Step 7: “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.”
For Enneagram Type 8s, Step 7 at Surrender School addresses core challenges such as the need for control, intensity, and self-reliance, along with their struggle with vulnerability. Type 8s often seek to be strong and in charge, which can lead to pushing others away, resisting help, and using food to manage underlying vulnerabilities or to fuel their intensity and constant activity. Step 7 encourages Type 8s to practice humility by recognizing that their drive for control and strength can become a barrier to deeper emotional connection and self-awareness, and to ask their Higher Power for the willingness to release their need for dominance and self-reliance, trusting that vulnerability is not weakness, but a source of true strength and deeper relationships.
1. Cultivate Humility and Self-Acceptance
Character defenses, such as your patterns of control and intensity, are deeply ingrained behaviors developed over time as ways to feel strong and in charge. Just as you are powerless over food, you are also powerless over these defenses. Trying to change them solely through willpower is rarely effective. True transformation begins with acknowledging these limitations and opening yourself to support from a Higher Power.
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- Reflect on Humility: For Type 8s, humility involves recognizing that true strength is not about being invulnerable or in control, but about having the courage to be open and vulnerable. It’s about acknowledging that pushing others away and resisting help can prevent deeper connection and self-discovery. Humility here means valuing vulnerability and receptivity as strengths, not weaknesses.
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- Embrace Vulnerability as Strength: Accept that vulnerability is not a liability, but the foundation for true strength and deeper connection. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable—to feel your emotions, to need others, to admit limitations—leads to more authentic power and richer relationships. Remember your mantra: “In my vulnerability, lies my strength.” By embracing vulnerability, you counteract control and self-reliance, foster genuine intimacy, and discover that true power comes from emotional honesty and connection, not just from dominance and intensity.
Reflection Questions:
- What does humility mean to me, beyond being in charge and strong?
- How can I practice vulnerability as a source of strength in my life and recovery?
2. Ask Your Higher Power for Guidance and Transformation
It is important to reach out to your Higher Power and other trusted program fellows—connection is the antidote to addiction. As a Type 8, you may instinctively rely on your own strength and willpower, hesitating to show vulnerability or ask for help. However, true transformation requires surrender and allowing yourself to be supported. Your part in this process is to become aware of when your need for control, intensity, or self-reliance is driving your actions and to humbly ask your Higher Power to remove these defenses. This is not a one-time event, but an ongoing process of self-awareness and surrender. Each time you notice yourself attempting to control a situation or resisting vulnerability, you can consciously turn to your Higher Power for guidance. Your Higher Power’s role is to gently remove these defenses as you become willing, freeing you to experience a different kind of strength—one rooted in vulnerability and connection.
Reflection Question:
- Reflecting on your Character Defense Analysis (from Step 6), recall times you tried to rely on your strength alone and what the result was. How can I accept that true strength includes vulnerability and that I need help and guidance from my Higher Power and others?
Write your own Seventh Step Prayer: In addition to using the Seventh Step Prayer below, take time to write your own version of the prayer, inserting the defenses you identified and speaking from your heart. Keep it simple, honest, and personal. One suggestion for modification is presented below.
Seventh Step Prayer: “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me my (each of the defenses listed in my Character Defense Analysis) which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.”
Personal Prayer: “Higher Power (our words of your own choosing), I am now willing that you should have all of me, true-self and false self. I pray that you now remove from me the defense of _________________ if it stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Help me to see my other defenses as I live my life in alignment with your will. Amen.”
Letting go of control for a Type 8 means: releasing the need to be in charge and invulnerable, and trusting that vulnerability is not weakness, but a pathway to deeper strength and connection. It means surrendering the belief that power comes from dominance and self-reliance alone, and embracing the truth that true power includes emotional openness and interdependence. Letting go allows a Type 8 to build more intimate and balanced relationships, lead with greater empathy and wisdom, and find a more sustainable and connected form of strength rooted in vulnerability.
3. Practice Surrender and Trust in the Process of Transformation
It is important to let go of outcomes! It is vital to relinquish the need to control your own process of transformation. Surrender your need to be in charge of how your defenses are removed. Instead, cultivate trust that your Higher Power will guide you as you open yourself to vulnerability. You may find yourself expressing softer emotions, asking for help more readily, or allowing yourself to lean on others—not because you are forcing yourself to be weak, but because you are being guided toward a more balanced and emotionally honest way of being strong. Transformation unfolds organically, in its own time, and often in ways that redefine strength beyond mere dominance.
Incorporate your mantra into your daily prayer and meditation:
For Type 8s, your mantra is a tool to counter your tendency toward control and self-reliance. It’s a reminder that vulnerability is not weakness, but the very ground from which true strength and deeper connections grow. Consistent repetition helps to gradually reshape your default patterns of thought and behavior, fostering growth and a more balanced approach to expressing power through vulnerability, not just dominance.
“In my vulnerability, lies my strength.”
Reflection Questions:
How does my mantra challenge my reliance on control and self-reliance as my primary ways of being strong? If it doesn’t fully resonate, what revised mantra could better support my surrender in Step 7 and my journey into vulnerability? Suggestions for a Type 8 might include:
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- “True power is rooted in openness and grace.”
- “Courage includes asking for help.”
- “I am stronger when I let others in.”
Choose one of the mantras above or create your own, based on what you’ve discovered about your defenses and patterns. Commit to using it in your daily surrender practice.
4. Embrace New Habits and Attitudes
Welcome the expansion and growth that comes from releasing your defenses and cultivating self-awareness. As you deepen your connection with your Higher Power and with others, you will discover a different kind of power—one rooted in emotional honesty, vulnerability, and genuine connection, rather than solely in dominance and control. These changes will foster richer, more meaningful relationships and establish a more grounded and authentically powerful path in your recovery journey.
- For each of your defenses, gently visualize yourself practicing the opposite behavior you have previously identified in your Readiness Assessment for Step 6.
- Choose one or two defenses to work on at a time.
- When you notice a defense arising, consciously ask your Higher Power for help, repeat your mantra, and actively practice the opposite behavior.
Examples for Type 8:
- Control: I can allow others to take the lead, knowing that trust and collaboration create stronger relationships.
- Intensity: I can embrace stillness and subtlety, knowing that my worth is not tied to my intensity.
- Self-Reliance: I can rely on others, knowing that healthy relationships require both giving and receiving support.
- Anger: I can express my emotions calmly and assertively, without relying on anger as a source of strength.
- Defiance: I can work with others instead of against them, trusting that true strength includes collaboration.
- Stubbornness: I can remain open to new perspectives, recognizing that change does not equate to weakness.
- Dominance: I can lead with influence rather than force, recognizing that true leadership includes listening.
- Impatience: I can slow down and trust that things unfold at the right time, without needing to rush.
- Confrontation: I can approach conflict with curiosity and openness rather than force.
- Denial of Vulnerability: I can allow myself to be open and emotionally available, trusting that vulnerability is strength.
Reflection Questions:
- Which of my defenses can I start practicing the opposite of right away? And how specifically?
- How can I create new habits that support my self-care and recovery, particularly around embracing vulnerability and connecting with my emotions?
Summary for Type 8
For a Type 8 working Step 7 at Surrender School, the core shift involves recognizing that true strength is found in vulnerability and connection, not just in control and dominance. Humility in this step means acknowledging that your drive for strength and self-reliance can become a barrier to deeper emotional intimacy and self-awareness, and asking your Higher Power to remove the defenses that perpetuate control and resistance to vulnerability. By embracing vulnerability as strength, practicing surrender of the need for dominance, and cultivating new habits of emotional openness and interdependence, you can transform your relationship with food and build a more powerful and genuinely fulfilling recovery.
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