Step 7 “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.”
For Enneagram Type 9s, Step 7 at Surrender School focuses on addressing core challenges such as avoidance of conflict, passivity, and merging with others’ needs and desires. Type 9s often seek peace and harmony, which can lead to minimizing problems, procrastinating on important issues, and using food to numb discomfort or avoid facing potential disruptions to their inner and outer peace. Step 7 encourages Type 9s to practice humility by recognizing that the instinct to keep the peace—while well-intentioned—can sometimes prevent them from addressing what truly matters and experiencing deeper growth. In Step 7, Type 9s ask their Higher Power for the willingness to release their need to avoid conflict and discomfort, and other defenses, trusting that facing challenges directly can lead to greater peace and stronger relationships.
1. Cultivate Humility and Self-Acceptance
Character defenses, such as patterns of passivity or avoidance, are deeply ingrained behaviors developed over time as ways to maintain inner peace and connection. Just as you are powerless over food, you are also powerless over these defenses. Trying to change them solely through willpower is rarely effective. True transformation begins with acknowledging these limitations and opening yourself to support from a Higher Power.
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- Reflect on Humility: for Type 9s, humility involves recognizing that inner peace is not about the absence of conflict, but about having the courage to engage with challenges and discomfort constructively. It’s about acknowledging that minimizing problems and merging with others’ needs can prevent true connection and personal growth. Humility here means honoring your own needs and voice as essential—not disruptive—to real harmony.
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- Embrace Proactive Harmony: accept that resolving small issues proactively actually creates greater and more lasting peace than avoiding them. Allowing yourself to address conflicts and discomfort directly, while remaining grounded and centered, leads to stronger, more authentic relationships and a deeper sense of inner security. Remember your mantra: “Resolve small things before they become big things.” By embracing proactive harmony, you counteract passivity, foster genuine connection by addressing issues openly, and discover that true peace is found through engagement, not avoidance.
Reflection Questions:
- What does humility mean to me, beyond keeping the peace or staying comfortable?
- How can I practice resolving small things to create greater peace in my life and recovery?
2. Ask Your Higher Power for Guidance and Transformation
It is important to reach out to your Higher Power and other trusted, program fellows – connection is the antidote to addiction. As a Type 9, you may instinctively seek to maintain your inner peace by minimizing problems and avoiding disharmony, often hesitating to burden others with your struggles. However, true transformation requires surrender and allowing yourself to be supported. Your part in this process is to become aware of when your avoidance of conflict, passivity, or people-pleasing is driving your actions and to humbly ask your Higher Power to remove these defenses. This is not a one time event, but an ongoing process of self-awareness and surrender. Each time you notice yourself minimizing a problem or avoiding a difficult conversation, you can consciously turn to your Higher Power for guidance. Your Higher Power’s role is to gently remove these defenses as you become willing, freeing you to engage with challenges directly and authentically.
Reflection Question:
- Reflecting on your Character Defense Analysis (from Step 6), recall times you tried to rely on comfort, avoidance, or going along with others instead of engaging. What was the result? How can you accept that true peace includes presence, self-expression, and that you need help and guidance from a Higher Power?
Write your own Seventh Step Prayer: In addition to using the Seventh Step Prayer below, take time to write your own version of the prayer, inserting the defenses you identified and speaking from your heart. Keep it simple, honest, and personal. One suggestion for modification is presented below.
Seventh Step Prayer: “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me my (each of the defenses listed in my Character Defense Analysis) which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.”
Personal Prayer: “Higher Power (or words of your own choosing), I am now willing that you should have all of me, true-self and false self. I pray that you now remove from me the defense of _________________ if it stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.”
Letting go of control for a Type 9 means: releasing the need for outer and inner peace at all costs and trusting that you can handle conflict and discomfort constructively. It means surrendering the belief that harmony requires minimizing your own needs and desires, and embracing the truth that true peace includes engaging with challenges and expressing yourself authentically. Letting go allows a Type 9 to address issues before they escalate, to participate more fully in relationships, and to find a more dynamic and resilient peace rooted in engagement, not avoidance.
3. Practice Surrender and Trust in the Process of Transformation
It is important to let go of outcomes! It is vital to relinquish the need to control the level of peace and harmony in your environment and within yourself. Surrender the expectation that peace and comfort are required for your well-being. Instead, cultivate trust that your Higher Power will guide you as you begin to address conflicts and discomforts more directly. You may find yourself speaking up more readily, setting boundaries, or addressing small issues before they escalate—not because you are forcing yourself, but because you are being guided towards a more proactive and engaged way of living. Transformation unfolds organically, in its own time, and in ways that prioritize growth over superficial peace.
Incorporate your mantra into your daily prayer and meditation:
For Type 9s, your mantra is a tool to counter your tendency toward passivity and avoidance. It’s a reminder to address small issues promptly, before they grow into larger problems that disrupt your peace and relationships. Consistent repetition helps to gradually reshape your default patterns of thought and behavior, fostering growth and a more balanced approach to maintaining harmony through engagement, not avoidance.
“Resolve small things before they become big things.”
Reflection Questions:
How does my mantra challenge my tendency to avoid conflict and minimize problems? If it doesn’t fully resonate, what revised mantra could better support my surrender in Step 7 and my commitment to proactive harmony? Some suggestions for a type 9 are:
- “Peace grows when I stay present and speak up with love.”
- “I create true peace by staying engaged.”
- “My presence matters.”
Choose one of the mantras above or create your own, based on what you’ve discovered about your defenses and patterns. Commit to using it in your daily surrender practice.
4. Embrace New Habits and Attitudes
Welcome the expansion and growth that comes from releasing your defenses and cultivating self-awareness. As you deepen your connection with your Higher Power and with others, you will discover a different kind of peace—one rooted in courage, engagement, and authentic connection, rather than solely in external harmony and avoidance of discomfort. These changes will foster richer, more meaningful relationships and establish a more grounded and proactive path in your recovery journey.
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- For each of your defenses, gently visualize yourself practicing the opposite behavior you have previously identified in your Readiness Assessment for Step 6.
- Choose one or two defenses to work on at a time.
- When you notice a defense arising, consciously ask your Higher Power for help, repeat your mantra, and actively practice the opposite behavior.
Examples for Type 9:
- Avoiding Conflict: I can address conflicts directly and honestly, knowing that resolution strengthens relationships.
- People-Pleasing: I can express my needs confidently, trusting that my worth is not dependent on pleasing others.
- Procrastination: I can take action in the present moment, knowing that progress brings ease and confidence.
- Passivity: I can actively make decisions, trusting that my voice and choices matter.
- Denial: I can acknowledge reality as it is, knowing that awareness leads to real solutions.
- Over-Accommodating: I can balance kindness with self-respect, ensuring my needs are valued as much as others’.
- Self Erasure: I can be my true self and share my true desires, knowing that real relationships thrive on authenticity.
- Disengagement: I can stay engaged and present, trusting that my participation brings fulfillment.
- Complacency: I can embrace change as a path to personal growth and deeper fulfillment.
Reflection Questions:
- Which of my defenses can I start practicing the opposite of right away? And how specifically?
- How can I create new habits that support my self-care and recovery, particularly around addressing small issues and engaging in healthy conflict?
Summary for Type 9
For a Type 9 working Step 7 at Surrender School, the core shift involves recognizing that true peace is not found in avoiding conflict, but in addressing issues constructively. Humility in this step means acknowledging that your pursuit of harmony can sometimes lead to inaction and minimizing important issues. Continue asking your Higher Power to remove the defenses that perpetuate avoidance and passivity. By embracing proactive harmony, practicing surrender of the need for constant comfort, and cultivating new habits of engagement and direct communication, you can transform your relationship with food and build a more resilient and genuinely peaceful recovery.