is about stepping out of avoidance and into action, engaging in direct communication, and making amends that restore harmony in relationships. By embracing discomfort, speaking assertively, and facing conflict with compassion, Type 9s can foster both external and internal peace. This process helps break the cycle of avoidance that often fuels overeating, leading to deeper healing and reconciliation with others.

Through making amends, Type 9s will find that true harmony comes from resolving conflicts honestly, rather than avoiding them. This allows for greater peace within themselves and their relationships, ultimately supporting their recovery journey in OA.